


She's Like The Sun

by Pinx_B



Category: BanG Dream! (Anime)
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/F, Fluff, Future Fic, Romance, Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-15
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 03:40:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 77,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22250440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pinx_B/pseuds/Pinx_B
Summary: A propitious opportunity from Roselia leads to several conundrums for Saaya as the past appears to relive itself, including the formation of a budding connection with Sayo..
Relationships: Hanazono Tae/Ichigaya Arisa, Hanazono Tae/Yamabuki Saaya, Ichigaya Arisa/Yamabuki Saaya, Imai Lisa/Shirokane Rinko, Yamabuki Saaya/Hikawa Sayo
Comments: 54
Kudos: 227





	1. Scout

* * *

  
"I'm sorry, you want me to what?".

Ako and Tomoe grinned at their childhood friend with anticipation, hoping that Saaya would take this opportunity.

There wasn't a person in the world whom deserved it more than her. 

"Take over for me as Roselia's support drummer for three of our lives coming up soon!".

Lisa, Sayo, Rinko and Yukina were also present at the home which Ako shared with her fellow band mates. They watched a range of expressions flutter over Saaya's face as she registered _what_ she was being asked of. 

"I don't understand.." Saaya managed to say whilst looking towards the other members, "Me?".

Lisa nodded eagerly, "You. Believe me, we put a lot of thought into this. We know there's a bit of pressure in what we're asking but anyone else won't do. We need someone we can trust".

"As well as the skills of a drummer that can handle our music in the way Ako can" Yukina added, "The task at hand cannot be handled by what we have seen in terms of other drummers, including those from agencies".

"Exactly!" Ako agreed enthusiastically and went to sit down next to Saaya, "Since me and sis have to go away for that weekend because of family stuff, Saaya-chan can take over for me as Roselia's support drummer. I know you'll do an awesome job".

The news felt like a weight being dropped onto the brunette's shoulders, both as flattery and uncertainty. She wasn't sure what to expect when Tomoe and Ako had called her over that evening but _this_ wasn't it. She wondered if there was a way to countermand the offer without them taking it personally. 

Poppin'Party was still active, though they preferred the smaller live shows now after performing at Budokan years earlier. Their inchoate ideas simply blossomed into obtaining the status as a group that were renowned for their vigour and sound, one which fans from all over continued to adore. 

Roselia still did the bigger shows which was what suited all five members of the band as they had broken through and reached the top as they intended. They met their goal of playing at the FWF a few years ago and were on the up and coming, making waves across the rest of Japan as well as some international acclaim.

That in itself was daunting to consider for Saaya. 

"I really appreciate the offer but I honestly don't think I am the right person. I mean there are far more better drummers out there that you can get a hold of through agencies".

"As mentioned, that was an option but, it wasn't an option any of us were comfortable with" Sayo spoke up "Also, stop selling yourself short, Yamabuki-san. We've seen enough of your performances to know how much you have improved since your starting days. Your skills as a drummer rivals these two".

"Saaya's better, she has been at this for a lot longer than we have" Tomoe grinned and went to sit next to her friend as Ako clung over Saaya with a hopeful expression on her face.

Saaya chuckled wearily whilst assessing the rest of Roselia, "I don't know about _that_. Please don't get me wrong as I am truly flattered that you would think to want to recruit me but..".

"I-is it because you do not want to perform with us?" Rinko asked, her voice a tad more confident than it had been since the school days, "If that is the case, then, we, we won't pester you or make you uncomfortable".

"RInko's right. If that is the case, then we respect your decision. I will not want to coerce you into playing with us as half hearted efforts won't be tolerated here" Yukina spoke up, her eyes trained onto Saaya's, "However, if you need to think about it, then we can await an answer at least by the end of Friday".

"It's Tuesday now so talk it over with the rest of Poppin'Party and see how you feel?" Lisa offered warmly, "I think it'll be a great experience for you, Saaya".

"It really would" Saaya nodded reluctantly, "A big responsibility too. I wouldn't want to let any of you down and mess up".

"That's what practice is for!".

Ako's cachinnate voice rang out in Saaya's ear, the excitement palpable as Yukina continued, "A months worth of practice and then the following week, we have three shows. Friday, Saturday, Sunday at three different venues. From what I understand, Poppin'Party are free of performances the week we play. So in actuality, it is mainly the practice sessions throughout the month you will have to focus on along with your performances with your band".

"It sounds daunting but our schedules would ensure practice with us does not interfere with your shows" Sayo added and checked her phone as they had a studio booked for rehearsal soon, "You are proficient enough in your skills and I believe you can pick up our songs quite quickly without scuppering the quality".

"You have a good ear for these things, Saaya" Tomoe encouraged and placed a hand on the woman's shoulder, "I couldn't think of anyone better to fill in for Ako".

Ako agreed earnestly as Rinko reiterated the point, "We believe so too, Saaya-san". 

Saaya was slightly overwhelmed at the encouragement and the proposition but she couldn't deny that the idea of performing as support for Roselia would be quite the experience. However, there was a time where Tae had been scouted as a support guitarist and memories of that ordeal made the drummer hit the breaks at confirming anything. Not that she was going to affirm anything without the decision of her band and her lovers.

Taking a quick breath in, Saaya stood up, "I'll talk it over with everyone else and will give you answer on Friday" she said, "I truly do appreciate you all thinking of recruiting me so thank you".

Yukina nodded, a small smile creeping through to reassure Saaya, "Roselia wouldn't have considered you if we didn't believe you could match our criteria. Please bare that in mind, Saaya-san".

Lisa sighed at the almost complement, "Yukina".

Saaya hadn't forgotten the way Yukina conveyed her mannerisms so she knew the woman meant no disregard by it and chuckled, "Thank you, Yukina-san".

Saaya's eyes met Sayo's and they were somewhat unreadable as she stood up from the chair she was seated on but from the steady gaze, there was an inkling of hopefulness in the acute orbs. Maybe she was seeing things, at least she thought so when Sayo too smiled at her. The woman had gotten a lot better at depicting her emotions through her martinet personality, like Yukina, so Saaya felt the tension dissipate slightly.

Tomoe's voice brought her out of her thoughts as she gently pat Saaya's shoulder with effervescent vigour, "See, you've got this, Saaya".

"Tomoe.." Saaya chuckled as Ako hugged her, the cheerful woman looking pleased that Saaya was even going to consider it.

"I hope you say yes, it would be Rosepa in the making!".

"Wow, wasn't it Tae who coined that term at the beach?" Lisa exclaimed and put her fingers beneath her chin, "Then again, there have been plenty of joint performances from us since school so it might as well be a thing".

"Damn straight" Ako agreed excitedly.

"Ako.." Yukina chastised without any force as the drummer grinned innocently "But I share her sentiments, Saaya-san. We hope you can join us for the event".

After the discussion, the group dissolved into casual chatter whilst walking out together from Roselia's home. Saaya's mind was conjuring up numerous scenarios about how this could pan out after she divulged the information to her group. 

She knew the opportunity was one that couldn't be missed but at the same time, Arisa and Tae's faces kept flashing across her mind.

How she was going to bring this up without the past being dragged into it, she had no idea.

***

Later that night, Saaya was in bed with Tae as they heard Arisa rummaging around the bathroom whilst getting ready to sleep.

The drummer was resting her head against Tae's chest and was being lulled to bed by the hand writing their names on her back. Tae's skilful touch brought a bout of refection for Saaya's contemplative mind, taking her away from the imperative conversation which had occurred. 

It wasn't an easy feat to achieve. 

She hadn't been able to bring up the conversation just yet as she needed to process it. It was delicate, needed to be conveyed in a way where none of their group would become spooked by it so for the rest of the day, Saaya had attempted to act as normal as usual.

Her recalcitrant side when it came to the ones she needed to protect hadn't diminished so Saaya tended to mask her worries whenever possible. 

But with someone like Tae, who saw through things like they were transparent, that wasn't an elementary plan to execute. 

"You've been quiet today, Saaya" Tae murmured against the brunette hair.

"I didn't realise I was normally that loud" Saaya laughed softly as her fingers skimmed the surface of Tae's exposed hip, "Too many years of Kasumi".

"You know what I mean" the guitarist replied, her hand squeezing Saaya's waist, "Did something happen when you went to meet Ako and Tomoe. Arisa noticed it too".

"No, not really. I'm sorry, O-Tae. I didn't mean to worry you both" she opted to prevaricate her answer. 

"You're not worrying us, Saaya" Arisa's voice came out as she rounded the bed, "But something obviously happened so spill it".

Saaya adjusted her position so that she was laying on her back on Tae's chest still and felt the woman's arms curl around her waist as Arisa got into bed with them. Her golden hair had been combed out from the ponytail it was in as Saaya unconsciously reached out to put her fingers into her lover's hair. Arisa scooted closer and leaned forward to kiss Saaya as she felt Tae's other hand rest over her free arm that was on the bed.

"Nothing happened, Arisa, I'm..just a little tired" she reassured. 

They parted but Arisa's hazel eyes remained on Saaya's who was looking up at her with a blissful smile on her face, "O-Tae, she's lying again" Arisa sighed and tugged her t-shirt that was flattened beneath their drummer's body, "Do something".

Tae grinned and squeezed Arisa's hand, "I'll hold her down and you tickle?". 

"Hey, don't do that" Saaya panicked but was easily held still by Tae's arms locking around her, "C'mon, you two".

Saaya's penchant to being ticklish was discovered earlier on so when Arisa's agile fingers strummed against Saaya's firm abdomen, the woman attempted to get into a defensive position but it was impossible considering her taller lover's hold on her. O-Tae's grip around her hips was firm but gentle enough to not hurt as Arisa smiled wickedly at the trembling woman beneath her.

"Arisa! Stop!" Saaya involuntary laughed and was offered the reprieve soon after.

The drummer then felt Arisa manoeuvring her legs over her hips, just where Saaya's torso met the bed. She was still catching her breath but the gaze in Arisa's eyes had dropped from sneaky to honest, her small fingers resting on Saaya's bare stomach where her nightshirt had ridden up. The stare was ebullient, all of Arisa's concern rising to the surface to remind Saaya that she wasn't alone. 

"If something is wrong, you know we are here for you, Saaya" Tae's smooth voice rang out from behind her, "You shouldn't fall back into old habits".

"Yeah.." Arisa agreed and leaned down slightly, "We're in this together, right? Not just as Poppin'Party, but as us three being together" she reminded the brunette, "We promised each other we wouldn't hold back if something was bothering us. In fact, pretty sure it was _you_ who insisted on it".

Saaya smiled and took a hold of one of Arisa's hands, kissing the top of it before moving around to find Tae's and doing the same. She held both near her heart and she was sure her lovers could feel the pulse hammering against her chest, no longer a distance away. 

Arisa was correct in her logical reasoning as she thought back to the day where the three of them ventured into this relationship after they'd finished off their studies. It was uncharted territory but the connection between them was immeasurable, something that was continuously building as they gave into the whims of what they were feeing for each other.

They had endured a lot with Rimi and Kasumi by their side too, making them more durable than ever before.

Saaya had to have faith that this proposition with Roselia wouldn't hinder the downy dynamic in her life, a sense of eunoia being achieved after so much turbulence. 

"I know.." Saaya replied softly and pulled Arisa down against her chest as Tae slung the blanket over them all, "I love you both".

Deciding to break the news to all of Poppin'Party together, Saaya steeled herself with the comfort she was drinking in from her two lovers whom were cocooned around her, protecting her from whatever was weighing down her thoughts.

As tentative as it would be, she knew they'd support her in whatever way they could and direct her in a way that wouldn't compromise anything between them. 

It was a decision they could all reach together.


	2. Devil In The Details

* * *

The following day at the basement of Arisa's house, the group were gathered together after work.

Kasumi was going to be leaving soon since she worked at Circle, so the woman was currently checking her things to make sure she was prepared as she chatted idly with Tae and Rimi about something of a musical variety Saaya was sure of.

She was seated on the couch as Arisa busied herself with conjuring up the melody of a new song they'd been working on and Saaya was mesmerised by the sight. They all felt at ease around each other, whether it was music related or not and that was one of the reasons the band had prospered so much.

The trio's relationship hadn't hindered the dynamic, if anything, it improved the spark vastly, as Kasumi had explained in her Kasumi like etymology.

Whatever the outcome of this revelation, Saaya could accept it. _Nothing_ was worth losing her lovers and band over, that went unspoken and the mere thought of it made her feel enervate. 

She sat up straight as she called out to her group, "Hey, can I talk to you all for a moment".

Tae & Arisa locked eyes as Kasumi nodded eagerly and took a seat next to Saaya. Arisa stood up from the floor and took Saaya's other side, the anxiety welling in her stomach and she knew Tae felt it too.

Their night had been restless as Saaya had a fitful few hours of sleep, tossing and turning more than often. Arisa had woken and pressed the woman against her shoulder to try and soothe her. Tae held her closer whilst spooning from behind Saaya, reminding the brunette that she wasn't alone in their bed. Saaya was a relatively peaceful sleeper who stayed in one place so both her lovers were simmering in alarm at what they seen and felt, the brunette's muffled whimpering resonating still. 

They hadn't voiced anything to Saaya the following morning in hopes that their drummer would say what was on her mind on her own initiative and it was finally happening.

The requirement of all of Poppin'Party to be there however was disconcerting.

Tae put her guitar down and took a seat next to Rimi on the chair as she watched Saaya playing with the hem of her skirt, "Baby?". 

She smiled at the guitarist's reassuring tone before taking a quick breath to steady herself. Regardless of what she said, she knew she would have the guidance of her group but the subject matter was a touchy one, so the nerves were still prevalent. Saaya knew it was better to get it out there before Friday and she would need to know how her group felt about it.

It was better to be frank about it as opposed to taking an erroneous path so Saaya dove right in. 

"It's about that meeting I had with Ako and Tomoe, the rest of Roselia were there too".

That was news to them all as Kasumi voiced the thought, "Huh? How come?".

"They had a proposition for me" Saaya replied, unable to look anyone in the eyes yet so she braced herself by playing with the bracelet Tae had gifted her.

Arisa spoke up, her pitch careful and calculated, "What did they want, Saaya?".

"Ako won't be around for three of their lives next month so they asked if I can..fill in as a support drummer. Just for those three days". 

The declaration lingered in the air. 

It felt like that day again, when Tae had mentioned she wanted to play for a different band but Saaya knew it was _nothing_ like that now. 

This was just an offer to help Roselia, that was all.

Kasumi seemed to register what was said and gripped Saaya's forearm excitedly "Woah! A support drummer for Roselia, that's so cool, Saaya!".

Rimi nodded along, though she was well aware of Tae and Arisa's reactions, "Saaya-chan is definitely talented enough to join them" she said, "That's wonderful news".

"Ah well I haven't decided yet. They gave me till Friday to make up my mind and I obviously wanted to discuss it with you all first" Saaya replied and glanced at Tae, her green eyes glittering with both adoration and apprehension.

Saaya didn't even have to look at the blonde next to her to see the disquieting aura radiating from her but she did want to see Arisa's face, anything to reassure her that she wouldn't make a decision without them.

"Arisa..?".

"Rimi is right, you're beyond talented so..I get why they'd ask you. Right, O-Tae?". 

"Definitely. Saaya, we support you with what you decide" she clarified and reached out to clasp her lover's hand over the table, "It's just temporary".

Her expression was hopeful but cautious, bestowing both emotions on Saaya without realising.

Saaya squeezed her hand, "Thank you, it's just for three days. I'll have to practice with them for this month, up until the performances so that is going to be the most stressful part. I know we have a few lives coming up before then so, so if none of you are comfortable with me having to split my time then I can decline them".

"Don't do that".

It was Arisa's voice cutting through the few seconds of quietude at Saaya's response. 

"Arisa?".

The blonde sighed and took a hold of Saaya's other hand, "It would be stupid to not take this opportunity, Saaya. Seriously, playing with Roselia is a huge thing so I, I think you should do it".

"We think so too" Kasumi agreed, "It isn't going to be like the last time, if that's what you are worried about" she added, her observant nature shining through, "Roselia won't try and steal you away from us. Well, not like we would let them" she grinned and pulled the brunette into a side hug.

Tae chuckled at Kasumi's antics, grateful that the vocalist had picked up on a way to voice the hesitant thoughts bracing their minds, though she had a feeling it'd take a lot more to appease Arisa's bubbling asperity.

And rightfully so. 

"Thank you, Kasumi. All of you" Saaya smiled, "I know it isn't going to be easy to balance things but I promise it won't affect the way we play" she reiterated, "Or anything else" she added and looked at Tae and Arisa in particular, "I promise".

"Hmm" Arisa simply said and stood up to go to her keyboard, her pent up thoughts getting harder to conceal as she shot Saaya a stare, "It'd better not. Anyway, we can talk about this more later if need be, but you can confirm it with them when you can. I have a feeling Minato doesn't take well to waiting"

"Ah, she was quite considerate actually so don't worry about it" Saaya replied carefully, "Okay, lets get some practice in before Kasumi has to leave". 

Kasumi let out a cheerful chant as Rimi and Tae followed suit, the latter keeping an eye on her lovers as Saaya walked up to their keyboardist. She knew it was better to have this discussion between them since Rimi and Kasumi were more than pleased with Saaya joining Roselia for a little while. That being said, she and Arisa had more to lose should things spiral out of control for Saaya.

"Hey.." Saaya whispered to Arisa.

She cupped the blonde's neck, getting her lover to look at her.

"I'm fine" Arisa managed before kissing Saaya briefly, "We'll talk about it later, okay?".

"I love you".

Arisa's steely reserve melted, just like it always did whenever Saaya or Tae said those words. It caused the anxiety to morph into something more detrimental but she couldn't think about that right now, not when this opportunity would be huge for her girlfriend so it was a happy moment. 

Instead, Arisa pecked the taller woman's lips again, offering a small but genuine smile, "I love you too".

"Alright, since we're all feeling soppy. Let's do 'My Gift To You'!" Kasumi beamed and winked at her friends. 

Both Saaya's and Arisa's faces exuded a rubescent glow at the brunette's badinage before they separated and readied themselves to play. 

"K-kasumi!" Arisa groaned as Saaya simply laughed. 

  
With their practice session over, Kasumi and Rimi had left the basement and the remaining trio were finishing clearing up.

The atmosphere was terse at best, Saaya's proposition still fluttering around.

Tae attempted to break the tension in her straight forward way, "I'm hungry".

Saaya chuckled whilst gathering their things, "Do you feel like anything in particular?".

"Hmm, ramen" Tae replied eagerly as she looked at Arisa, " _Your_ favourite place".

The blonde blinked a few times before walking to the trio and getting her jacket from Saaya, "We don't have to go there for my sake you know".

"I want ramen, Arisa and Saaya though".

"O-Tae, you can't eat us" Saaya smiled. 

The guitarist grinned and grabbed the brunette from behind whilst she was going to tidy the stray items left on the table, her breath close to Saaya's ear, "Are you sure about that, Saaya?".

Saaya visibly shuddered at the way Tae's voice dropped to a loquacious sound when she said her name and the lips brushing against her ear made the woman release her bag back onto the table. The smirk coming from Arisa was not helping Saaya in the least as she struggled to chide Tae for her flirtatious behaviour.

"O-Tae.." Saaya uttered, the woman's name dripping with dulcet undertones. 

"Yes?" she replied innocuously without removing her arms from her lover's hips, "Is it okay if I eat you?".

Arisa shook her head and decided to put the drummer out of her lust ridden misery and grabbed a hold of Tae's arm, "Let her go, we'll go and get ramen before you actually do try and consume either of us" she stated, "And not in the fun way either".

She said that with a look at Saaya whom was composing herself, now laughing as she poked Tae in the chest for teasing her, "I wouldn't put it passed this one" she laughed, "Let's get going".

She held out her hand for Arisa but the next movement from the blonde took both Saaya and Tae by surprise. It broke the playful atmosphere considering the solid expression on Arisa's gorgeous face.

Arisa grabbed the lapels of Saaya's jacket with slight pressure but not too much, just enough for the taller brunette to lower her face to her height. Saaya could feel the doubts oozing from Arisa as she tried to find the words to convey what she was feeling and wanted to ask.

"Listen, the second you think you'll end up staying, or doing more lives than you would want to, reject them.. _please_. Yeah I know it's fucking selfish of me to ask but I, I don't want to lose you" the blonde pleaded with aggression, "O-Tae almost joining Raise A Suilen pretty much killed me. If the same thing happens with you and Roselia, I..I-".

Tae merely watched on and went to the blonde to hold her waist with one hand and the other on Saaya's shoulder, Arisa's words resonating in her mind.

She never wanted to make any member of Poppin'Party feel like that again, let alone the two she'd given her heart to so she could understand Arisa's fears. Almost making that colossal mistake even though she had no intention of leaving them plagued Tae's mind to this day, that it _could_ have happened.

But Saaya was adamant in ensuring that such a thing would never occur. 

"Arisa, O-Tae..that won't happen. I promise" she said and engulfed the two in her arms with Arisa trapped between them, "This is different as Kasumi said. Roselia aren't looking for a new drummer or anything like that. All this is is three lives, Friday to Sunday and then I am done" Saaya clarified to assuage the maudlin aura surrounding Arisa, "Think it over a bit if you truly don't want me to do this. If neither of you are happy, then I won't. Nothing is worth upsetting you over". 

Arisa could see the determination in her lover's eyes as she glanced up at her and the feeling of Tae pressed up against her back reinforced the ties they had. Saaya wouldn't yield to the temptation of anything other than her family, friends and lovers. 

"Do you both believe me?". 

Arisa gulped and brought a hand behind Saaya's neck to pull her closer as her other hand kept a hold of Tae's against her hip, "I do".

"As do I" Tae murmured against the blonde's hair.

Saaya smiled as her body melded against the keyboardist's as she leaned down to kiss her slowly. 

It was drawn out, lazy and languid with the way their tongues were moving against each other's. Arisa couldn't stifle the moan when Saaya released her tongue and went for Tae, the taller woman leaning down and capturing Saaya's lips against her own. It followed the same cadence as the way she kissed Arisa, lips skimming and tongues swirling around in a sensual dance. Saaya's hand rounded Tae's back to clutch her hip, digging her nails in whilst retracting her tongue from her mouth. 

The tension had broken into something else, they could see it each other's eyes. 

Arisa's head tilted back slightly against Tae's chest so that she could get a taste of her lips covered with Saaya's remnants and the sight was too much for the brunette to handle. 

She'd never tire of the sight of Tae and Arisa kissing like that, it was mesmeric. 

Tae yanked them all close together as she skimmed her mouth around Arisa's, suckling the muscle before opening her mouth and trailing it down the blonde's jaw. It made Arisa tug at Saaya's hair and she let out an audible noise of pleasure before undoing Arisa's jacket as her lips collided with Arisa's neck. 

Arisa felt warm under Saaya's tongue as her hands slid up the blonde's dress when Tae helped her to lift the garment up, both desperate to feel their lover's skin. They were in synch regardless of their environment, all three in tune with their minds and bodies as they yielded to providing the relief they all needed after a strenuous few days.

The need for nutritional fulfilment went out the window as they embarked on feeding an appetite that only they could carry out with each other.

Arisa held onto her lovers with whatever strength she had left, not willing to let either go as the nagging sensation in the back of her head was strummed out, if only for a temporary moment.

She couldn't lose Saaya, or O-Tae, she just couldn't lose them.

The upcoming month would depict whether Saaya’s reassurances would hold true as both Arisa and Tae knew how demanding it would be to work with Roselia, their standards as high as their virtuosity. They could only hope and support their drummer as she journeyed onto a phase of her life that was bound to stir a multitude of emotions.

Little did the duo know the extent of said emotions when it came to certain members of Roselia vying for Saaya's affection too.


	3. Thinly Veiled Attraction

* * *

As was expected, Roselia's training regime was exhausting yet rewarding. Their immutable schedule had incorporated itself into Saaya's smoothly. 

Saaya finished off the outro beats of 'Passionate Starmine' with vigour, her arms aching when she lowered them whilst the rest of the band came to their own halt.

Yukina turned around, her golden eyes sharp as she caught her breath.

The drummer wondered if she had messed up so she held her eyes slightly, waiting for whatever critique Yukina had for her and was ready to improve on whatever advice was given.

Instead, a small smirk cropped up against the woman's lips, "Good work, Saaya-san".

Lisa in turn grinned at the brunette, "That was _intense_ , Ako would be proud of how you are handling this".

"She would" Rinko added and smiled at Saaya.

"Ah, you are too kind. Thank you" Saaya chuckled whilst brushing back her fringe, the exertion prevalent, "I was a little weak towards the middle but I can fix that".

"Being aware of where you are going wrong and seeing to it is admirable, Yamabuki-san" Sayo commented and passed the woman a towel, "But as Minato-san said, that was indeed good work. You've mimicked Udagawa-san's pace accurately".

Saaya accepted the towel and wiped her forehead as a burst of confidence shot through her mind at the praise Roselia was giving her. It was a daunting task, as a support drummer to ensure their quality of playing remained as it was when Ako was there. 

It'd been two weeks since the vehement training sessions began and Saaya had quickly grasped Roselia's style, the high octane performances being paved by the drumming aspect. Balancing her time between their sessions and Poppin'Party's own was proving to be strenuous but Saaya buckled down and got on with it. She had to put her everything into making sure nobody was left disappointed so the encouragement she got from Roselia was definitely reassuring.

Her propensity to ensure that everyone was satiated with her presence was taking the reigns. 

"A 10 minute break and then we will continue" Yukina stated as she turned back and discussed something with Rinko regarding the piano arrangement.

"I'm gonna go and get some drinks" Lisa said.

"Would you like some help?" Saaya offered quickly, ready to get up before Lisa beckoned her to sit down again.

"Nah I'm good, Saaya. You relax" Lisa smiled, "Rinko can come through when she's done".

The keyboardist nodded as she continued her discussion with Yukina which left Saaya with Sayo, the guitarist taking a seat near her.

Saaya was still in amazement at the sheer skill Roselia depicted and performing as part of them was a surreal experience. 

The guitarist seemed to have picked up on the mood Saaya was stewing in, "Is this what you expected it to be?".

Saaya chuckled and toyed with her drumstick, "Nothing really prepares one for performing with a band like Roselia, Sayo-san" she noted, "But it's a pleasant experience nonetheless. You're all so talented and I know that's an understatement but you know what I mean". 

Sayo nodded whilst taking in Saaya's countenance, "Poppin'Party are up there now in terms of our standards. You've all dramatically improved over the years and I can recall your first performance with us very clearly. Your proficiency in drumming is a given regardless of the style you partake in. I'm quite amazed as Roselia's drumming arrangements are by no means simple and yet, you've acclimated to them with ease".

If there was something Saaya was aware of, it was that impressing someone like Sayo was an almost impossible feat and yet there she was, tranquil and complimenting her like nothing.

"Wow, I don't really know what to say to that" Saaya blushed and wiped at her face a bit more, though she was sure the heat was coming from the kind words as opposed to her work out, "I appreciate it, truly".

"It is merely the truth" Sayo said, "Udagawa-san speaks highly of you, she always has".

"She's sweet that way" Saaya smiled, "Her skills in itself are a bonus as to how she is. I certainly have a new appreciation for the way she handles being up here. How you all are in synch".

"Poppin'Party also have that synchronicity, don't you?".

"Of course" Saaya replied, "We've come a long way in terms of performing and everything just fits into place. As much as I've been enjoying performing with Roselia, nothing quite compares to my time with them". 

Sayo found that understandable, she couldn't imagine feeling complete when performing with anyone other than Roselia. She wondered if that connectivity had anything to do with Saaya's relationship with Tae and Arisa but she wasn't going to pry into that.

A buzzing from Saaya's pocket halted their conversation, " Ah sorry, it's O-Tae".

"Of course" Sayo replied and let the brunette answer the call, " _Speak of the devil_ ". 

Her curiosity at their relationship kept her focused from anything else as Saaya talked, her tone sweet and full of longing. 

Before Saaya could leave, Sayo stood up instantly and intercepted the woman's path, "Wait a moment please, your ribbon". 

The accessory was slightly askew and Sayo had to get close to Saaya in an effort to fix it. Her hand tentatively went up and twisted one side of the ribbon so that it was angled correctly. At this distance, Sayo could feel the heat emitting from the drummer's body that was due to how much she had to move but where the heat was coming from her own body was to be taken into questioning. She stifled a gulp as she caught the friendly blue eyes looking up at her and just the depth in them stalled Sayo's breath. 

Saaya was stunning. 

It was a given fact but up close and personal, being able to see the dark blue flecks in her slightly curved eyes was something else. She could see a light sheen to her skin, the fruits of her labour of working as hard as she was and the serene smile on Saaya's lips was inviting. 

"That happens more times than you'd believe". 

"It's simply a testament to your motivation when practicing, Yamabuki-san" Sayo commented and stepped back. 

Saaya grinned at the praise and the close vicinity of Roselia's guitarist, appreciating how considerate she was being, "Thank you. I won't be a moment". 

Sayo released the breath she had been holding and turned to see if her bandmates had noticed but thankfully, Rinko had gone to aid Lisa and Yukina was immersed into one of their composition sheets. From what Sayo could tell, it was for 'Oneness' which meant that that was the next song they were going to practice. 

She had to get her head straight, banishing the thought of Poppin'Party's drummer but over the course of the two weeks, Sayo had found that increasingly difficult. The woman was sure she was confusing adoration for admiration when it came to Saaya. 

_"She's a remarkable musician, determined and talented at her craft and it's something I admire"_ she thought to herself and adjusted her guitar strap, " _Yamabuki-san is_..".

Lisa and Rinko had entered the studio which brought the woman out of her thoughts which she was grateful for. The last thing she needed is for her train of musing to go down a line by that would be disastrous. 

Personal relationships weren't necessarily banned in Roselia, not since the others were involved with each other but if Sayo's attraction to Saaya was blooming, then there was one big problem regarding that. 

Or rather, there were _two_. 

"Sayo, you okay?" Lisa asked as she waved the drink in front of Sayo, "We lost you there for a second" she grinned. 

"Oh, my apologies, Imai-san. Thank you". 

"No problem! Say, what were you thinking about so deeply?". 

"I, uh, I was thinking of ways to utilise the stage at the venue to ensure our performance is flawless". 

Lisa chuckled as she watched Sayo sip her drink, "Of course, what else would you be thinking about". 

Sayo let the teasing pass, inured to it as Saaya entered the room and flashed her a smile which made her heart halt. She could only return it as she watched the woman's solid body manoeuvre her way around and take a seat at the drums. 

" _It is simply admiration_ " Sayo reiterated to herself whilst setting up, " _Hanazono-san and Ichigaya-san.._ ".

Not wanting to continue the thought that would only lead to quandary, Sayo shook her head slightly as Yukina resumed their session. 

"Is everyone ready to continue?".

A unanimous yes resounded through the studio as the beginning chords for 'Oneness' began. 

***

By the time Saaya arrived home, she was devitalised. 

Her body was moving both on autopilot and the urge to see her lovers. The practice had ran on in an effort to perfect a few tweaks here and there and before she knew it, it was late. 

Slowly, the drummer crept up her silent home and to the bedroom, creaking the door open gently in a bid to not wake Arisa or Tae if they were asleep. 

As she guessed, Arisa was the one awake. The blonde shifted her eyes from scrolling through her phone to meet the brunette's blues glancing at her fondly.

"Hey there, sweetheart" she greeted and dropped her things. 

"Hi" Arisa replied as she shifted her hand from Tae's hair to the curve of her spine which was exposed, "You look like hell, Saaya. If hell looked as half as good as you do but you know what I mean". 

Saaya chuckled at the woman's mordant personality which had only seasoned the older she became, "Charming as ever". 

She shuffled in after shedding her shirt and jeans, eyeing up her lovers carefully. 

They were both naked and Saaya could notice numerous red lines visible on Tae's pale back. Arisa's shoulder was bruised, a few bite marks standing out beneath the haphazard blonde curls. She could see their nightwear cumulated near the vanity and she could deduce it was Arisa's impulses that got the better of them if they were to have started making love there. 

The sight made Saaya's weariness evaporate substantially as she walked to the bed and laid down on her stomach, her face closer to Arisa's whilst her hand stroked Tae's shoulder. 

"Seriously, you look shattered, babe" Arisa said softly and cupped Saaya’s cheek, getting the woman to look at her, "Are they overworking you? If so, I can have a word with Minato". 

Saaya halted the bubbling of Arisa's aggression by leaning up and pressing her lips against the blonde's to initiate a few minutes of making out. She groaned at the lingering taste of a very distinct flavour; Tae. It made her want to forget about the entirety of the day other than what was happening now. 

"I'm okay, Arisa. Yukina-san and the others have been good to me so far" she replied once they parted, "I missed you both". 

She then lowered her head and kissed Tae gently, scattering her lips over her cheek and down to her shoulder to where the crimson markings were deep.

Arisa only hummed as she undid Saaya's black ribbon, letting the luxurious brunette hair tumble over her lover's shoulders before digging her nails into her scalp. 

"We missed you too, always do. Also, they'd better be" Arisa added in an inimical way before softening again, "I don't want you to collapse or lose your voice, Kasumi style". 

"Kasumi style" Saaya repeated with a laugh whilst looking up at the blonde, "That feels good". 

Arisa continued with what she was doing, anything to alleviate whatever tension was coursing through her drummer's body. Her reservations were still somewhat there and seeing Saaya the way she was just after two week was disconcerting.

"Saaya".

"Hmm?" Saaya hummed, the seriousness in Arisa's voice snapping her blue eyes open, "What is it?".

She opened her mouth to utter a string of her uncertainties regarding Saaya's practice sessions with Roselia but changed her mind, not wanting to take this opportunity away. All she could do was stand by Saaya's side and support her for the coming month whilst hoping nothing problematic occurred. 

"Are you enjoying yourself?" Arisa instead asked and curled her hand behind Saaya's shoulders.

The brunette smiled, "I am. Well, it'll never compare to playing with you all" she added as Arisa rolled her eyes, a feint blush on her cheeks, "But yes, it may be testing but it feels worth it. Sayo-san has been such a help in terms of preparing me into adjusting to their patterns".

"Melting the ice queen, huh" Arisa quipped.

"You're one to talk, princess".

"Don't get cute with me".

Saaya chuckled and leaned up to kiss her lover again before snuggling up against her shoulder whilst caressing Tae's hair, the woman crinkling her nose in an adorable manner, "You both are quite similar, to be fair".

"Is that meant to be a compliment?" Arisa scoffed playfully.

"It is. She has changed. Just like you did. You can really tell how much she loves her band and friends, even if she doesn't show it in obvious ways" Saaya replied and breathed out against the blonde's marked skin, "Kind of like you".

Saaya could feel the pout from her lover, "Alright I get it".

"I love that about you though, always have" Saaya softly reassured as sleep started to blanket her, "And I'm sure I always will" she yawned.

Arisa smiled as she took in Saaya's slumbering expression and then Tae's. 

Two of the most important things in her life and their happiness; that's what is about for Arisa now.

Saaya was right, they all had changed in various ways and for the better. Regardless of what other changes were to happen, the woman knew they'd be able to get through whatever was thrown at them. 


	4. Chipping The Ice

* * *

With the shows now two weeks away, the practice sessions had overtaken Saaya's schedule and she had to balance work, her band, her siblings and her time with Roselia. 

Her routine had become precarious and time sensitive. The drummer's organisation skills were being tested to their limits as she hopped from one task to another with barely a moment to breath. 

Saaya couldn't deny that it was taking its toll on her and it was Roselia's precocious guitarist who was the one to realise Saaya's plight so Sayo opted to relieve the brunette of practice for the day. Both women went out for a bite to eat instead of their usual routine after Saaya spent the day with her band. 

Sayo knew Saaya was most likely going to go home and practice anyway so it was that part of the information which allowed Yukina to be somewhat lenient with the decision. Lisa and Rinko were on board with it, naturally, so they all decided that the day would be spent recuperating.

That and Lisa had noticed something different in terms of Sayo's behaviour as of late with the support drummer and she wasn't sure what route her friend was taking. 

Waving them off, she and Rinko began walking back to the brunette's home, her face pensive, "Sayo's changed a bit, right? Or is it just me?".

"She seems..relaxed. Especially around Yamabuki-san" Rinko noted quietly, "It's good, is it not?".

"Normally I'd say yeah but, if it is what I think it is and I _hope_ not, it'll get messy for her. She's gonna end up hurt. Again".

The 'again' lingered between the couple as the flashbacks of Sayo's relationship with Tsugumi infiltrated the space. 

They knew Sayo hadn't recovered from that break up and they wondered if she truly ever would. Her actions had become timorous and tentative when it came to her heart after the ordeal. 

It had almost destroyed their friend. 

"Hikawa-san is aware of Saaya-san's relationship with Ichigaya-san and Hanazono-san?".

"She is" Lisa smiled, albeit sadly as she clasped Rinko's hand, "You can't help who you fall for, though" she winked at the endearing keyboardist whom was cycling through various shades of pink.

"Imai-" Rinko was about to say before the brunette shot her a teasing stare, "L-lisa".

"Better" she chuckled and squeezed the small hand in hers, "Sayo's a smart woman, too aware of people's boundaries so I'm sure nothing will happen. I know the last thing she wants to do is act on whatever she is feeling for Saaya's sake. She is a little too selfless for her own good sometimes but I guess for now, it might be for the best".

"I suppose..".

The reservation in Rinko's tone made the bassist glance her way as they stopped by the crosswalk when the lights changed, "Babe?".

"It..it seems unfair, for Hikawa-san. After Hazawa-san, I mean. It would have been nice for her to..feel that way again" Rinko replied, her eyes expressing her concern for her friend, "Hikawa-san is not the kind of person to obtain emotions for someone so easily".

"And yet, a month with Saaya has definitely awoken something in Sayo after that mess with Tsugumi" Lisa connected the dots, "It is unfair if you think of it that way. But with Saaya's relationship with Arisa and Tae, it's..not ideal for her. But don't worry, Rinko, we just have to support Sayo the best we can. And Saaya too. I don't know if she has picked up on Sayo's attraction but she is way too nice to actually want to hurt anyone. She's a good person".

Rinko nodded in agreement, "Good people tend to get hurt more". 

The sentence made Lisa smile in a melancholy manner as she put her arm around Rinko, pulling the woman in closer, "A morbid thought but true. But it's alright, we will be here if anything does go wrong. Just a week of practice left and then we have the lives and we'll see if anything happens after".

That's all they could do; wait and remain privy to what unfurls from this unexpected change regarding Saaya and Sayo.

The best case scenario would involve Sayo's blossoming feelings remaining in the shadows, until she figured out what she was experiencing for Saaya. 

Something genuine, or something that was a rebound. 

Whether it would impact the performances, they couldn't say.

***

Back at the burger joint, Sayo and Saaya were immersed in conversation as they finished off their food. It was by chance they bumped into Rinko and Lisa and the two offered for them to join them but Lisa declined, as did Rinko. 

They went back to their topic of discussion with ease as Saaya was filling Sayo in about her family.

"Jun and Sana are in high school now so they are busy with that" Saaya divulged fondly, "It's..strange, just watching them grown up and becoming independent. It has been a huge help for me and dad as they help out whenever they can".

"You are heavily invested in taking care of them from what I hear, so it's only natural to feel that sense of sombreness" Sayo spoke up, "It must have been..difficult for you, Yamabuki-san".

Saaya pushed around the food on her plate at what Sayo was hinting at; the death of her mother.

It still felt raw even though a few years had flown by. In this case, time merely numbed the sensation and Saaya was grateful for even that small inkling of reprieve. 

The responsibility and grief made for some of the worst moments of Saaya's life but she stood by and did her best to support her father and siblings. Without her lovers and the rest of her friends, she knew she wouldn't have coped as well and would have been in a condition that couldn't be cleared. She smiled a sad smile before taking in Sayo's considerate stare, waiting to see whether the conversation was something she could intrude on.

"It was a struggle. I lost myself part way through" Saaya admitted with a wry laugh, "I think about her everyday. I just want her to be.. at peace now".

"Please forgive me for my prying" Sayo quickly uttered as she could see the barrage of emotions dance around the pretty drummer's countenance.

"Ah, no not at all. The grief will always linger but I know my mother wouldn't want me to drown in it. So, in her memory I try and do the best I can for my family and friends".

Sayo nodded, "And for yourself I should hope. You too, deserve that peace, Yamabuki-san".

The brunette chuckled at the level of consideration the once stoic guitarist was providing with ease, "That is a work in progress, admittedly. Though the others and O-Tae and Arisa, well, they never forget to remind me of it and do what they can to lift me up. Arisa endured enough when her grandparents past away, like how she tried to hide her pain but I couldn't let her suffer like that and she is..doing the same for me now".

Sayo recalled that detail too, the feeling of grief being far too prevalent within Poppin'Party. 

"Having such a strong support system like that is integral so relying on them is a must" Sayo commented, her green eyes softening even more so, "They seem to excel in being there for you". 

Saaya hummed in agreement as she thought of her lovers, "They are remarkable. I am lucky to have them". 

"Ah of course. I'm pleased to hear so" Sayo responded and went for her fries again as she thought of Saaya's girlfriends, "It's quite a unique relationship you have, I must admit".

" _Unique_ is an understatement" Saaya laughed warmly, "But I wouldn't change anything for the world should it mean Arisa and O-Tae aren't by my side. Honestly, if time has taught me something, it is to savour the moment. I know I fall into the habit of locking up myself up for the sake of others, but I don't regret it. Not when it comes to being and feeling the way I can for the ones I care about" she spoke up before catching herself, "I'm sorry, just rambling here aren't I?" she smiled. 

The guitarist shook her head slightly and returned the smile, "Not at all, I understand, Yamabuki-san" she reassured, " _More than you can imagine_ " she thought whilst thinking of the numerous relationships she has had to fix such as with her sister. She also thought of the relationships she had lost, like with Tsugumi. 

It was true that at _any_ moment, anyone of them could be taken away so cruelly so Sayo often found herself reminiscent of past, the what ifs and the regrets.

Tsugumi’s face flashed across her mind which summoned a dull ache in her chest but she willed herself to stomp it down. It was unexpected, the severing of their relationship and yet it happened. Sayo was deeply wounded and she was the kind of woman who carried her scars secretly which didn't bode for a healthy combination. 

Not all bridges could be reconstructed after being burned to the ground and then swept away by a raging river.

"I think having a goal, a reason to wake up is essential. We have our bands, friends, family and in your case, Hanazono-san and Ichigaya-san".

"You _can_ say girlfriends you know" Saaya grinned whilst wiping her fingers on her napkin, "I know we haven't had the chance to talk much but that did change after school, right? You know them as well as you know me. I mean the offer to be your support drummer was something else but I'm glad for it, more so since we get to speak more" she chuckled. 

"Well, you've proven that it was not a decision made in haste" Sayo affirmed and sipped her drink, "It has been quite an experience for us to have you on board. The consistency of your drumming despite the new content you've had to learn is remarkable".

Seeing Saaya blush the way she did made Sayo's heart lurch in ways that shouldn't be medically possible. Her deep blue eyes lit up as she tilted her head to the side, the crepuscular light of the establishment hitting the brunette curls in all the right ways. Sayo had to clench her fist that was on the table to calm her erratic heart and spiralling thoughts.

" _She is...mesmeric_ ". 

That being said, there were lines that were simply not meant to be crossed. 

"Sayo-san, you are way too kind" Saaya managed, "But truly, I'm happy to know that I am not lagging behind. I'm looking forward to performing with you all so I really want to make sure I'm at the standards which you see acceptable"

The guitarist cleared her throat as a distraction, "Rest assured you are. On the topic, how are your performances going with Poppin'Party? Are you managing everything okay?".

"It has been pretty tiring but they've gone well so far" Saaya replied, falling into slight contemplation, "I get what O-Tae was feeling that time..".

"The debacle with RAS" Sayo said, her lips turning into a frown when thinking about what happened at their joint cultural festival in school, "That was a problematic time indeed".

"Though it won't be anything as serious as that so please don't worry about my commitment to either of the bands. I want to ensure that everyone is happy with my performances".

Saaya's quick response assuaged the guitarist but the conversation did make her think of the drummer's well-being further. 

There definitely was fatigue nestled around her aura which was to be expected. The way Saaya practiced was hypnotic to watch, her arms and torso flowing with the steady rhythm that kept the rest of the band going. Achieving that with them and Poppin'Party's tracks could not have been simple to balance.

"Yamabuki-san" Sayo said, her voice firm but not cold, "We appreciate the effort entailed and matching it" she lauded the woman "But please keep an eye on your health. I imagine you must have heard the same thing from the others but bare it in mind".

Touched by Sayo's concern, Saaya smiled warmly and she could see the latent worry pinched between the radiant woman's brows. She still couldn't quite get used to the way Sayo had grown but it was marvelling to witness, this solid yet tender side to Roselia's obscure guitarist who barely revealed anything. She seemed to be the embodiment of longanimity now and it was something Saaya could admire. 

"I will do" she replied softly, "Thank you for looking out for me".

"Of course, you are a part of Roselia for the duration of the time so your wellbeing is our concern" Sayo stated before adding something else, "Ah, that isn't to imply that after the event is done, your wellbeing isn't of interest to me" she rushed out before realising what that could mean "By interest, I mean strictly platonic and not.." Sayo stammered uncharacteristically. 

Saaya was already in chuckle mode as Sayo narrowed her eyes, face ablaze with a rose blush that made the woman look even more endearing than usual.

"Yamabuki-san..".

"I'm sorry" Saaya stopped herself and grinned, "I understand what you meant. It just isn't often many outside of Roselia get to see you like this so I think I'll enjoy these cute moments" she added, her eyes alight with mischief, "It's like watching Arisa all over again".

"I-is that so" Sayo could only grumble half-heartedly, the comparison to Arisa stirring something within her. 

"You're a bit like O-Tae too, now that I think of it" Saaya realised and the look on Sayo's face, one of perplexity, made her stifle another laugh, "Not in her sweet airhead of ways I mean".

"Then in what way, prey tell, am I like Hanazono-san" Sayo enquired and wondered if she was going to regret asking. 

Saaya ran her eyes over Sayo; taking in her beguiling face, imagining her lover in her place and fitting the pieces, "Tall, mysterious and perceptive too. And..beautiful".

Sayo wasn't sure how to digest this information, " _Compliment_?" she wondered as she gauged the brunette's expression.

"I admit I am unsure of how to process your observation, Yamabuki-san" Sayo said after regaining her thoughts at the probing eyes watching her, " _Goodness, this woman is quite something else"_.

"It is definitely a good thing" Saaya reassured with a charming smile, "Maybe that's why I'm somewhat more comfortable with you than first expected" she added shyly.

Sayo could take that as a positive thing if Saaya was at ease with her so she let the comforting words simmer within her mind, but she couldn't help the trickle of dredge pouring through her feelings. Being compared to her lovers likes that, both of them no less when she was feeling things she shouldn't. Her moral rectitude was being tested harshly and unfairly. 

"That is reassuring" the guitarist mumbled, her face unable to take another torrent of blushing "It is essential to feel at ease with those you are performing with". 

"Agreed" Saaya said as she checked the time on her phone, noticing it was getting late, " Ah, seems we've let the time fly by. You know the saying about how time flies and fruit flies " she humoured herself, pleased that Sayo picked up on the saying "I had a good time today, Sayo-san, thank you". 

"No thanks required" the woman brushed off, "The sentiments are mutual. Imai-san has taught us the importance of relaxing now and then and it seems to have been ingrained into my mind". 

"She's a wise woman" Saaya agreed and cleared her things as well as Sayo's, "Shall we get going?".

They stood up as Sayo collected her things and followed the brunette out, "Yes. I assume you have plans with the band?".

"Not tonight" the drummer smiled whilst walking out, "We practiced earlier today so me, Arisa and O-Tae were going to spend some time together. Admittedly, I haven't had a chance to properly have some downtime with them so I'm looking forward to tonight".

There was that bubbling cauldron of bitterness stirring in Sayo's stomach at the mention of Arisa and O-Tae. She could not stop herself from taking her thoughts down a more licentious route which fuelled her with a mixture of warmth and cold waves. 

"I see" she replied and tucked her hands into her coat pockets, "I hope you have a pleasant night in that case, Yamabuki-san".

"Thank you" Saaya said and watched the woman next to her, "How about you?".

"I'll be heading home and getting some practice in with Minato-san. I believe Imai-san and Shirokane-san are still out and Udagawa-san is of course, away". 

Saaya chuckled at the reply "That sounds like you" she commented, "But please rest too. It's no good if you are not heeding the advice you gave to me". 

The teasing way Saaya had said that made Sayo tear her gaze away from the luminescent blues making their home in her heart, "I wouldn't think otherwise".

The brunette grinned as they walked home together, unaware of the turbulent emotions coursing within the guitarist. 

Little did she know of the paradox of complexities Sayo had become embroiled in. 

For her. 


	5. Ripple Effect

* * *

  
Sayo couldn't breath. 

Regardless of how desperately she wanted to gulp in for the elixir that was air, there was a substance far more valuable and intoxicating covering her lips. 

The steadiness of the body on top of her kept her grounded to the earth, to reality, at least she hoped so. 

Her hands grabbed at the back of the woman's head, dragging her mouth further against her own as Sayo felt the tell-tale signs of fingertips grazing up her inner thigh. 

Sayo relented, surrendered, submitted. 

Resilience and restraint had been long abandoned the moment Saaya entered her room. 

Sayo wanted _more_. 

She yearend for someone to make her forget. 

Forget what pain and hardship felt like. 

Forget the chains digging into her wrists that kept her bound. 

Forget the emptiness in her chest where something alive once resided. 

Saaya made her want to welcome amnesia. 

So Sayo tumbled and went limp as the brunette gave her relief, an out from the tumultuous thoughts rampaging in her brain. 

Finally being able to inhale, Sayo's head went back against the pillow as she panted and sucked in the oxygen she had been lovingly deprived of but only for a second. Her fingers became rigid whilst dragging them down Saaya's back when the drummer halted her meticulous teasing. 

Her rugged digits barely skimmed the surface. 

Her lengthy phalanx just about dipped in. 

Her cupped palm ghosted over the shell. 

It was too much. 

Saaya's name emitted from Sayo's mouth in deep gasps as she was given her reprieve from such an unexpected source. 

Yamabuki Saaya was something else. 

Gentle, encompassing, amiable. 

She was so warm. 

Sayo's eyes opened to see Saaya staring down at her. 

Those vivid blue orbs were electrifying to gaze into, luring her in like a siren. 

She kept falling, falling against Saaya's hand and presence. 

Sayo was in too deep now. 

There was no climbing out of the comfortable spot Saaya had carved out with her loving hands, which yielded the same control over Sayo's body in the way the brunette could do so with percussives. 

And all Sayo could do was follow and fall. 

"More...I want more" she pleaded as her own eyes glazed over due to what was happening between her legs and in her heart, "Saaya..".

Saaya smiled at the way Sayo was calling out for _her_. 

It prompted her to deliver what the reserved woman required so vivaciously and before Sayo knew it, she couldn't breath again as she became undone in every manner. 

"Saaya..".

Desire riddled her tone as Sayo coiled herself around the brunette in a vice like grip, legs and arms taut against the woman's flushed skin as she met the tempo of Saaya's hand. 

She was so close, so painfully _close_ to letting go and allowing Poppin'Party's affable drummer to consume her and Saaya was waiting. 

Patiently waiting whilst soothing Sayo from her perilous predicament. 

"Sayo..".

The drummer's voice was barely above a whisper against Sayo's open mouth but it was enough. 

Sayo snapped and unravelled against her as darkness surrounded her. 

"Saaya..!".

Sayo woke up with a jolt, her heart racing uncontrollably whilst she ran her eyes around her room to adjust to being awoken so suddenly. 

Her skin was flushed with exertion and a sheen of sweat but that wasn't the reason she felt clammy, _uncouth_. The lentitude of her actions whilst rousing took its toll on the woman, her body in a lag mode from her disturbed sleep. 

To be having libidinous dreams like that, and about someone that _didn't_ belong to her. 

Sayo felt compunction as she brushed her hair back and took in a deep breath. Her lungs were fed accordingly in a bid to distract herself from the remnants of the torturous mirage she had been plunged into.

It wasn't fair, it was plain wrong for her subconscious to make her suffer that way. 

Sayo squinted her eyes shut as her askew emotions aligned themselves while the vision of Saaya's sultry countenance remained at the forefront of her mind. 

"I'm projecting.." Sayo reasoned with herself, "Yamabuki-san simply reminds me of _her_ , that's all. That is all this is". 

" _You don't believe that, do you?_ ". 

A voice that suspiciously sounded like Hina started toying with her. 

" _Are you that afraid to let someone else in after Tsugumi that you're going to say everyone reminds you of her_?". 

Sayo clenched her teeth and slumped back against her tangled sheets. 

" _Admit it, you've fallen for Saaya hard enough that she can make you forget about the coffee cub_ ". 

"Coffee cub.." the guitarist sighed in exasperation at that. 

Her subconscious voice was definitely her sister. 

Whom was usually sharp when she wasn't oblivious to common tells. 

Which meant that there was _some_ truth in what she was saying. 

But none of this mattered because Saaya was so absurdly unavailable. 

There wasn't a chance in any metaphorical hell that she would have a shot with her even if she wanted to. 

Sayo couldn't deal with it right now. 

She needed sleep and checked her phone for the time whilst calculating how much she'd get till she had to wake up again. 

4 hours. It would do. 

However, she couldn't help but to dive into her photo album, searching through the group chat which held all five bands and the troves of images sent between them all. 

Her eyes went through the images that held Saaya, including photographs they'd taken together during joint lives and spontaneous days out. The aching in her chest returned by the tenfold as she took in the woman's alluring features, her energy and her presence. 

There was an image of them together with Saaya pressed close against her and Sayo's arm over her shoulder, a small smile on the guitarist's lips.

The look was mirrored on Sayo's face now, albeit with fear at what was happening and what she was thinking. 

Perhaps this indecipherable thing for Saaya had always been building well before she could have realised it. The justification provided a putative reason as to why her attraction to the drummer had grown. 

"I need to see her".   
  


***

Saaya's rhythmic drumming reverberated around the basement, each collision against the drums and pedals being pressed creating a loud yet hypnotic cadence.

The brunette's drumming had O-Tae in a daze.

Her verdant eyes zeroed in on Saaya's attractive face, the sheer concentration she had when playing along the beats to Roselia's 'R'. The last four weeks had proven to be strenuous yet fulfilling for her lover and Tae could see just how much Saaya was reveling in what she was doing.

Tae was pleased Saaya was being allowed to demonstrate the true extent of her skills; she deserved the accolades and so much more.

But at the same time, she'd noticed the strain in her girlfriend's eyes and the exhaustion in her body and it only enhanced Tae's solicitude nature for Saaya. Even now, there was a slight lag in Saaya's movements as she flew into the finishing notes, her eyes darting from the cymbals to the kick drum to the snare. A slick layer of perspiration could be seen on Saaya's exposed skin, the light of the basement accentuating the curves that were shimmering.

She was dressed in one of Tae's sleeveless zip up jackets, navy coloured with a pair of white shorts.

It was a get up the guitarist loved seeing the woman strutting around in as well as whenever Arisa 'borrowed' her clothes. That sight was endearing in its own way since the blonde tended to drown in both Saaya's and Tae's hoodies.

Tae stood up and walked over to her lover, moving slowly as she watched Saaya come down from the thrill of performing such a high octane track. She stepped behind her and rested her hands on the woman's bare shoulders, squeezing the tense limbs gently.

She didn't say anything as she rubbed her palms and fingers over the brunette's shoulders methodically, the sounds of a much needed release exuding from Saaya's mouth. The knots were prevalent on Saaya's form as Tae rolled the joints of her shoulder blades and watched the way Saaya slumped forward.

"O-Tae" she moaned, her drumsticks lingering in her palms that had turned to a putty like consistency.

The strength in Tae's hands was evenly distributed over Saaya's shoulders as she spoke up, "You're pushing yourself, Saaya".

Saaya couldn't reply, her body dropping at the firm caresses of her lover's hands pushing away the tireless hours of practice. She registered the guitarist's words but couldn't respond still, couldn't deny that she had been practicing excessively. Tae's thumbs rubbed circles around the bottom of Saaya's hairline, pressing the skin softly as her ponytail didn't get in the way and the fact that Tae knew _where_ to touch her was making it impossible to think about anything else.

Her hands gripped the rim of the main drum as her blue eyes remained closed, unable to remain observant of anything around her other than Tae's thighs behind her back and hands caressing her shoulders and back.

But Saaya knew she couldn't afford being distracted now.

Poppin'Party's live the previous night went superbly and she had to keep up the standard, for the sake of both bands.

So with that in mind, she grabbed a hold of one of Tae's hands to get her to halt the action of making her feel good in an effort to continue practicing more, "I'm okay. But I need to practice".

" _You_ need to relax" Tae countered and lowered her face down to eye level with the brunette's neck, kissing the back of it with slight pressure, "That was the deal. Not to mention you have been at this for 3 hours now".

She knew it was a weak spot and she felt Saaya's reserve crumble as the grip on her hand slackened, both due to enervation and the tightening in her stomach in response to her lover's enticing actions. She couldn't refute her, knowing that another hour of practice would have the opposite effect as opposed to increasing her skills so she succumbed and allowed Tae to lead her to the couch.

Leaning against Tae's form, Saaya found herself being guided to lay down on the couch and she happily let her body fall against the surface. Her eyes remained opened, amused as she glanced at Tae's hovering presence, "Is _this_ your idea of making me relax, O-Tae?".

Tae smirked. "Problem?".

Hooking her arms behind Tae's neck, she pulled the woman in, or tried to but the guitarist stopped her actions as her green eyes peered against Saaya's own.

Saaya knew what was about to entail, the concern etched around Tae's lips as she licked them whilst her hand ghosted over Saaya's cheek.

"O-Tae".

"Are you sure you are okay?" she asked tentatively, "You're even more detached than I usually am".

"I am?" Saaya murmured, "I hadn't realised so but I'm okay, really sweetheart. Maybe it's the nerves appearing since the lives are in less than 2 weeks now".

"That doesn't mean you have to push yourself" Tae stressed and ran the fingers of her other hand up Saaya's legs before cupping the underside of her thigh, "Saaya".

The drummer gulped at the way Tae was staring at her while the hand on her cheek stopped its movement, opting to travel down to the zip of her jacket. Through her gaze, she couldn't register the way her body was reacting to Tae's subtle yet calculated actions. Her legs had separated with ease and goosebumps appeared wherever the guitarist touched her. 

"I know, you are right" she exhaled and gripped Tae's hips, "I also know its been an inconvenience for you and everyone but it'll be over soon. If I make any mistakes during the lives, please tell me".

"I don't care about that".

"O-Tae..".

Tae's tone was rich as her lips moved closer to Saaya's till they were pressed over hers, "There's no point perfecting anything if you can barely think straight due to exhaustion".

"Huh, you can't say something like _that_ when you're on top of me like this" Saaya managed to tease, hoping to alleviate her lover's concerns.

"That's..fair" she smiled against the brunette's lips as her hands met at the zipper of the jacket, slowly dragging it apart to reveal Saaya's flushed body "But I'm being serious, don't overdo it. Stop thinking right now and just let me touch you".

"I can do that" Saaya breathed out as the warm air of the room hit her body, "I love you so much, O-Tae".

Tae's fingers travelled up and squeezed Saaya's chest, trailing the pads of her digits over the smooth material of the woman's bra before dipping her head down again to kiss Saaya. Her other hand skimmed over the curves around Saaya's hips, scaling them over her defined stomach till she could scrape her nails over the naval.

It elicited a delicious moan from her lover, allowing Tae into Saaya's mouth to strike her tongue with her own. The proposition was enough to lure Saaya away from anything other than what they were doing, realigning her focus on the more hedonistic side that needed to be initiated by the women that loved her. 

As thrilled as Tae was in seeing her lover shining during their performances, proving herself over and over that she was more than proficient as Roselia's support drummer, there was _something_ lingering in the back of her mind.

Whether Saaya was being lured away from them, from herself and Arisa. 

Tae saw things, noticed things about Saaya's blooming friendship with Sayo. 

She hoped that that wasn't the case. 

"I miss you" she murmured after pulling her tongue out of Saaya's mouth, watching the blush appear on the woman's delicate cheeks.

Saaya could only gasp at Tae's method of soothing her, the guitarist licking her way down her neck in one smooth motion, "O-Tae..".

Tae zeroed in on suckling the skin on the side of Saaya's neck, sinking her teeth in hard enough to make Saaya's body lurch upwards in pleasure. She whimpered sensually, her arms clinging onto Tae's t-shirt clad hips just as ferociously. 

There was _nothing_ tender about the bite, it was ardent, territorial.

She wanted Saaya to see the mark whenever she looked at the mirror.

She wanted Roselia to see the imprint whenever Saaya went to practice with them. 

She wanted Sayo to be reminded of where Saaya called her home. 

Roselia was temporary, Saaya belonged to Poppin'Party, to her and Arisa.

All of these feelings were projected as she felt Saaya's skin burn in her mouth but Tae listened out just in case her lover wanted her to stop. There was no indication of that when she felt Saaya's hand clamp into her hair and pull down with fervour. It made Tae wince but her teeth remained clamped onto Saaya's neck, sucking the surface to aid the pain before she pulled away.

Her deluge was glistening on the drummer's skin as she took in the angry bruise that was prevalent. The dent of her teeth stood out with redness, so deep in the flesh that she was relieved she hadn't made Saaya bleed.

"I miss you" she repeated and stared at the panting woman beneath her.

The dull ache in Saaya's neck didn't lessen despite the tender sentiments in Tae's green eyes.

She knew there had been less time to spend with her lovers due to her erratic timetable so she understood, _understood_ just exactly what Tae meant when she said she missed her, _needed_ her.

"I'm here" she replied, voice dulcet as Tae proceeded to kiss her way down her body after whispering in her ear.

"I love you, Saaya".

Unbeknownst to the two women entangled in their emotions for each other, they hadn't realised that they had a guest whom was frozen on the spot. 

Sayo was quiet in her steps wherever she went but for once, she wished her presence could have been noted right then. 

Arisa had let her in since she needed to see Saaya, about practice.

Or so she reasoned with herself.

It was an excuse, of course she knew that as she was yearning to see the brunette after thinking about her all day and before she knew it, her legs were moving on their own accord. She found herself in front of the Ichigaya residence, staring at the entrance for a few minutes, deciding whether it was wise to intrude on Saaya when she had a few hours free from practice, free to spend time with the ones she loved. 

Sayo wished she had pondered on it a second long, anything to have stopped her from walking in on this concupiscent scene. 

Sayo concluded that Arisa hadn't known what the two were doing as she most likely wouldn't have directed her to the basement if that was case. 

It felt like a metaphorical slap to the face for the guitarist after the dreams she'd been having. 

To see Tae _living_ that dream. 

She willed for her legs to move, to run, to just leave the sight of Saaya laying there with Tae delivering fervid kisses down her stomach, her hands gripping the brunette's waist in a way where she wasn't going to let _anyone_ other than Arisa get close to her. 

In an unnerving way, Sayo had a feeling Tae knew _something_ was in the air in terms of the practice sessions but there was no way she could had made her affection for Saaya as evident, she had been sure of that.

Saaya's hands were coiled around Tae's luscious hair as her thighs were spread to allow the woman to fit perfectly between them. The only thing Sayo could think about was what she would have given to be in Tae's place right now, or just to be her.

This was wrong, Sayo was well aware of that but she drank in Saaya's lithe form, noticing the way her full chest was beating erratically as she groaned out Tae's name. Tae had gone down to her naval as her hands made agile work of unbuttoning Saaya's shorts and the moan that exuded from Saaya's mouth was enough to snap Sayo out of her trance like state.

Backing up the stairs, Sayo quietly closed the door to the warehouse whilst steadying her breath. The image of Tae and Saaya was burned into her mind and she wondered if it was a blessing that she didn't see Arisa with them, stuck in some venereal position to alleviate Saaya's tension while professing her love for Saaya like Tae had. 

Sayo's face had contorted into a mix of anguish and disappointment as she rushed out of the warehouse, not bothering to look back to the side to see Arisa watching her power walk out of their home. 

Arisa knew _that_ expression all too well, she had endured it plenty of times in the past when it came to the tentative acceptance that she could _feel_ something, feel it for someone, or in this case, two somebodies.

It was confusion blended with desire, a hopscotch of emotions if there was ever such a thing.

She didn't like that look on Sayo's face.


	6. Closer

* * *

  
The next day, Saaya had returned to practice with Roselia at their place. 

Her body was still aching in a different way now, not that she had any complaints as the distraction from Tae, and then Arisa, was welcomed which was notable by the blissful look on her face. 

Arisa and Tae had left her satisfied till their own bodies were wary, all three unable to move from the makeshift bed that had become the basement floor. That being said, she did pick up on the slightly aggressive than usual ways Arisa and Tae were touching her, like they were imprinting themselves onto Saaya's body for the world to know. There was no hesitation in their actions as they drowned the brunette in waves of unadulterated undoing which she so desperately needed. 

They were all on edge, this much Saaya knew and could feel it whenever she held Tae and Arisa. 

The lives with Roselia were around the corner and the anticipation was tangible from all those involved.

She just hoped her lovers could make do with the current arrangement for a little longer.

""Hey! Come on in!" Lisa greeted as she let the drummer in, "I'm just gonna go with Rinko to Yukina's parents place. We need to collect a couple of things we'll need, okay? Sayo is in her room so just head there for now".

"Got it" Saaya replied and took her shoes off, "Are you sure I can't help with anything else, Lisa-san?". 

"Not at all" Lisa grinned and winked at her, "You've done more than enough already so don't worry about it" she reassured before waving "Will see you in a few!".

"Take care". 

Saaya smiled and walked into the band's living room and dropped off some baked goods on the table, her eyes adjusting to the space. She had been here after the initial meeting but it was strange to think how quickly the time had gone by as she recalled her reservations and fears of joining them. Saaya was relieved that nothing too problematic had arisen from the situation.

She knew she was just about keeping up with her tasks but she was managing. The help she had obtained from everyone else was integral so she was aware that she'd be a tad stuck without them.

The way she had carried out her repayment was doing her best to ensure the performances would be perfect, just as she had done with Poppin'Party's recent lives.

All she had to do was continue on the path she was on and everything would work out for the best. This was the drummer's mantra as she navigated her way deeper into the apartment to find Sayo. 

A gentle strumming of a guitar caught Saaya out of her reverie, the sound velvety and lilting, quite unusual from what she had been practicing.

Without a thought, her legs followed the direction of the gentle melody being conjured with utmost softness till she was face to face with what was most likely Sayo's bedroom door. With a few steady knocks, she waited for Sayo to answer, "Sayo-san, it's me"

"Come in".

Saaya entered the room and found the guitarist on her bed, her guitar in hand as they met eyes briefly before Sayo returned to finish the composition she was working on. The brunette respected the woman's space after Sayo motioned for her to take a set anywhere.

She found herself seated at the table in the middle of the room on the floor, watching Sayo strum her melodic piece, mesmerised by the way her fingers were gliding over the strings and the fretboard with expertise.

At that moment, Saaya was reminded of how she resembled Tae, her list of comparisons unintentionally building the more she spent time with Sayo.

If Tae had her hair up the way Sayo had now, donned in the attire of black skinny jeans and a grey t-shirt that was cropped to her shoulders, Saaya would be looking at Tae.

That consuming gaze filled with slightly more asperity, the same accuracy in which her fingers were working the guitar, the effortless action in the way the composition was coming together. 

They could have been the same woman.

"Yamabuki-san?". 

"Ah, sorry" Saaya chuckled and reigned her thoughts in, "I got lost there, that was beautiful. Is it something new for the band?".

"Possibly" Sayo replied and placed her guitar back on its stand, "I have been experimenting with various sounds lately".

"It sounds gentle, Sayo-san" Saaya commented, "I guess I'm used to your more heavier arrangements. Come to think of it, you don't usually play acoustic, do you?". 

Sayo shook her head, "Only when I'm practicing and with no amps near by. I appreciate your opinion on it. At times, gentle isn't unwelcoming. And it can convey plenty of meaning, _if_ enough thought goes into it".

"I agree. It's obvious in all the bands, isn't it?" she nodded and thought back to each band's style, "No matter how different our sounds are, the message everyone wants to deliver is deep within the music. I love that about music, how every interpretation is different for each individual".

Sayo smiled at the sentient observation as she took in the woman whom was the beacon of reasonable justifications. 

It was as accurate as could be.

Regardless of what style, music was an art, interpretive to everyone.

Roselia's sound might be a complete contrast to Hello, Happy World's atmosphere but that didn't mean their songs didn't pack the punch for their listeners. It might have been fatuous to some but for others, like the children they played for in the hospitals, it was an escape. 

For the right audience, for the one that sought the sound, for the one that the message would be conveyed to clearly. 

Music was transcendental. 

"I couldn't agree more with that sentiment" Sayo said, "I take it Imai- san has gone to retrieve Minato-san and Shirokane-san?".

"Yes, she said they won't be long".

"In that case, I'll put some tea on for us till they return".

It was taking longer for the trio in question to return so Sayo and Saaya were still in the guitarist's bedroom, talking about anything and everything including the live shows coming up.

However, Sayo was distracted. 

What was plaguing her mind was the scene she saw unfurling the day earlier.

She had no idea how she was going to focus on practice with thoughts like that becoming overbearing in her head and having the woman right next to her wasn't helping. What she was strumming on her guitar earlier was meant to be a distraction, some work to do for future Roselia productions but with Saaya walking within her mind, Sayo's hands and fingers started composing something else. 

Something passionate, something that made her feel alive again, something lambent. 

In a way, thinking of Saaya whilst creating music was a warning for Sayo not to take that leap _again_.

She'd opened up completely to Tsugumi, with many of the guitarist's private works and pieces based off of the idea of her existence and that didn't pan out well. When Tsugumi called it off, every composition Sayo had created when thinking of her become stale and rotted with callous feelings.

She couldn't risk that again, but at the same time, she couldn't help it. 

Sayo couldn't help half of the actions that were spewing out of her mind now. 

"Ah, Arisa mentioned you dropped by yesterday?". 

" _Damn it_ " Sayo thought since the conversation couldn't be avoided now, "Just briefly, not to worry".

"You should have come to the basement" Saaya said whilst watching Sayo take a bite of a pasty, chewing it slowly. 

" _I wish I hadn't_ " Sayo mused to herself, "It's okay, I do apologise. I should have called you before arriving unannounced".

"Not at all" Saaya reassured, "I was practicing and uhm, O-Tae was there so..".

"So you got a little distracted by Hanazono-san?".

If Saaya didn't know any better, she'd say the guitarist was teasing her. 

She knew her purple top barely concealed the marks on her neck that were covered up to the best of her makeup application. The one on the left side was more difficult to conceal and thinking of the way Tae had delivered that one bite alone heated the brunette up. Not only that, her skirt just about covered the scratches on her thighs which were the remnants of Arisa's antics, the blonde's teeth and lips ghosting over her still. 

She regretted not grabbing a jacket at least but it was too late to mull over it now. 

The unreadable yet slightly amused gleam in Sayo's probing green eyes bore into Saaya's soul.

Saaya laughed in her warm way whilst toying with tea cup on the table, "I guess so. I was practicing a little intensely and well, O-Tae can be a distraction".

"Hmm.." Sayo hummed before her eyes traced to the brunette's hairline, just behind her ear where a bruise remained, "You missed one".

"What's that?" Saaya asked but stopped as she felt Sayo's fingers find themselves pressed on her skin, "S-sayo-san?" 

Sayo seemed entranced by the reddish purple bruise behind the woman's ear, so prevalent and territorial. She couldn't help but to press down, feeling the way Saaya shivered under her touch. It was a peculiar angle for a bite and Sayo wondered in what way Tae must have had Saaya to place her teeth in such an obscure place.

That being said, there was another person that could've easily added the decorations onto her skin.

Sayo was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice her fingers slide down Saaya's throat, her rough digits scaling across the soft and slightly risen skin before she stopped just above the woman's collarbone and a hand placed itself over hers.

"Sayo-san..".

"Shit" Sayo muttered and jumped out of her bones, mortified at her own actions as she looked at Saaya's curious eyes, "Yamabuki-san, I- I apologise profusely for my clear invasion of your personal space. I..was merely concerned about-".

She tried to pull her hand away but it remained pressed against Saaya's neck and beneath her hand for a few fleeting seconds before the drummer let her go, "It's okay Sayo-san, I mean it was _unexpected_ but harmless" she said with a chuckle, her serious demeanour washing away, "I should be a bit more careful". 

"No not at all. In fact, I was thinking of providing a concealer for you to use if that is okay? Minato-san doesn't really take to this seriously but don't worry. I am sure she has had enough encounters with Maruyama-san about this" Sayo said before standing up and going to her dresser where Lisa had insisted and provided her with various makeup pallets for daily use. 

It was a logical reason which also provided an interference as Sayo berated herself for having the gall to do something like _that_ , to touch a woman that wasn't hers so intimately. 

She could feel Saaya's eyes on her as she rummaged through her things when the woman called out, "I appreciate that but you don't have to, Sayo-san". 

"I insist. Ah, here we are" Sayo said and handed the brunette the item to provide a delitescent cover, "Take your time, I'll be in the practice room when you're ready". 

That was a bold move for the guitarist, even Saaya couldn't deny that as the remnants of the woman's calloused fingers trailed down her neck still. 

The area tingled.

She stared at the item in her hand as her other palm remained on the area where Sayo had touched her. 

Saaya was left in a languished state as she processed _what_ exactly had occurred, or at least she attempted to but to no avail. 

Sayo's out of character actions brought up more questions than it did solutions. 

For the rest of the duration that Saaya was at the band's residence, the atmosphere between her and Sayo was reaching uncharted and daunting territory.

They became ridiculously aware of each other's presence, actions, and aura.

For Sayo, she was wrestling with the demons of her attraction to someone who was attached.

For Saaya, it was trying to comprehend what was running through Sayo's mind.

They were all well into their second hour of rehearsals and the exertion was prevalent on all members as the air in the room became humid and heated, since they were going through the fifth run of 'Determination Symphony'.

They were all in sync with the track as Yukina ploughed into the chorus of the song with effortless might. Her hold on her microphone was firm as she beckoned the invisible crowd into believing they had the will to achieve _anything_ they desired.

Rinko's magnificent piano notes struck the accurate formation, enhancing the more gentle tones of the song by bringing in the demure atmosphere it was setting. The beautiful layers were crafted easily as she allowed her fingers to lead the way.

The bass in Lisa's hands was being tested to its limits as Lisa strummed each string with precision to provide a rumble, a deep texture to the song in an effort to boast its powerful nature, all the while retaining its sombreness and conveying the messages clearly. 

Then there was Sayo on her guitar, guiding the main elements of what the song was trying to emit with the skilful way her pick flew over the various strings, the sheer talent shining through with each note expertly delivered to amplify the structure. 

Saaya's rhythmic drumming tied it all together, allowing the rest of the instruments to follow her tempo as her eyes stared ahead, letting the components of the band control the way her arms came down on the drum set with vigour and passion.

There was no room to think about anything else and for the duo in question, it was a much needed out as they buried the incident in the back of their minds for now.

The music transported them to a location where they were all tied to the strings of wanting to perform, perform in ways where their lives depended on it.

It was riveting, like each member had been bathed by the chords of what they performed and it was a feeling Saaya felt with Poppin'Party, so she was thrilled to experience it again. She glanced around the others as her eyes caught Sayo's when she turned around slightly whilst bringing her solo to life, blending in with the cadence of Saaya's drumming. 

Any awkwardness was flooded away as they smiled at the sensation of playing, something they had in common. For them, music wasn't sequacious, it was something they both cherished be it for different reason.

That was enough to form a frayed knot between them which was slowly but surely becoming tighter as the days went by. 

The rest of the practice session followed suit before they had to call it an end, not wanting to push themselves too much since the lives were looming closer.

They were now seated around the table in the living room to enjoy a meal cooked by Lisa and Saaya, though the others did their best to help but were quickly shooed out of the kitchen by the brunettes. The food had been a hit with everyone, content written across their visage and the sight reminded Saaya of her own moments with her band.

"Thank you for the meal, Lisa, Saaya-san" Yukina thanked them as Sayo and Rinko followed suit with their own gratitude, "It was delicious".

"Agreed, the egg omelette was wonderful" Rinko stated with a warm smile. 

"Ah I'm glad you liked it" Saaya said, "Arisa loves eggs so it's something I've been working on for a while. Her grandma shared her recipe so that definitely helps" she added fondly.

"She loves eggs huh, you'd never think it with the way Arisa is about her interests. Well, unless it's you or Tae" Lisa smiled and poured Sayo some more sake as she was seated next to her, "I wouldn't mind switching to Poppin'Party for a while if I get to enjoy stuff like this".

"Food over music" Sayo smirked, "Really, Imai-san?" and looked at Saaya, "Well, perhaps I can agree this time. It was a splendid meal from both of you".

"Aww you're welcome!" Lisa beamed and elbowed the woman gently, "Sayo's kinda talkative today huh".

"Is she normally not?" Saaya enquired after sipping her own sake, curious as to how Sayo has been as of late.

Yukina actually offered her own opinions on the matter which surprised them all, "Not usually, though I am one to talk, I admit".

"Or not talk in this case".

Rinko giggled under her breath at her lover's pun before the attention turned back onto the blushing guitarist.

"For your information, I believe in savouring the meal in peace in order to appreciate it as opposed to talking through it. And I was simply stating a fact that Yamabuki-san's cooking is delightful".

Saaya grinned at the defensive tone as Lisa continued to tease her friend, the atmosphere light considering the intense rehearsal session they had just had. It was enjoyable, to be involved in these moments with the group and Saaya was thrilled to be a part of it. It was intriguing to see the many sides to the band in ways outside of the public eye.

Of course, it was Sayo's personality differences that struck the brunette the most as she kept her gaze on the guitarist. There were many quirks and eccentricities buried beneath Sayo's reserved exterior and Saaya felt like she was being exposed to something private, something for her eyes _only_.

But that would be nothing beyond platonic, there was no scenario of Sayo projecting anything else into their little moments alone.

At least, that was what Saaya had once presumed but _something_ had changed.

She could sense it more clearly now.

The way Sayo was slowly but surely revealing parts of her that not even the members of Roselia had seen.

There was a certain way in which she did it, predominantly using her body language and eyes to speak of the things hidden within her.

It was subtle, not as daring as the way Sayo had reached for her in her room, but it was subtle up until now. 

Sayo's presence had settled into Saaya's mind and she reacted to it with curiosity. 

It was a dance of trepidation, of reservation, of wonder. 

It was the way in which Sayo unintentionally brushed her fingertips against her own when they were in the kitchen together to clean up. 

It was the way her body appeared to become rigid whenever Saaya approached her.

It was the way those piercing eyes became heightened whenever the drummer looked at her.

It was the way her breath hitched in her throat when she watched Saaya play the drums.

A secret language of attraction had been displayed and Sayo had allowed Saaya to decipher it.

There was no mistaking it, Saaya knew what it was and wasn't sure how to proceed with the conversation, _if_ there was a discussion. 

Sayo had offered to drop Saaya off since it was late. 

The stroll home in the warm evening air was comfortable yet silent as they made small talk about their day and the plans regarding the night.

Sayo could just about keep her gaze off of the woman as they walked side by side in a mutual pace, the alcohol in her system making her feel relaxed, as did the aura of Saaya next to her so she was somewhat content with the atmosphere despite how dangerous it was becoming.

Just over a week or so, that's all she had to put up with before not needing to see Saaya that much.

But that thought hurt her too and she internally chided herself for thinking it, wishing that there could be something more than an abrupt end.

"Thank you for walking me home, Sayo-san".

"No problem at all" Sayo replied as they stood outside of the gates of the Ichigaya residence, "Are you sure you are alright?". 

"I am, I'm not usually this affected by alcohol but apparently it chooses its moments" Saaya chuckled and glanced to the side before looking at Sayo again, "Are _you_..okay?".

Sayo was taken aback by the question before answering it, "I am. My tolerance for alcohol is somewhat above average".

"Yeah, I didn't expect that". 

"I'm not sure if you have met my sister. Years of practice" Sayo joked, chuckling under her breath as Saaya did the same, "She has us all under the table with the drinking".

Saaya smiled brilliantly, "For some reason, _that_ I was kind of expecting".

"I cannot disagree. Well, I will let you be and will see you after tomorrow, Yamabuki-san".

"Of course, thanks again" Saaya replied and before she knew what she was doing, she reached up to give the woman a quick hug.

It was a light and friendly embrace but she knew Sayo had an aversion to her personal space being invaded so she was quick to apologise but Sayo wrapped her arms around her waist, keeping her still.

Apparently the night was still full of surprises. 

Sayo was warm and the drummer felt herself being lulled by her form pressed against her. It felt like she was hugging Tae so it wasn't that unusual, what with the height difference. 

Still, the scenario hammered down on Saaya as her eyes fluttered close. 

Hikawa Sayo was hugging her, on purpose. 

And she was enjoying it, they _both_ were. 

Hikawa Sayo had touched her, on her own initiative. 

And there was a look of desire that just about oozed to the surface. 

The night was indeed revealing more than was intended. 

Sayo eventually let Saaya go as a new blush appeared on her cheeks, prompting her to clear her throat, "Well, I, I'll be off now. Goodnight and take care".

"Goodnight, Sayo-san" Saaya managed as her mind reeled at what had just occurred, "Let me know when you are home please".

"I will" Sayo replied with small smile and turned away.

The brunette watched the woman walk down the street as she pondered on how to process this.

It wasn't like she hadn't noticed a few weeks earlier on as to how Sayo was behaving, how she was revealing herself, be it intentionally or not.

The drummer was nothing if not observational when it came to those around her, those she cared for. 

What was scuppering Saaya's mind was the ambivalent sensation at realising that Sayo had become a part of that group.

Someone she cared for. 


	7. The Loom Of Entanglement

* * *

It was jarring to see herself in a stage outfit that wasn't Poppin’Party’s.

The darker shades were subtle yet powerful, the purple hues contrasting against the black and the silver trimmings of the outfit. Boasting sleekness and elegance, Roselia's stage attires were well fitted and dense which served its purpose in enunciating what the band was about. They were a renowned group, orgulous in every sense of the word and rightfully so and this esteemed image was embedded into all of their ensembles. 

The stylized uniform consisted of a long purple waistcoat, one half short and that was over a burgundy dress shirt with a black tie nestled beneath it all. Accentuated with silver embroidery for the decorations, the array of medals and belts matched the scheme as the band's insignia was found around the belt on her waist. The rose on the lapel of the waistcoat was enhanced by the grey and tinged purple feathers, a touch Saaya particular enjoyed.

Whereas the rest of the band wore skirts with the outfit, she and Sayo donned black shorts so their attires were identical with a few alterations on Saaya's such as additional hair ornaments and ribbons. Her cape was adjusted so that it didn't interfere with the drumming, slightly off shoulder but still prominent. 

This costume resembled the one they used for the first self sponsored show so the air of maturity was prevalent in Poppin'Party's outfits, especially the ones they wore now and it made adjusting to it slightly easier for Saaya.

Still, it was indeed something else looking into the mirror to see her representing Roselia.

Rinko was hovering around her like a silent firefly, adjusting things here and there with expertise as she did and it reminded Saaya of Rimi doing the very same which was endearing.

"Does it feel okay?".

"It's perfect" Saaya replied pleasantly and slid her fingers down the belt and the chain which dropped to her upper thighs, the waistcoat beneath it tucked neatly with various accessories strewn across it, "Thank you, Rinko-san".

"I-it's no problem" Rinko blushed whilst stepping back to take in the full scale of Saaya, "The outfit looks incredible on you" she noted, her tone tentative but showcasing her reserved confidence, "It suits you".

Saaya grinned at that, "Thanks to _you_ , that is. I was worried I wouldn't be able to drum in it properly but that isn't going to be an issue at all" she said whilst tugging at the short sleeves fitted around her toned bicep, "But it's a lot more lightweight than it looks".

"Our earlier outfits were a lot more heavier, harder to move in so we tried to change that without getting rid of the original theme and design for each live" Rinko divulged, "You've seen how Ako-chan performs now so there were quite a few modifications needed over the years to get there".

"Ah that makes sense. Well, you've outdone yourself as usual. Rimi-rin is grateful for the all the advice you have given her too, she's become so skilled at making them".

Rinko batted away the compliment whilst going in to adjust Saaya's simple headpiece, her brunette locks down her shoulders, "I-I'm pleased to hear so, thank you. How do you feel about next weekend, Saaya-san?".

"Honestly, I am still somewhat nervous" Saaya replied truthfully, her eyes taking in her reflection, "I have practiced as much as I can with you all and I will do my absolute best but, I, I guess I still feel like there could have been someone better out there to perform with you" she chuckled wryly.

Taking out one of the safety pins from Saaya's side, Rinko quickly glanced into the blue eyes filled with a layer of concern and she could sympathise with the drummer. There was a lot of pressure to be a part of Roselia, even on a temporary basis so she understood. That being said, Rinko knew Saaya was the suitable choice and stood by it, just as the rest of Roselia had.

She cleared her throat lightly whilst putting a few things on her dressing table before facing Saaya, a pensive look forming but quickly dissipating as determination set in.

Saaya had seen those rare moments from the keyboardist in school, where Rinko's inveterate social anxiety would be put aside to take charge, to lead, which she did surprisingly adequately and this was going to be one of these situations.

"Saaya-san" she started, her voice just above whispering level as her eyes remained on Saaya's, "It's okay to feel nervous. Even today, I still feel the same before every show but I know it'll be okay. That being said.." she continued, "Please believe me when I say that you should trust in your abilities a lot more. You truly were the best choice for us and you've proven that. W-we all had it in mind but Ako-chan was the one to voice it. We were worried that you'd be busy with your own endeavours and performances to have the time to play with us". 

Saaya's aquatic eyes widened, "R-really?". 

"Yes" Rinko smiled, "So you can imagine how relieved we were to hear that you had decided to perform with us. I was really thrilled, as was everyone else" she repeated, "We will be with you _every_ step of the way so just, enjoy yourself" she said, digging beyond her nerves to help alleviate Saaya's perturbation.

Rinko knew she wasn't the best at this, or many forms of social interactions but given Saaya's nature and the way she was, it felt effortless and genuine to be able to  
tell her the truth like this, to talk to her without feeling too apprehensive. She understood self doubt and insecurities all too well, recalling how Ako was the one to help her overcome those issues so Rinko deemed it applicable to help Saaya in whatever way she could. Lisa's influences was certainly being implemented into her own personality and the timid keyboardist was grateful for her.

To Rinko's relief, Saaya laughed softly and looked at her with earnest eyes, the appreciation for the older woman prevalent in her expression.

"I really appreciate that, Rinko-san. I won't let you down" she replied with dedication, "I've had so much fun performing with you all so I truly cannot wait to get on stage and give my best".

Rinko was elated by the renewed vigour in Saaya's tone and was about to continue when a knock interrupted the conversation.

  
She glanced at Saaya to see if it was okay to tell the individual to come in and she nodded as Rinko called for whoever it was. 

It was Sayo.

"Ah, please forgive the intrusion, Shirokane-san" Saaya started before she realised that the woman wasn't alone, "Yamabuki-san.." her voice drawled off when she saw the drummer. 

She hadn't seen Saaya in the new outfit yet and it left her floored.

It was a sight Sayo wasn't quite prepared for.

Saaya appeared splendent.

The guitarist had always associated Roselia's outfits with each member of her band since they'd never had a support member before.

So to witness Saaya stood there, donning their colours and insignia did things to Sayo's mind.

Not particularly innocuous things either. 

Sayo knew that the outfits were integral to the band but she usually left that in Lisa and Rinko's capable hands and they _always_ delivered. She could appreciate how they appeared on each member, the camaraderie she felt when they all performed together, heightening the experience. 

But _this_ feeling wasn't the same.

There was nothing platonic about what she was feeling about Saaya in their attire. Her thoughts fomented to a more desirable path, wondering what it'd be like to touch her, to feel Roselia's brand pressed against her skin as she undid each belt, each button off of Saaya. 

Rinko saw it in the woman's green pulsing eyes, "H-hikawa-san?".

"Ah, my apologies" Sayo quickly cleared her throat and mind, "You look great, Yamabuki-san" she tried to compliment as subtly as possible, "Excellent work as usual" she said to Rinko.

Saaya thanked the woman again as she felt the remnants of Sayo's stare linger over her, "Rinko-san really outdid herself, didn't she?". 

"As expected" Sayo replied and willed for eyes to not stray over Saaya again, "I won't take up anymore of your time, Shirokane-san. I was wondering if you could make some minor adjustments to my shirt when you have the time".

Rinko took the article of clothing from Sayo's outstretched hands, noticing the way her friend's cool reserve fizzled away with each second in Saaya's presence. All it did was comfirm what she and Lisa had been discussing. Not that they needed any more proof of Sayo's building feelings as it was quite evident at this point.

A part of her was thrilled that her friend could experience the wonderful sensation that was feeling an attachment to someone again but at the same time, her lover's tumultuous justification also came to fruition in her mind regarding whom Sayo's was taking an interest in. 

That dull ache in Rinko's chest returned. 

"Of course, leave it with me" she said.

Sayo gathered her bearings, "Thank you" she replied and glanced at Saaya again, "I'll see you both at the studio later on. Please excuse me" she added before leaving the room, but not before sweeping her commending gaze over Saaya. 

Saaya felt the intensity of the action form against her skin and she wasn't quite sure _what_ to make of it.

Something had changed drastically.

Perhaps Sayo wasn't aware of how she was coming across, or maybe she was.

The brunette was unsure but she didn't want to jump to conclusions as that would be uncomfortable for the guitarist and herself.

It wasn't like Saaya hadn't seen such a look before, but the only two people she reciprocated it to were Arisa and Tae. The last person she expected to see such an expression trained on her was from Sayo, reserved and restrained Sayo whom..wasn't like _that_ anymore.

Sayo had become unpredictable. 

Saaya had to only think back to the time in the woman's bedroom to realise that whatever was occurring with the guitarist, was new territory for her too.

She couldn't afford to make any assumptions now so she filed it away, returning her attention to Rinko who was looking at her curiously but quickly looked away, "Shall we continue, Rinko-san?" she smiled.

The designer was relieved that the tense aura was dissipated easily enough as she returned to Saaya's side, her thoughts piecing together what Sayo was thinking, feeling.

Lisa was right, whichever way this went, somebody was going to get hurt. 

Looking at the drummer, Rinko wondered if Saaya had realised that Sayo had fallen for her.

***

Back at the Ichigaya residence, Tae and Arisa were in the midst of making dinner as the gloaming time of day had set it. 

The topic of their discussion had turned to the rehearsal session they had attended for Roselia a few days earlier.

"It has been a while since we've seen them perform live" Arisa noted, "But it's way more weird now considering Saaya is with them".

"She fit in well" Tae said whilst chopping some vegetables up, contemplating how humans could secretly be rabbits too if they wanted, "I couldn't keep my eyes off of her" she added fondly, thinking back to the way Saaya was all smiles whilst giving it her all.

She loved that about their drummer; she was _always_ smiling during her performances.

There was a radiant aura which often simmered around Saaya as she worked her energy into maintaining the pace needed for the band. 

More than once would Tae turn around just to watch the way Saaya performed. 

Since Arisa was always next to Saaya, she usually had a front row seat to the spectacular imagery so she could understand why Tae did that whilst sending their taller lover a knowing smirk. 

"Yeah, I think she couldn't keep them off of us. We might have distracted her a bit".

"You're not mad about that, are you?".

"Like hell I am" Arisa grinned and stirred the pot on the burner whilst adding some seasoning to the meat dish Tae wanted, "Still, she don't miss a beat so none of the others can complain. The lives are going to be intense if the venue size is anything to go by. It should be fine since we've performed at similar locations so Saaya will be okay. I'm sure".

Tae turned her gaze at the blonde, the underlying worry loud enough to her tuned ears, "What are you thinking?".

"Huh? Nothing" Arisa hastily replied, "I'm just saying it's a big deal".

Tae hummed and let the response slide for a second, "It is..but that isn't what is bothering you, is it?".

"Could you quit it with your weird staring into the soul thing?" Arisa chided jokingly and set up the frying pan for the vegetables, "We need to get a start on those too. Saaya will be back soon".

Tae did as she was told but was quick to pull Arisa away from the cooker and sit her down at the kitchen table after doing so.

She adjusted the gas to the minimum on the burners before checking to see that nothing else needed their immediate attention but she knew Arisa had already seen to that.

The blonde was still somewhat tentative about allowing Tae, or Kasumi, near open flames and sharp tools after several disastrous occurrences in the past. As perspicacious as Tae could be, her blithe tendencies sometimes took precedence. 

Satisfied with the precautionary measures, Tae returned her attention onto Arisa. 

Arisa had been extra wary and clingy of Saaya as of late, or rather since that rehearsal.

Tae would be lying if she said she hadn't been the same. 

They noticed _Sayo_. 

They noticed the way her eyes would loiter on Saaya much longer than necessary.

They saw the way she'd always look back to see the drummer and _only_ her play.

They realised how she gravitated towards Saaya the most. 

They noticed everything because they too, did the same when it came to Saaya. 

Tae kneeled down on the kitchen floor and clasped Arisa's hands that were on the blonde's lap, "Arisa".

"You saw it too, right?".

The guitarist nodded, her large eyes looking up at her lover's hooded ones, "I did" she answered softly, "But we don't have to worry about anything".

"I-I never said I was worried" Arisa replied indignantly but the hands squeezing Tae's with pressure told another story, "It was just fucking _weird_ to see her looking at Saaya like that".

"Hmm, well, Saaya _is_ beautiful. Lots of people notice her" Tae stated in an effort to subdue what Arisa was conjuring in her mind, "Maybe that is what Sayo-san was thinking?".

Arisa groaned and shook her head, "O-Tae..you don't believe that do you?".

"It doesn't matter" she said and let go of Arisa's hands to wrap them around the woman's waist, "Nothing is going to happen. Whether Sayo-san is admiring Saaya in a more than friendly way, it won't matter because _Saaya_ wouldn't let it happen. It's just one sided".

It was a fact that didn't need to be stated but Arisa knew she just had to hear it, she knew Tae said it to reassure herself too. 

Reassure them both that the possibility of somebody else swooping in to take Saaya away was an impossibility that would never occur.

Outside attraction was irrelevant because what they had with each other couldn't be changed, altered or discarded.

The bond they shared was forged in ways that ancient scriptures were, indecipherable to the eyes of those outside. 

They were merely three individuals that shared a heart.

The possibility of somebody else breaking through and tangling the ties of their relationship was daunting but not worth dwelling over.

Because it would _never_ happen. 

"Saaya would tell us if she was.. _feeling_ something?" Arisa mumbled into Tae's hair when the woman pressed her face against Arisa's stomach, inhaling gently as the blonde's finges swept into the dark locks, "Hell, we would notice it".

"We would have" Tae agreed and nuzzled against her lover's body, "Which is why I don't want you to think about it too much, Arisa. I know you have been".

"I can't help it" Arisa replied, voice low and eyes watching Tae's when she moved back again, "Out of all the things to happen, who would have guessed it would be Sayo-san catching feelings, or whatever it is".

"Feelings are contagious, don't you know?".

"Yeah, let's hope that's all we catch..I can do without that damn virus currently spreading everywhere thank you very much" she managed to laugh at Tae's observation, "I guess you are right though. We shouldn't think of things that won't happen".

Tae hummed in agreement, her eyes feeling droopy at the warmth the keyboardist exuded. It was enough to temporarily assuage her own thoughts of the amount of time Sayo had had to spend with Saaya. It was more than enough to accumulate such emotions, considering the kind of woman Saaya was.

Falling for her seemed inevitable. 

Still, the fact that it was Sayo had come out of the left field.

It didn't sit well with her but for Arisa's sake, she subdued the more darker sensations she was feeling.

For now, they had to just hope that whatever Sayo was experiencing was fleeting, that nothing on a more parlous scale would occur. 

They were both aware that they had no concerns in terms of Saaya initiating anything, she simply wouldn't do that without talking to them about it.

Which was the prominent factor as to _why_ their relationship was functional in the first place; they talked to each other with the intent to listen and not just answer. So with that in mind, both Arisa and Tae could leave the ominous thoughts of Sayo acting on her attraction behind. 

At least, for now. 

"Hey! Don't fall asleep!" Arisa yelled out and shook her lover gently when she realised that Tae was drifting off, "Seriously, and you call me a rabbit. How in the hell do you fall asleep in a position like that?!".

"Arisa is comfy" Tae replied with a yawn and rubbed her cheeks against the blonde's thighs, "So comfy".

Arisa sighed and tugged at the dark locks, "Yeah yeah. Come on, we have to finish cooking before something burns and Saaya comes home to it".

Reluctantly, Tae released the blonde and stood up whilst taking her hands and pulling her up into an embrace. Arisa allowed herself to be guided by the taller woman, landing against her form and wrapping her arms behind Tae's shoulders. Tae smiled before tilting her head to the side and lowering her face to kiss Arisa, the action delicate and tender.

It was an act of reassurance loaded with love, something Arisa needed to hear despite not voicing it. She too, required physical comfort from the idea of someone else in the picture, someone else vying for Saaya's attention .

"I love you, O-Tae" Arisa mumbled against the woman's lips, refusing to leave her arms despite her earlier words.

Tae felt the small hands clutch at her top, pulling her in closer in an effort to lose herself as Tae yielded to whatever Arisa was needing.

"I love you too".

Ruminating in the possibilities of what could entail given Sayo's augmented attraction to their lover didn't bode thinking of right now. 


	8. The Cimmerian Star's Plight

* * *

  
Sayo's unremitting resolve was crumbling.

Her rationality was issuing several caveats but the emotional side, the side in which she had no control of was making her _want_ to act. 

The lives were a week away and the string of unkempt energy within her body was tightening around her neck, forcing her to make a decision about what she was willing to endure.

The risks continuously played within her mind but at the same time, the respite she would garner from being honest appeared like a lifeline in front of her. If she was to disclose to Saaya what she felt about her, then perhaps that would be the end of it regardless of how the drummer reacted. But on the flip side, if that reaction was detrimental, it would impact the entire band which would lead to the shows being disastrous.

Or not go on at all. 

Not to mention that the idea of having Yukina's disappointing yet reasonable lecture regarding outside influences intervening with the band wasn't what Sayo wanted to subject herself to.

The woman sighed as she tuned her guitar in the studio of their home whilst listening to Saaya lightly playing away on Ako's drums.

She wondered if Saaya had picked up on the invisible barricade between them that had been cultivating since their moment in her room. The sensation of Saaya's skin still felt alive on Sayo's fingers as she strummed her guitar airily, the remnants lingering like a potent toxic. Every second she spent with the drummer was become arduous and she couldn't take it, couldn't focus on her music and that was a line drawn too far for her. 

If anything, Sayo reasoned that she had to do something for the sake of the band, their upcoming performances. 

She just had to do _something_ before her brain clawed chunks out of itself. Her thoughts were becoming caliginous as they festered in the lake of unrequited love, tainting innocent feeling with ugliness. 

It was selfish, she knew this but she wasn't left with many options. 

Her attraction to Saaya had become overbearing, no longer the elephant in the room but the room itself. 

There was a full on stampede now and all she was doing was skirting around the rubble created by the deterioration of concealing her feelings.

Arisa and Tae's presence had also become more notable around the rehearsals.

Sayo could feel their reluctant gaze throughout the session but she did her best to remain focused on what she were doing. If they had caught onto what was blossoming, then that was another hurdle that Sayo would have to deal with, one with more pernicious effects because she had absolutely no intention of scuppering Saaya's relationship with her lovers. Not that she could, she realised just how strong their bond was and it would probably take a lot more than a fleeting crush from some broken guitarist to interfere with their relationship.

The woman felt a headache forming, her temples pulsing against her skull at the myriad of thoughts she was scurrying through. 

"Please excuse me for a moment, Yamabuki-san" she said to the brunette, flashing a subtle smile before quickly walking off to her bedroom without waiting for a response.

It was rude of her, she knew that but looking at Saaya was piling on the anguish she was feeling.

How could the process of moving on from Tsugumi be this painful, be this cruel? 

What aspect of the emotion that was love was meant to be pleasant, Sayo wondered.

All she had endured since succumbing to the feeling was swathes of stress about doubts and desires, her endless efforts in making the one she was with happy.

But it wasn't enough to keep her and Tsugumi going.

And now, she had the rotten luck of falling for a woman who was already attached to two others.

Sayo felt the bitterness rise in her stomach as she went to her room and paced around the area several times. She took in a deep breath, her hands pressed against her dresser as she looked at the mirror.

Even her reflection appeared to be taunting her.

Her light eyes were laced with exhaustion, sleep depravation, all of it hidden away from everyone else.

She shook her head to try and stave away the crumbling blockade of guards she had summoned to keep her protected from the trials of the heart, but it was futile as Saaya crept into her mind. She was being undone from the inside, picked apart by a woman whom was so caring, so welcoming that it made her wonder how she once got by with keeping people at an arms length in the past. 

Never allowing anyone other than Roselia in. 

But then the prospect of never having Saaya in the way she wanted hit her like a tonne of bricks and then she recalled _why_ that was, why letting people in never ended well. 

Saaya was never going to be hers. 

Sayo's knuckles were turning white against the surface as her body became rigid whilst she attempted to refocus herself for the practice session she had with Saaya, the other members of Roselia in the midst of practicing for Friday too.

They were just meant to go through a unfamiliar part which Saaya had concerns with and needed to work on. It only felt natural that Sayo would be the one to do this with her, according to Yukina.

Lisa and Rinko were far more hesitant about leaving her alone with Saaya but they knew it was out of their hands.

" _Just a week, Sayo_ " she pep talked to herself, " _Then you don't have to be as soft as you have been. Just one week before she, she isn't around as much and-_ ".

"Sayo-san.." a tentative voice rang out from her side.

Sayo chided herself for leaving the door open, for allowing Saaya to see her in such a state and the worry was prevalent on her gorgeous features.

"Ah, my apologies" she quickly stated and stood up straight, her careful mask back on but bristling away under the stare of those blue eyes she had been dreaming about, "I, I uh needed a moment to compose myself".

"What is it?" Saaya softly spoke up and stepped into the room and closed the door, "You've been like this for a while now and I, I'm worried about you. As is everyone else".

Sayo sighed in disdain for lowering her defences and letting her weakness become so exposed that everyone had clicked on and the self-deprecation was shown on her face.

"Don't be mad at that" Saaya urged, "You don't always have to put on a brave face, a mask. Letting people in does not have to be so terrifying".

"I'm inclined to disagree with that statement, Yamabuki-san".

The guitarist had said it with too much venom, the sentence delivered with pithy as she noticed Saaya's eyes widened but she couldn't help it. 

Allowing people in was the reason she was in this mess to begin with. 

If she hadn't opened up to Tsugumi, her heart wouldn't have frozen over like it had done so. 

If she hadn't been broken by Tsugumi, maybe, just _maybe_ her attraction to Saaya would have been a tad healthier. 

"I'm sorry".

"Don't be".

Saaya stepped closer to the guitarist, slowly, in an effort to not get her to recoil away. She had to get to the bottom of this as she hated seeing Sayo torture herself in such a way.

She was closer to her and could feel Sayo's reserve, how much she was holding back whatever it was within her.

"Sayo-san.." Saaya softly started, "Talk to me. I understand if I can't be as much of help as Lisa-san or anyone else but I, I'm here for you. I'd like to think that we can be a bit more open with each other so please don't hesitate to lean on me".

"That's..the problem, Yamabuki-san" Sayo quietly admitted as her gaze moved away for a second before returning to Saaya, "Leaning on you would be so dangerous".

"Why?".

"It would be better in the long run for both of us to leave this be, I feel that my words will make the situation worse than it already is".

"That isn't fair" Saaya quickly said when Sayo tried to side step her way out of the room and she put her hands up to stop her, "If _I_ am the reason for why you've been so out of it lately, then let me fix it. Or at least help you" Saaya urged, her heart beating erratically at the implications of Sayo's words.

"I appreciate it, truly. You are kind to a fault, so considerate and it, it is something anyone can get lost in.." Sayo revealed and clenched her fist, "But I can't afford to lose myself again".

Saaya gulped as her eyes darted from Sayo's face to her body, the language prevalent in how hard she was trying to retain herself being emitted loud and clear. Maybe it was unfair of her to keep pushing but she knew that letting Sayo fester in whatever she was enduring was going to harm her in the long run. If she was the reason for whatever Sayo was putting up with, then she had to at least try and help her, even if she couldn't do so in the way Sayo most likey wanted.

But that didn't matter right now.

Just looking at the way the woman's winsome face was contorted in anguish hurt Saaya. 

Nobody should have to feel that way.

"You'll only get lost if you refuse to let me follow you, you know".

"You can't say something like that" Sayo chuckled weakly, her voice a low timbre, "Please don't".

Saaya didn't budge, eyes up and gazing at Sayo's green orbs, "What are you so afraid of, Sayo-san?".

 _"Being damaged. Being left alone. Being led astray_ " she thought to herself and allowed her saturnine side to come through, _"Being the one nobody could love for long"._

"It doesn't matter" Sayo simply offered before she regretted her tenable actions as the final straw within her was close to snapping, "I'm sorry, Yamabuki-san, let's continue with practice".

Sayo took a quick stride around Saaya but a hand reached out and grabbed her wrist.

  
That was all it took.

The feeing of Saaya's fingers curled around her wrist.

The touch spreading and seeping beneath her skin, making her brain release every cocktail of chemical that knew that what she was about to do was make a grievous mistake, but one she could live with. 

She could feel contrite about her actions after because she couldn't take it anymore. 

_"I want her..so bad"_. 

Since it would be the first and last time she would get a chance to be this close to Saaya again, Sayo intended on making the most of it, hoping Saaya would understand. 

Sayo turned on her heels, eyes creased in vigour and avidity.

Before she knew it, she was pressed up against Saaya with her arms entangled around the woman's waist. Saaya's surprise registered in Sayo's mind but she let it pass as she dipped her head down and kissed her.

The kiss was hard against Saaya's closed lips as Sayo wanted to remember what they felt like long after the initial rejection. 

The shape, the softness, the taste.

She kissed her in a way where her mind would never forget this moment regardless of how one sided it was. The scent of the brunette aided the experience, the sweet fragrance making Sayo feel like she was in the bakery. Her lips were glossed over with something vanilla based and Sayo savoured the taste because everything from that moment of said flavour would be a reminder of Saaya. 

Sayo wasn't expecting Saaya to kiss her back so, as much as it hurt, she let it go.

Sayo was overwhelmed, but she figured Saaya was too for a completely different reason. 

" _Forgive me"_. 

The brunette's body was rigid against her as her arms continued to pull them closer together before she felt Saaya's hands press on her shoulders. Her grip was solid as she pushed the woman slightly and that was all the cue Sayo needed to let go, let go of her final act of desperation.

They were breathing heavily as Sayo's form trembled in the drummer's embrace.

She didn't have the gall to look the drummer in the face and nestled her head on Saaya's shoulder in shame instead. The portentous energy lingered in the silence as Sayo's actions simmered around them. 

Saaya said nothing but didn't relinquish her hold on the taller woman, her lips warm from the kiss of a woman that wasn't Tae or Arisa.

Her suspicions were already confirmed long ago but Saaya could _feel_ the demons that Sayo was trying to banish for harbouring such feelings for her. 

She could sense the light tremors reverberating in her form, the shaky breaths and the fragile arms around her waist. 

Sayo was hurting.

The sheer existence of such emotions were harming her, this much Saaya knew and had felt before.

So she waited, waited for the woman leaning in the crook of her shoulder to compose herself so that she could try and decipher whatever was going through her mind.

Saaya's own train of thought had been shifted off of the tracks because of what had occurred. She knew she couldn't reciprocate what Sayo was feeling, she knew she couldn't. But that didn't mean she could not support the guitarist as a friend, _if_ she was willing to accept that.

"Saaya.."

The full usage of her name brought Saaya back as Sayo stepped away and released her hold on her body. She still was not looking at her, eyes glued to the ground as she bowed, her teal hair masking most of her face.

"I, I truly am sorry for my actions" she whispered, "Please forgive me for my brazenly intrusive behaviour and know that I had no intention of hurting you or disrupting your life. Please, forgive me and this transgression, Saaya".

"Sayo-san" Saaya exhaled and got the woman to look up at her, surprised to see the green orbs lightened with a sheen of silver.

Never in her days would she have got to see this many ranges of emotions from Sayo and for _her_ no less. It made the brunette feel terrible about the way things had gone, the way things would go.

Her hands squeezed Sayo's upper arms as she brought her close, the vulnerability oozing from Sayo making Saaya sigh out as she composed her thoughts but the woman spoke up again.

"I understand I have done something unforgivable and rest assured Hanazono-san and Ichigaya-san will also receive my apologies too, but.." she drawled off.

"But what?" Saaya probed gently. 

Sayo was expecting many reactions but this slightly curious yet tender Saaya was taking her aback. 

Was she missing something? 

Did Saaya know something she didn't? 

Wasn't she furious that someone other than Arisa and Tae had kissed her? 

There were too many questions roaming in Sayo's mind and it was baffling her. 

"Why are you so calm about this?" Sayo asked first before delving into her explanation.

"I..notice things" Saaya smiled, "Let's talk, okay?". 

Eyes widened in wonder, all Sayo could do was nod and allow the drummer to lead the way. 

  
The duo got comfy in Sayo's room after preparing some tea, Saaya insisting in making it and the whole situation still felt unnerving for the guitarist. 

She knew Saaya was a calm and reasonable woman, thinking before acting but this neutral behaviour was too bizarre. 

Sayo would have rather she showed her distaste, lash out and be mortified at the fact that she kissed her but none of those reactions were coming to fruition. All she could do was patiently wait for the brunette to obviously collect her thoughts as she watched her from the corner of her eyes whilst they were sat at the table on the floor.

"Can I ask you something, Sayo-san?".

Saaya's tone was steady as she turned her eyes onto the woman sat next to her, waiting for the invitation to begin the inevitable conversation.

"Please do" Sayo answered, "It's the least I can do considering what I.." she trailed off, her eyes darting to Saaya's lips.

"You should know that I'm not angry".

Sayo slipped her thumbs over her mug, allowing the heat of the surface to counteract the rest of what she was experiencing, "It would be a lot more logical if you were. It was.. disrespectful of me".

"That's the thing, I know you weren't acting with malicious intent. I really doubt you were trying to cause any problems" Saaya reassured "I guess that's what I wanted to ask. What was it for you, Sayo-san? I want to know what you are thinking, _feeling_. You aren't the type to act so impulsively so I guess I want to understand you. It isn't like I haven't picked up on how we get along, how you've been opening yourself up and I.." Saaya paused before urging Sayo to look at her, "I know how frightening that would have been. Especially after Tsugumi".

"She isn't the reason why I kissed you, Saaya" Sayo stated firmly before catching herself, "If you are asking whether this thing I feel has come to fruition because of her, then, I can deny that. I can now".

Saaya listened and watched the woman closely, "So it started off like that?".

"You are similar in certain ways" Sayo started and leaned back against her bed, facing her desk, "Friendly, welcoming and just always smiling. It was easier than usual to get acquainted with you again. At least comfortable enough so that we could perform together. I had no intention of letting it transform into something more, something that replicated what I had with Tsugumi and for me, it's something I couldn't allow again and yet it happened. _You_ happened" she said, her voice dropping slightly as she looked at Saaya.

She could see the attentive way the drummer was taking in what she was saying without the judgment and just a healthy amount of curiosity and confusion.

"What exactly happened between you both?" Saaya questioned kindly, "Nobody truly knows what happened, maybe not those outside of Afterglow and Roselia. I..thought you both were doing well. Tsugumi adored you and it was evident to see how much you loved her".

The question was inevitable and Sayo only deemed it fair to answer, primarily because she wanted Saaya to understand since she was so willing to listen.

Bringing her knees up to her chest, Sayo readied herself, "I suppose that _that_ was the problem in hindsight. She adored me but I loved her" she said, "We were doing well, even after university and I thought that she was going to be the one I spent the rest of my life with. I don't know if I was blinded by my own desires of sharing a life together that I could not see her apprehension. I did everything I could to assure her that she never had to doubt my feelings for her but..".

"You spent so much time reassuring her that you didn't realise that Tsugumi wasn't doing the same for you" Saaya pieced it together, her heart aching for Sayo, "I'm so sorry".

A weak smile from the guitarist only enhanced the sadness the drummer was feeling as she continued, "I proposed to her".

That wasn't a detail Saaya was aware of, her eyes widening as she watched Sayo's profile, the pain still palpable given what the answer had obviously been. She wondered what Tsugumi’s frame of mind was, why the woman who had sought Sayo's affection all throughout school had suddenly decided she wasn't the one for her after all. Tsugumi was one of the sweetest and most honest individuals that Saaya was grateful to call a friend and she knew there wasn't an ill-mannered bone in the woman's body, so she truly was curious as to why she'd called it off with Sayo. 

But the brunette was aware of how fickle the human heart was, how there were boundaries and how it could change the way one felt but seeing Sayo and Tsugumi together made her believe that they would be together for years to come.

"I suppose that was when I found out that Tsugumi and I were not on the same path" Sayo spoke up, "And I thought I would resent her, I did for a while before coming to terms with the fact that I can't make her want to share her life with me. If she was apprehensive about me, despite my continuous reassurances and proving to her that I'd always be by her side, then it was something I just had to accept. Accept that Tsugumi's feelings towards me had changed, that she had fallen out of love with me. It was just a fact of life".

Saaya instinctively reached out for Sayo's shoulder and pressed it in sympathy, but she wondered if the physical contact was cruel considering where those feelings had left her. But that quickly went out of her head as she just wanted to help Sayo in whatever way possible even if it wasn't in the way the guitarist wanted.

"I'm sorry you had to endure all of that, Sayo-san" Saaya comforted and inched closer, "I guess I was trying to figure out what Tsugumi might have been feeling but, you are right, we can't help how we feel. I wouldn't have guessed such a thing had happened between you".

"Well, I was reluctant in letting anyone know. Afterglow obviously knew and there was nothing they could do. If it was me breaking Tsugumi's heart, I'm sure Mitake-san and Udagawa-san would have had a few choice words but since it was vice versa, well, they were somewhat lenient".

" _None_ of this is your fault" Saaya reassured, "I'm relieved that they didn't try and take it out on you" she sighed as she thought of the possibility of it happening considering the way Afterglow looked out for Tsugumi, "I can't imagine the pain you must have felt. Must be feeling".

"It..isn't as troubling as it was a year ago" Sayo stated and succumbed under the warmth of the drummer's hand, "But what _is_ my fault is my attraction to you".

Saaya shook her head and got the woman to look at her, "You can't help who you fall for. I just wish I could've given you what you want. For me, Arisa and O-Tae..".

"I understand" Sayo said and sat back to notice the heart wrenching expression on the brunette which shielded her own, "I completely understand that my feelings cannot be reciprocated and I did what I did knowing that to be the case. I envy Ichigaya-san and Hanazono-san" she confirmed and held Saaya's blue eyes, "I understand why they are enamoured with you. I felt it every time we spent time together, that sense of home you provide. It's..reposeful".

"Sayo-san..".

"Sorry, that was not intended to make you uncomfortable, I apologise". 

"No, it's not that" Saaya reassured, "This is a lot to take in but I, I'm glad that you were honest with me".

"I'd rather risk divulging this to you as opposed to never doing so and regretting it" Sayo explained, her fingers twitching to take Saaya's hand in hers, "I might not have had the chance or nerves to have done this after the performances" she added, "That is, I hope you will continue on for us. Please don't let my actions affect the rest of Roselia-".

Saaya hastily interrupted the woman, holding the worried green eyes, "Sayo" she stated firmly, dropping the honorific, "I won't be abandoning Roselia. Or _you_. I can't imagine how much courage this must have taken for you, and I know it isn't something you'd normally do so please don't think I am going to throw that away".

"Well, I would deserve it but Roselia would not".

"Even now, your band and friends are what you are most concerned about" Saaya chuckled and placed her hand over Sayo's which was on the table, "You care about those you love with everything you have and I know it isn't easy for you to open up. Anyone on the receiving end of that would be the luckiest person alive, even if they hadn't realised it at that moment" Saaya continued, giving a subtle nod to Tsugumi, "I'm lucky to have gotten the opportunity to know you like this and it is something I treasure. As remarkable of a musician as you are, you're an even more wondrous woman".

Sayo, somewhat taken aback, could only sigh as her smile painted through her tense features, "You are quite unbelievable, Yamabuki-san".

"So I have been told by Arisa" Saaya grinned before something came to mind, "Saaya is still okay, you don't have to go back to that. But only if you are okay with this, with us. I'd like for us to remain as we are. If..it hurts you, then I can accept that you might not want to be around me because that is the last thing I want to do to you".

Sayo understood what Saaya was asking and her mind flew into a tizzy at the potential options of what happens now.

She had inadvertently confessed to Saaya despite the woman already being in a relationship.

Saaya had been kind enough to remain level headed and supported her, going as far as to provide a shoulder to lean on and ear to listen.

In Sayo's heart, she knew she'd be grateful to have Saaya in her life in some way but was also well aware that she had fallen for the drummer and the two emotions had now caused a war to spark within her.

Remain as friends whilst burying her feelings. 

Or cut things off the moment the lives were over. 

Tentatively, she placed her hand on top of Saaya's that was still on hers, relishing in the touch of the brunette as she let the contact settle her.

The hue from the moon streamed into the room as she gathered her thoughts, taking in the entirety of the situation which had settled considering the potential destruction she could have caused. 

Maybe it wasn't impossible, if Saaya was even giving her the option to begin with.

"If you would be wiling, may we get through the performances first?" Sayo asked, "I want nothing more than to have you around, but I also know I can't expect you to mould yourself around me, knowing how I feel about you. So perhaps, after the lives, things will become a bit more clear".

"Of course, Sayo" Saaya was quick to answer, "As I said, the last thing I want is to cause you more grief so whatever works for you" she answered before hesitating and looking away. 

"Saaya?".

Saaya bit the inside of her cheek as she faced Sayo again, "I will have to tell O-Tae and Arisa about this. I don't keep any secrets from them, certainly nothing like this".

"Ah, I see " Sayo nodded.

"But don't worry. I'll explain everything properly and that they shouldn't be concerned about anything. Nor to give you any issues about it" the brunette added, "Admittedly, nothing of this scale has happened so I, I will have to be honest about it".

"That's fair" Sayo said, "I do apologise for even putting you in this predicament. As I said, I had no ill intents towards Ichigaya-san or Hanazono-san. I know how much they love you and you love them, so the last thing I wanted was to intervene. Perhaps it was a lot more selfish of me to even think of it and kiss you".

"Please don't think of it that way. There was nothing you could have done about it until you told me so that we could reach an understanding. Arisa might be harder to convince but O-Tae..she should be a little easier to explain to. I think we just need to focus on the lives now, and enjoy it whilst doing are best" Saaya smiled.

The guitarist inhaled lightly and registered the conviction in the brunette's eyes, the iris's dotted with understanding and rationality and Sayo couldn't help but to fall a little deeper, no longer attempting how to catch herself.

"That is indeed correct. Thank you, Saaya" she said gently and removed her hands away from Saaya, the tinge of disappointment being buried into the pit of her stomach.

"There is nothing to thank me for" Saaya replied.

"You’ll find that there is" Sayo reassured and smiled at the woman, "This is the lightest I have felt in years".

Even if she couldn't be with the drummer, just knowing that there was somebody that existed in her heart outside of Tsugumi meant that there was hope. 

That there was no need to close herself off from others completely.

Saaya had managed to burrow into Sayo's life unintentionally so it wasn't impossible.

It wasn't impossible to feel again.

The brunette chuckled, a blush on her cheeks at the confirmation from Sayo before she stood up and offered her hand, "Well then, should we continue with practice?". 

Sayo accepted it and was eased to her feet, relief flooding through system her that her relationship with Saaya could retain some of its normalcy, "We should".

Though at the back of her mind, Sayo wondered how the revelation to her lovers would go.

Saaya might have understood Sayo's plight, but Arisa and Tae would think differently. 

Situations like this rarely ended with either party settling things in a concomitant way. 

  
***

Later that night, Sayo remained awake in bed, her eyes piercing through the ceiling like its existence had offended her simply by existing. 

She was disquieted. 

About Saaya. 

She was content. 

About the kiss. 

She was ashamed. 

About wanting more. 

As relieved as she was in regards to her transparency with Saaya, she knew it was a small step but a step nonetheless. 

All she could think about was the abundance of concern on Sayo's expression, the way her words were crafted with nothing but care and her lips, how soft her lips were. 

Sayo brushed the tips of her fingers over her own as her index finger went around the shape. Her eyes closed, simmering in the way Saaya fit perfectly against her for the one, never to occur again moment. 

Even if Saaya was to remain in her life on a personal scale, she'd never get to kiss her, or hold her. 

Or be alone with her. 

Sayo was going to make sure of that but she was sure Tae and Arisa were going to do the same. 

The possibility of remaining as friends was still on thin ice and it depended on how Saaya's conversation with her girlfriends would go. 

Removing her fingers from her mouth, Sayo was itching to grab her phone to call Saaya and find out if everything was okay. 

To hear her voice. 

Just to indulge on the tiny sense of reprieve from that tone which was melodious and comforting. 

But she refrained, not wanting to stress Saaya out any further and give her space. Sayo had to clinch onto the remnants of sensibility she had left and not push her luck. She dropped her hands down and inhaled in a bid to clear her thoughts and use the pass Saaya had given her. 

To focus on the music, the lives. 

Whatever happened after that, the guitarist knew she would have to accept for the sake of everyone. 

Still, her traitorous thoughts drifted to what the Ichigaya residence was like at this time of night and wishing she could impart herself into it, into Saaya's life. 

It was a selfish thought but one she couldn't be rid of. 

Nor could she exculpate herself because she was responsible for allowing herself to get too close to Saaya, to amass such feelings. 

  
Over at said location, Saaya too was finding it impossible to welcome sleep. 

She was lying on her side with Arisa pressed to her chest, her dainty hands clutching at Saaya's t-shirt as Tae was situated a little lower, her arms around Arisa's waist and face against the blonde's lower back. 

Saaya smiled at the duo whilst brushing Arisa's blonde hair gently, reveling in the texture of it. 

It was comforting, assuaging the barrage of thoughts wafting around her mind as the feeling of Sayo's lips against her own took centre stage. 

As surreal as it was, it _did_ happen.

" _Sayo kissed me_ ". 

She put aside the reasoning’s and anguish on the guitarist's part, just focusing on the action. 

The way she was wound around her body. 

The steadiness of her form against her own. 

The lips, surprisingly soft with the distinct taste of mint for some reason. 

The pounding of her heart which bellied the nervous wreck Sayo actually was. 

It was all a sensory overload. 

One that wasn't necessary unpleasant, but it was unethical nonetheless. 

The brunette glanced down and watched the sleeping forms of her girlfriends. 

This was home for her. 

Nothing could change that. 

She whispered those sentiments as she brushed her fingertips over Tae's upper arm, twirling the pad of her index finger over the shapely bicep. Her finger continued the journey to Arisa's exposed hip, her vest riding up due to their taller lover's head against the slope of her back. 

_This_ was home for her. 

No other sensation could replicate or tarnish that. 

As alluring as Sayo was and as fascinated as she was by the woman, Saaya felt deception course through her, though it was no fault of her own. 

Or Sayo's. 

Saaya knew she'd have to have that talk with Tae and Arisa soon. 

She could only hope that the consequences of unrequited love didn't prove to be as detrimental as the images she was playing over in her mind. 


	9. Disentangle

* * *

  
The main living area at the Ichigaya residence during the evening painted a picture of serenity and comfort, which was a contrast to how things really were at that given time.

Outside of the hustle of their lives regarding work, the ease in which Saaya, Arisa & Tae were lounging around would make one assume that they had the most straightforward of schedules, that they had no upcoming engagements. 

Saaya savoured the imperturbable moment and she somewhat felt torn at having to shatter the peace she and her lovers were embroiled in. She wanted to keep the parlous conversation away, to keep their precious cocoon of comfort in a state of eternity. 

But it had to be done, she had to notify them of what had occurred with Sayo the previous night.

They had to know. 

Tae was seated next to her, the woman's back against Saaya's side as she was strumming away on her guitar, a lugubrious and gentle melody that made the brunette smile. It sounded like a darker rendition of 'Teardrops'. She leaned sideways slightly and placed a kiss against the top of Tae's head and remained there for a few minutes as her eyes looked over to the couch on the other side where Arisa was seated.

She was curled up with a few music sheets in her hands, her hazel eyes scanning through them in scrutiny. It reminded Saaya of the time Arisa had taken the reigns to get the group to Budokan, that spark in her eyes when she was effectuating a plan of action. As was in the blonde's nature, sometimes she needed her personal space so she'd refrained for resting with Saaya and Tae the way they were now and the duo understood it perfectly, allowing her to just be.

It made Saaya even more regretful for having to disturb them as she audibly sighed and Tae shifted in her seat to snuggle against Saaya further, "Saaya?".

"Sorry" the drummer quickly said as she placed the stage layout down for Roselia's performance that weekend, "Arisa, can you come here please?".

The gravity in their lover’s tone worried the duo as Arisa muttered something and walked over to the two whilst Tae sat up and faced Saaya. It was disconcerting, the way Saaya's face was sombre, contemplative and neither of the woman liked that look on her countenance and wanted to alleviate whatever was making Saaya behave like that.

"What's wrong?".

Arisa sat down on the coffee table as her eyes switched from Saaya to Tae, wondering if the guitarist knew what was happening but a spacy frown from her told the blonde that Tae was none the wiser to what this could be about.

Saaya in turn took a quick breathe in, thinking of the way to tell her lovers what had happened and she deduced it was better to frank and honest, just like Arisa and Tae were.

Still, that didn't make the situation any less daunting.

It wasn't the fear of them not trusting her, she knew that that was a given.

It was the fact that it even happened to begin with which was what Saaya knew would irk the duo, so she simply just had to tell them how it was and explain before Sayo found herself with a hit on her head.

Nobody wanted to hear that somebody else had made a move on their lover. 

"Last night, when I was at Roselia's place for practice" Saaya started, "Sayo-san..kissed me".

The second of silence which followed was excruciating, so quiet that the clock on the wall appeared to have stopped at hearing such a revelation.

Saaya's eyes switched from Arisa's to Tae’s as the sentence was still being received by both.

The idea of such a thing occurring felt insidious, a complete anathema to the two. 

Sayo had _kissed_ Saaya. 

Tae's eyes were furrowed in a way Saaya rarely saw, the lime coloured orbs radiating with silent mortification. 

As for the keyboardist, there was nothing stifled about her combustion. 

Arisa was the fastest to recover, purely running off of sheer rage as she abruptly stood up, "That son of a.." she trailed off but Saaya quickly grabbed her wrist when she stood up after her.

"Arisa! Wait!".

The blonde was tangled in Saaya's embrace as the woman wrapped her arms over her body to keep her from leaving the house to most likely find Sayo. Saaya was well aware that Tae had said nothing and it basically formed a coin of how her two girlfriends were different despite being similar. Keeping Arisa bound against her chest took up most of Saaya's energy as she had more or less moved away from the vicinity of the room to head towards the exit. 

Both reactions were concerning but Saaya had to restrain Arisa first before figuring out what was going on in Tae's mind. 

"Let me go, Saaya! I swear I'm going to fucking kill her..".

"You have to let me finish" Saaya pleaded and squeezed her tighter from behind, her breath near the blonde's ear as she refused to let her go, "It's..not as simple as that, I promise. Please, babe, just stop".

Arisa's thrashing mellowed only a fragment but Saaya was still struggling to keep her against her. Arisa may have been delicate but when something pissed her off, there seemed to be an untapped well of physical strength that was set free and it wasn't often Tae and Saaya had to see her like so.

The guitarist had snapped out of her daze and stood up to help restrain Arisa as she pressed her hands down onto Arisa's shoulders whilst her eyes glanced at Saaya, pleading and hoping that it wasn't what they thought it was. Tae knew Arisa was grappling with the potential prospect of losing Saaya after Sayo's obvious interest so that fact that she actually made said move on her was simply the icing on the cake.

"Arisa, listen to Saaya" Tae tried to assuage her and cupped her face, "We have to listen, okay?". 

"Why the hell are you not angry, O-Tae?!" Arisa yelled whilst slumping back against the brunette, "Didn't you hear her? Hikawa fucking kissed her! She..she's gonna..".

"She isn't going to take me away from you, Arisa".

Saaya knew where that portent train of thought was going, tears prickling at the corner of her eyes at the assumption Arisa was getting at, not that she could blame her. As for why Tae wasn't angry, Arisa knew that wasn't the case. She was controlling it better and Saaya was grateful for that but it didn't lessen the dull ache in her heart at the affliction both women were feeling. 

She had to make them understand, make them remember that she was theirs. 

"It is _nothing_ like that, there is absolutely nothing on this earth that would take me away from you two. I love you so much.." she added and looked at Tae with her heart on her sleeves and Tae nodded, her breath coming out languid as she helped Saaya place Arisa back onto the sofa, "Both of you have to believe that".

Arisa allowed herself to be guided back but just barely. Her body was still rigid as Tae kept her arms around her waist, along with Saaya's that were resting on the blonde's knee and Tae's too.

Feeling her own knees weaken, Saaya crumbled and sat down at the edge of the coffee table so that she was still in close proximity to her lovers as they all caught their breaths, the revelation sinking in. She could feel their eyes on her, begging her for answers and more importantly, a reassurance. It was unspoken that Saaya couldn't have been the one to initiate the kiss, that was Sayo. They knew their drummer well enough to be aware of it so that was one thing Saaya didn't have to be concerned of. 

Not that she wouldn't have reassured them anyway, knowing how painful it must have been for them to have heard that. 

"I'm sorry, I-".

"Don't apologise unless it was something _you_ initiated, Saaya" Arisa warned and gripped the woman's hand on her knee "If it was something you did, if you went for her, then apologise. But if you didn't, and I know you didn't start this shit with her, don't apologise cause you've got nothing to be sorry for".

"I didn't begin anything with Sayo-san, but it doesn't mean I am not sorry for the fact that it happened" Saaya sighed, "I guess I should have known but that would have been egoistical of me to assume she was feeling that way".

"Saaya" Tae spoke up and took the woman's other hand in hers, "We saw it too".

"What do you mean?".

"The way Sayo-san seemed to be more closer to you than the rest" Tae elaborated, her voice becoming contemplative with a scowl, "Sayo-san doesn't reveal herself to anyone but you and whenever we saw her with you, she seemed..different. Open. I know it isn't easy to be like that with everyone but with the way you are, this happening isn't a surprise in a way. You make people feel comfortable. Don't get me wrong" Tae added, "It was wrong, she had no reason to even tell you let alone kiss you knowing that you are ours".

"Like she gave that a fucking thought" Arisa said and stared at Saaya, images of the guitarist daring to even get as close to her as she did, "Give me one reason as to why I shouldn't go there now and rip her throat out. You're too nice to do anything but _I_ am not. I can't control myself right now, Saaya".

"Arisa, listen to me" Saaya said the woman's name and pleaded for her to take a deep breath, "Sayo-san is aware of what she did and was quick to apologise to me. She knew she had crossed ever line the moment she felt me push her away".

Arisa was becoming exasperated, "Saaya, _why_ are you defending her?".

Tae wanted to know that too.

The gears were whirring in the back of her mind at the way Saaya didn't appear as incensed by what Sayo had to but Tae knew the drummer well enough to at least give her the benefit of the doubt. 

She just prayed to whatever entity was out there that Sayo hadn't captured Saaya's heart 

Saaya scooted closer till her knees were brushed up against both of her lovers and took each of their hand's in hers to keep the physical contact between them present, using Tae's own little technique to ensure they knew what she was feeling, what she was saying.

"Sayo-san was hurting" she explained, "Her attraction to me started as one thing but quickly shifted to another".

Tae peered at the brunette, "How so?".

"I was a..substitute I guess, she was clinging onto the past".

"Let me guess, for Tsugumi?" Arisa scoffed out, a bitter laugh escaping her lips, "She thought she could use you to fill the space with whatever went down with her, right?".

"She wasn't using me, sweetheart" Saaya stressed, "There was a certain comfort in the similarities she found between me and Tsugumi, that was all, that was all it was meant to be" she continued, "It doesn't make things better, I know it doesn't and I was taken aback when she kissed me but once she explained, I understood in a way".

Saaya exhaled again and looked at her lovers with every sense of her heart, pouring it out there that _nothing_ could come between the three of them as she explained what happened. 

When thinking back to the night before, Saaya pondered if Sayo's own stomach had been in as much of a mess as hers was now, the kiss aside. Telling the story of Sayo and Tsugumi's broken dream made Saaya feel weary, as if she inhaling the painful dust of their relationship again. 

But it had to be mentioned in a bid for Arisa and Tae to understand. 

The thought of the woman made Saaya wonder how Sayo was doing, whether she had accepted the fact that nothing would come to fruition between them. Unsure of whether to reveal what Tsugumi had done explicitly, Saaya treaded carefully around that detail until it became clear that it was absolutely necessary she would have to divulge the detail to Tae and Arisa.

There was no other way to appease the turmoil they were enduring, knowing that the another woman had attempted to commence something with her.

Sayo's reasoning for what had happened was based off of the remnants of Tsugumi's end to their relationship. 

That kind of pain was enough to spur even the most sensible of humans to act erratically which was the case for Sayo before it had developed into something more genuine for Saaya.

It was easy to fall back into old habits and keep yourself from the outside world when that level of pain was inflicted on you.

Saaya understood it so clearly and she knew Arisa did too after experiencing the kinds of loss they had.

Throughout the explanation, Saaya found herself on her knees with her head slightly bowed against her lovers laps as they reassured her with their touches that they were listening, that they were doing their best to understand. Her body trembled slightly, the fear of losing Arisa and Tae feeling far too tangible and she despised it. 

She looked up at the two and noticed the way they were watching her, softness with a trickle of animosity still directed at Sayo which was to be expected.

"I couldn't imagine what it was like for her, to have the one person she loved, the one she opened up for turn her away with barley an explanation. I know Tsugumi is far from the evilest person to exist but doing that was unfair to Sayo-san. To have no reason, no closure, it must have been hell inside her head".

"I guess so" Tae replied and stroked her thumb against the side of Saaya's neck, "And you being the way you are, it was kind of easy to get attached".

"Like I said, you are too nice for your own good" Arisa mumbled and tugged at Saaya's top where her hand was resting on her shoulder, "She's human at the end of the day..".

"She is" Saaya nodded and closed her eyes, "I explained that nothing would happen between us. There was no question about that. I wouldn't even dream of thinking of someone else, not when my head is pretty much filled with the both of you".

"It'd better be" the blonde said, an inkling of honesty despite trying to say it in a playful way.

She was far from satisfied with the reasoning, this much they all knew and it would take time for Arisa to calm down from hearing it. Tae was relatively appeased by it but nowhere near to fully accepting it but that too, was a given.

At the end of the day, Sayo had toyed with the forbidden fruit and such an action wouldn't go unscathed. 

"I love you both" Saaya whispered as her head slumped back down on their laps, "No matter what happens, nothing will change that. I know you're angry and hurt by this, but-".

"Not at you, Saaya" Tae quickly added and moved forward to lift the drummer up by encircling her arms around her waist, "Not at you. You told us what happened and I know Arisa and I weren't even thinking that you could be the one to go for Sayo-san, so it isn't you. You're pretty much perfect".

Saaya felt herself being lifted and placed onto Tae's lap with her legs swung over Arisa's, the blonde moving in and pressing her palm against her thigh, "Exactly. I still want to tear Hikawa into 30 different pieces but..that has nothing to do with you".

Knowing that that threat could probably happen, Saaya managed a shaky laugh as she wrapped her arm around Tae's shoulder and the other behind Arisa's neck since she was hovering above her now. She felt her heart palpitate at the declaration her lovers were making regarding their relationship, grateful that they trusted her because she knew this conversation could have gone a different way if they hadn't known how Saaya was.

"Saaya, we're okay" Tae reassured, endless eyes making sure Saaya could read them, "We love you". 

Arisa mirrored the sentiments as she ran the back of her fingers over the drummer's cheeks, "We'll figure the rest out after. I'm..just glad you're alright".

"O-Tae.." Saaya exhaled, burying her hand within the dark locks, "Arisa" and did the same with the golden strands. 

She knew the fallout was far from over and with the lives the weekend coming, the brunette hoped that whatever was going to happen wouldn't disrupt it. She and Sayo had reached an understanding enough to ensure that it wouldn't distract them from their work but Saaya knew it wouldn't be so simple with Arisa and Tae.

It was only now she could feel Arisa unwind, letting go of the ball of clenched energy while her hands made quick work of unbuttoning Saaya's skirt as she felt Tae's hand do the same with her shirt, peppering her lips over Saaya's shoulder as she did so. The brunette felt her mind shut down at the numerous sensations being delivered as she yielded to whatever her lovers were wanting to do.

For now, Saaya just intended to spend the time with the two she treasured the most as she pondered the repercussions of the what ifs but didn't let it halt what was happening now.

The worst outcome was avoided so she had to take that into account, the fact that she had the devotion of the two women surrounding her.

It was sweltering, the droplets of her pleasure building as she felt herself slump against Tae's shoulder, wincing at what Arisa had started when she straddled the drummer's thighs. Each inhale was caught by the piquant kisses Tae was taking from her mouth, the action possessive, her lips striking against Saaya's as she gasped out and gripped Arisa's waist when she felt the intromission of the woman's fingers.

Arisa was panting as she steadied her body over Saaya's whilst continuing her deliverance of how much loved Saaya, how she'd do _anything_ to ensure that the drummer was always with them and knew how they felt about her. 

She felt it in the way Tae's hand wrapped around her waist and stomach, touching her till she was feeling numbed by the sensation and the many kisses. 

She felt it in the way Arisa was now buried against her neck, breathing hard as she continued to pleasure Saaya without missing a step.

It was overwhelming in the most stimulating of ways and Saaya had dropped back against the armrest of the couch which allowed Tae to include herself in attachment after reconnecting her mouth against Saaya's. Tae's hand then joined Arisa's, the sudden feeing of both of her lovers touching her making Saaya arch her back and call out their names.

The stress of keeping quiet, even for the brief moment she had in terms of what happened with Sayo, had come pouring out with her reprieve. 

They knew Saaya was prone to feeling things she shouldn't feel responsible for, things out of her control so both Arisa and Tae wanted to reassure her that it wasn't worth doing.

Sayo's actions were her own to take responsibility for. 

Saaya was just a woman that anyone could take such a liking too, especially if they were in the state of mind as Sayo was.

But Roselia's guitarist was the furthest thing away from Arisa and Tae's thoughts now as they felt Saaya squirm beneath them as they showered her with the affection and reassurances she needed.

Tae's lips were relentless as she let her woman breath, pulling her head back and watching Saaya's eyes darken when her thumb brushed against the most sensitive of surfaces between her legs. Having Arisa on top of her helped to keep her grounded to avoid any accidents as the blonde remained pressed on Saaya's neck, her teeth and lips working overtime in setting Saaya free from whatever doubt she had left. Her hand in turn matched Tae's pace from within the brunette, helping to push through an overwhelming level of pleasure into Saaya's system.

Neither stopped the movements of their wrists till they felt Saaya body crumble and go limp as her breathing became ragged, steam covering every surface of the living room.

Her arms went limp around Arisa's back and Tae's shoulder, the rest of her form shivering since both of her lovers were still nestled where they were, slowly bringing her down from the ascent she had just reached.

The cacophony of thoughts that didn't involve Arisa and Tae had dissipated with each loving movement of their hands and lips peppering her with gentle kisses, a contrast to what they were doing before and Saaya's soaked it in, soaked in the sensation of knowing that nothing could intervene with their affection for each other.

They'd endured too much to let an external source tarnish what they had formed.

Whatever the aftermath of the reaction would carry, the remnant of Sayo's understandable rejection remained to be seen as Arisa lifted her head and stared hard at Saaya, taking in the spent features.

There was a ferocity in her gaze that Saaya missed since her eyes was closed but Tae saw it, _felt_ it. 

The times she saw that look appear on the keyboardist's expression tended be the precursor to something ruinous. 

Arisa wasn't one to let things go that easily, her impervious nature rearing when she was provoked. 

More so if there was a threat to her relationship with Saaya and Tae.

Sayo would find that out. 


	10. Miscommunication (Part 1)

* * *

The following afternoon, Arisa was in the process of getting ready to run an errand as Saaya was working in the bakery, her mind not really focused on buttoning up as she mulled over the task she had to do. Her gaze into the mirror was non-committal as she ran her fingers through her hair, dragging it down till her fingertips toyed with the edges.

She was content with the reassurances from Saaya, she trusted her no matter what but it didn't quell the bitter undertones of what she was feeling for Sayo and she imagined Tae would be in the same predicament, but less vocal as she dismantled her thoughts silently whilst assessing the situation. She was supposed to be returning from work soon so Arisa wanted to be out of there before she encountered her.

Arisa didn't want to cause Tae to become disquieted so it was better to leave without alerting her presence.

The recollection of their confrontation ran through the woman's mind after Saaya had succumbed to exhaustion, surrendering to sleep with her lovers cocooned around her protectively, _possessively_.

They wondered whether Sayo had truly been subdued by Saaya's rejections, debating whether Sayo had a hidden oleaginous side that would cause her to act again. 

But whispered exchanges of ensuring that Sayo was content in letting things be were repeated by the drummer, reiterating that _nobody_ else could give her what Arisa and Tae did. 

When it came down to it, the duo were simply relieved, knowing that their drummer had been honest with them. 

The conversation coursed on, all the while they showered Saaya with light touches and firm embraces till she slept, anything to nullify the dreams that she would likely be having, knowing that the guilt would still be prevalent.

Between the stress of the lives and the proposition by Sayo, they couldn't imagine how difficult things would have been for her.

But the blonde had every intention of making the culprit take responsibility of it. 

Arisa exhaled as she adjusted her jacket again and grabbed her keys whilst heading out to the hallway.

She was determined to put this nightmare to rest so that Saaya wouldn't have to balance her thoughts on the tightrope that had formed. The lives were in three days and the blonde had deemed it enough of a reason to make sure Saaya was at her best and healthiest, without _any_ other distractions. 

Content with her plan, Arisa was about to drop Tae a message that she was heading out for a bit when she heard the jingles of keys at the door and Tae walk in.

So much for her plan of making sure Tae wasn't aware of what she was about to do. But Arisa could still cover it, at least she hoped so. 

"Hey, welcome home" she greeted as the guitarist walked in and removed her shoes while dropping her bag onto the floor next to it, flashing her lover a warm smile, "I was just about to message you. Saaya won't be back till a little later. The bakery is weirdly busy today".

"It's the Yamabuki bakery, when is it not busy" Tae chuckled and strolled over to the blonde, taking her in her arms, "I'm home".

"Both points are true" Arisa smirked and wrapped her hands behind Tae's neck, "You are cold".

"Warm me up" Tae asked almost innocuously, batting her long lashes as she knew how weak it made the keyboardist.

Arisa in turn just shook her head in feigned annoyance before standing on her tiptoes and kissing the woman, a lengthy and deep kiss that melted both as their bodies collided against each other's.

It was as if Arisa was conveying everything into the kiss in a way that Tae understood why that was.

Arisa's insecurities of being left alone, abandoned by the people she loved hadn't dissipated but they had lessened in terms of intensity.

All it did was make Tae and Saaya reiterate in every way possible that they were hers, that they would _never_ leave her.

After the revelation about Sayo, the possibility of losing Saaya to her had wedged itself into Arisa's mind and they knew it would take an abundance of time for the blonde to get over the shock of it. 

So Tae held the smaller woman tight, ensuring her form was coiled around Arisa as firmly as possible whilst her lips stilled over her lover's, gently moving them occasionally till Arisa whimpered against her mouth.

The sound delighted Tae, as did the feeling of Arisa relaxing under her touch before she pulled away to see the hazy gaze in the hazel eyes.

"I'm definitely warm now" Tae grinned and placed a kiss on Arisa's forehead.

"Yeah yeah" Arisa grumbled before running her fingers over Tae's cool cheek, watching her closely and almost matching the intense state Tae often rendered her speechless with.

It was a cause for concern for Tae when she noted the almost troubled expression just about rear to the surface before being washed away by Arisa's smile.

"I have to see to an errand so I'll be home soon, okay?".

Tae hummed, "Where do you need to go? I can come with you?". 

"No, it's okay. You just got back from work. I won't be long and Saaya will be home soon too so wait for us".

"Arisa.." Tae pouted, eyeing up the blonde like she was trying unzip her soul and crawl in, successfully.

The keyboardist had to look away for a second before leaning up and kissing Tae again, "Don't worry. I promise it is nothing to worry about".

"You sure I shouldn't come with you?".

"I'm sure" Arisa replied and stepped back as Tae took her hands, "I'll see you soon, O-Tae".

Tae nodded and released the blonde, her thoughts still stirring in her head as to _where_ Arisa could possibly need to go. The woman avoided all social interaction unless it was absolutely necessary like working at the shop or meeting people at lives. Other than that, Arisa kept herself to her lovers and friends, and even that circle was fairly wide now. 

So Tae was curious as to what had propelled Arisa to want to go, though at the back of her mind, she had fairly good idea as to where she was heading .

"Okay, be careful and don't follow strangers with bonsai trees and keep your phone on you".

"You don't say" Arisa replied and was sure the woman was joking but one could never tell with Tae so she laughed warmly before bidding the woman a farewell greeting again, "I love you".

Tae repeated the sentiment as she watched the blonde leave their home, her brows knit in a pensive furrow. 

She had a sinking feeling about this and texted Rinko to see where she was and if Roselia were practicing today. 

For Arisa, the evening air hit her the moment she left as the day came to a close and the warmth was seeping out.

It was another reason to hurry to her destination as she wanted to be done with this, done with anyone making a threat to her relationship with Saaya and Tae. 

She wasn't going to hand either of them over to anyone.

Not if she could help it. 

***

At CiRCLE, the members of Roselia were finishing up their practice session. 

"Good work" Yukina commented as she turned to face Sayo, Lisa & Rinko, "We can still utilise the next few days with practice but ensure that you do not over do it before the lives".

"Got it" Lisa smiled as she placed the bass back onto its stand before sitting down, "Ah that was amazing though, if Saaya was here, I could totally imagine it all coming together".

Rinko nodded in agreement as Sayo spoke up, the mention of the brunette's name making her shift her eyes while responding, "Indeed. Tomorrow's session should be a chance to see it all come to fruition".

"I think she is doing a wonderful job as Ako's cover" the keyboardist added, "It has been easy to play along with her without noticing too much of a difference".

"Other than Saaya not dishing out some edgy and cool phrase about something you mean? Ako does a better job of it now than she did back in school. Saaya should totally try it!" Lisa chuckled and winked at Rinko who smiled, "I bet she would definitely give it a go if we asked. Don't you think?".

"Imai-san, let's not embroil Yamabuki-san into such matters" Sayo attempted to chide her after drinking some water.

"Aw c’mon, I was kidding!" Lisa grinned before striking an Ako like pose, "I bet it would go something like, 'Follow me to the darkest sides of the world of baking, filled with dangerous sweetness that will make you bow down to I, the princess of the breaded side'"

Sayo shook her head at the woman's display as Lisa was now in a full blown chortle, with Rinko giggling beneath her breath and saying how Ako would absolutely approve of Lisa's imitation. The idea of Saaya saying something as ridiculous as that made Sayo sigh and roll her eyes, though she couldn't deny that it was amusing and nor could Yukina. 

Besides, she couldn't comment on doing ridiculous things after the stunt she had pulled with the brunette a few nights ago.

Sayo's lips still tingled at the sensation of Saaya's and though there was a hint of bitterness to it, knowing that it was one sided, Sayo would still savour it. She was thankful that Saaya hadn't reacted much more negatively, in a way that would affect that band so she wasn't about to push her luck when Saaya said she was needed at the bakery rather than at practice.

Even if Saaya was considerate and sympathetic, it didn't mean it would lessen the intensity and awkwardness of the air between them and Sayo hoped that it would clear before the performance on Friday.

She had fucked up, that much she knew so she just had to wait for the steam to blow over enough where they could work together. 

The guitarist stifled a sigh as she pushed the thought of Saaya out of her mind but she knew it was futile.

She couldn't _stop_ thinking about her.

Yukina merely watched the rest of her friends as she noticed how rigid Sayo's form was, more than usual. After any time with her guitar, Sayo tended to be at her most appeased so it was strange to see her friend so wound up, on edge. Her eyes took in the stoic woman's countenance, noticing the way she was trying to isolate herself by breaking away from the conversation whilst taking in a breath.

It was a strange shift in behaviour considering how Sayo had been since Saaya had joined the band so Yukina pondered what could have occurred to make Sayo shift back into her usual reserved self again.

Her answers would be provided soon enough as a knock to the studio alerted them of someone's arrival.

Yukina stated for the person to enter, "Come in".

The door opened to reveal someone that none of the band would have been expecting.

Well, other than Sayo. 

It was Arisa.

There was a look in her hazel eyes that spelled aggravation.

"Excuse the intrusion" she said with the slightest bit of mannerisms she could muster despite the situation. 

But then she laid eyes on Sayo and all of Arisa's sense of decorum and reservation went to hell as she barged in and went for the guitarist.

Before the other members of Roselia could realise what was happening, Arisa had the taller woman by the scruff of her top, pulling down with a strength they didn't know the blonde was capable of.

"Keep your hands on your fucking guitar, not our girlfriend!".

"Arisa!" Lisa managed to shout before racing to the two and tried to pull Arisa away from Sayo, "Just wait a minute!".

"No fucking way, you crossed the line, Hikawa" the small blonde spat out, her hold on Sayo's throat increasing much to the chagrin of the others, "How fucking dare you..to think of touching her!". 

Sayo just remained motionless, relatively idle, her hands gripping the blonde's wrists without easing the hold because she knew, she _knew_ Arisa's anger was warranted.

She deserved it which is why she didn't attempt to fight back. 

The fury was radiating from Arisa and Sayo could see just how much Arisa loved Saaya, this aggression a display of what she felt for both of the brunettes and their relationship. It was only natural for this reaction to occur, even if Saaya had ensured Arisa wouldn't lash out.

But Sayo was well aware that it would happen, it had to happen.

Yukina and Rinko quickly followed suit to help Lisa, "Arisa, this isn't going to resolve anything" Yukina tried to reason as she reached out for the woman but not before the door to the studio opened again.

"Arisa!". 

Tae.

The guitarist was quick to rush towards the struggling group and grabbed Arisa by the waist whilst placing her arms over her hands to get her to release her hold on Sayo. Once she had a firm enough grip, Tae used her strength to pull Arisa back and kept her arms around her.

"Arisa, you have to stop, listen to me" Tae soothed, "Baby, this isn't going to fix anything" she urged and twisted them till she was sure that Arisa couldn't see Sayo. 

"No but it _will_ make me feel better for what she did" Arisa squirmed against the woman, exhausting all her energy till she couldn't fight out of Tae's embrace, "Let me go, O-Tae. She deserves this".

As much as Tae was tempted in letting Arisa go to wreak havoc on Sayo's face, she was still their senior whether they were in school or not. Her lover's assertions were justified, she knew that but they had to remain somewhat level headed in dealing with this, for Saaya's sake. 

Sayo was catching her breath as Lisa and Rinko remained by her side, eyes widened in shock at what had just occurred.

Never would they have expected Arisa to depict such emotions but there she was, eyes trained dangerously on their friend when she turned around and it was all that was needed for Lisa to put the pieces together. There was a timorous edge to Arisa's outburst and in Tae's eyes which spoke volumes for the brunette. 

"Oh, Sayo" Lisa managed sympathetically as she squeezed the guitarist's shoulder, olive eyes taking in Sayo's defeated expression.

"Lisa?" Yukina said whilst carefully standing between them, "Do you know what on earth is going on here?". 

"Ah well. It-".

She was interrupted by Arisa, "You couldn't help yourself, could you? Is it normal for you to go around kissing someone that is in a relationship!?".

Tae's eyes also zeroed in on Sayo's as she pressed the blonde against her to assuage the rage she was feeling for the guitarist, hurling the opprobrium without a second thought. 

Just because she was being restrained didn't mean that a big chunk of Tae wasn't rife with disaste at knowing that Sayo had indeed kissed the woman they loved. She just had to keep it together for Arisa's sake. 

The revelation evoked several gasps from the other members as Yukina's eyes flew back to Sayo, "Is this true, Sayo?".

Sayo looked away in shame as she adjusted her clothing and retracted herself from Lisa and Rinko's supportive touch, "It is. Ichigaya-san, Hanazono-san. I assure you that it was not my intention to do so".

"What, you tripped on your lead and fell onto Saaya's mouth?" Arisa scoffed and had calmed down enough to a point where Tae had a firm grip around her hips. 

"Arisa" Lisa said gently and stepped between the two, trying to dismantle the tension though from the looks of the keyboardist, she knew it would be inefficacious, not until the blonde properly injured Sayo in some way, "Let's just take a moment to calm down, okay? I know you both have every right to be angry about this but Sayo-"

"Don't defend her, Lisa-san" Arisa snapped, "You can't possibly defend what she did".

"She doesn't have to" Sayo spoke up, feeling the eyes of her bandmates on her as Rinko tentatively pressed a hand to her shoulder which she nodded in appreciation, "There are no excuses or any reason for a defence. Which is why I, I must apologise. As I did to Yamabuki-san".

Arisa grumbled under her breath as she watched the guitarist bend at the waist, form rigid with an of air of defeat surrounding her.

She couldn't deny that it was perplexing to see Sayo like that. The fact that she hadn't attempted to defend herself from the attack also spoke volumes.

"Ichigaya-san, Hanazono-san.." she started, "I truly apologise for my indiscretion. You must know that I bare no ill will and my action's were..impulsive and reckless. I meant no harm to Yamabuki-san or your relationship. Believe me, it is _last_ thing I wanted to do. She did not deserve to placed in such a predicament, nor did you both and I can understand if my apology isn't enough".

"Sayo.." Yukina sighed, a sympathetic one as the honesty in Sayo's words lingered in the air regarding her ignoscible actions. 

"I also want to apologise to you all" Sayo then said to her band members, "It wasn't my intent to cause such a scene during these already testing times. It won't affect the lives, you have my assurances after my discussion with Yamabuki-san".

The room was deathly silent as Arisa's frown remained but she was less likely to lunge at Sayo which was an improvement. Sayo could only wait, keeping her gaze on Saaya's lovers as she chided herself further for causing such a stir but she couldn't help it, this much she knew.

"Don't worry about that" Lisa murmured as she looked back at Tae and Arisa, trying to figure out what they were thinking. 

"Can we talk to you for a moment..alone".

It was Tae who had spoken up since Arisa was clearly not going to say anything yet

Sayo couldn't deny she was somewhat perturbed by Tae's request but at this point, she was lucky she wasn't beaten to a pulp by Arisa so she didn't dwell on it too much as she looked at Yukina.

It was unlike there was a choice in the matter so she simply nodded, not before giving Sayo an extra longing look of concern. 

She was irate that the session was disrupted but Yukina knew there were more pressing matters at hand and it would give her a chance to get the full story from Lisa.

"Thank you" Sayo said as Lisa and Rinko glanced worryingly between Sayo and Arisa.

"It's okay, Lisa-san, nothing will happen to Sayo-san" Tae reassured.

She wasn't surprised to know that that was the trio's concern, knowing that the fury was still radiating from her smaller lover. She was glad she had made it in just the nick of time before Arisa did go ahead and procure physical damage. Tae knew Arisa well enough to know that her demeanour was completely off before she left the house and she had a strong feeling as to where she was headed. Following her was an ostensible thing to do after Rinko confirmed their location. 

Still, Sayo wasn't sure if the following conversation would help to alleviate the situation or make it worse.

"Ah, thanks Tae" Lisa replied gratefully and then looked back at Sayo, giving her a supporting look, "We'll be outside".

Sayo smiled briefly as Rinko, Yukina and Lisa left the room, the silence of the booth apparent again as Tae and Arisa watched her. 

Not knowing what to say and feeling the apprehension bubble again in her stomach, Sayo shuffled on her feet and apologised again, "I am sorry".

"Do you regret it?".

It was a question that Sayo wasn't expecting and neither was Arisa when she turned to her lover, giving her a surprised look but said nothing. Sayo had to give the blonde some props for just about managing to curb her anger still, she knew she didn't deserve that sort of leniency but she wondered if her answer would change that.

Sayo exhaled lightly and ran a hand down her face to fight the overwhelming fatigue hitting her, "I don't".

"What?". 

"Please allow me to explain" Sayo quickly said as she registered the venom in Arisa's tone as Tae quickly took her hand in hers again, "Hanazono-san, are you are asking me if I regret my feelings for Yamabuki-san, isn't that it?".

Tae hummed her answer, glad that Sayo could read between the lines.

The question was less bait and more about the reason _why_ Sayo had initiated it.

Lust and love were two separate things when it came down to the wire and Tae wanted to know which it was.

Arisa couldn't give a damn which but she let it be, if it was what Tae wanted to know, her edacious need to lash out being left on waiting. 

"I..don't regret falling for her" she declared, "I regret the way in which I let my emotions dictate and take advantage of her kindness" whilst gauging the reactions from the two women, "If anyone would have told me that at the start of this I would end up falling for someone, for Yamabuki-san, I would have outright referred to it as madness. The possibility of anything like this happening would not have formed in my mind, nor did it have a reason to. Yamabuki-san's talent and dedication and my adoration of that was all it was meant to remain as and yet..".

"And yet you kissed her knowing that she was taken".

"No, that is not at all true, Ichigaya-san" Sayo replied calmly, "I did everything that I could to fight back what I was feeling. It terrified me and I did not want to feel like that _again_ , not after..".

Tsugumi.

It was left unsaid but they all knew.

"Yamabuki-san is a remarkable woman, in all sense of the term and it did cross the line from appreciation to adulation, unfortunately that was out of my hands."

Tae rubbed circles around the back of Arisa's hand to keep her calm, knowing that Sayo's praise was being taken the wrong way but Tae could see the honesty in Sayo's words. She wanted to know whether the feelings were truly in a place between the grey area but one thing was clear, Sayo's heart was taken.

By Saaya. 

She could understand the woman's statement of it being out of one's hand because it was true, even someone as meticulous and headstrong as Sayo couldn't mould the afflictions of the heart or curb them.

It was simply unfortunate that Sayo's heart had picked a woman that had the hearts of two others embedded within her own.

"As I said, my intention was not to tarnish your relationship". 

"Thinking a bit highly of yourself there, aren't you?" Arisa spoke up, "It'll take more than that to mess with what we have".

Sayo nodded and accepted the statement which irked Arisa more. Part of her wanted Sayo to push her buttons again, to get her to react but seeing Sayo so docile about the situation was a tad more difficult to deal with.

"I knew that from the moment I heard you were all together. Yamabuki-san's expression and the way she would revel in pride when discussing you both is something that cannot be replaced. A part of me knew that there was a non-existent chance of her and I, well, being anything but hope is such a misleading yet wonderful thing, isn't it".

"So if you didn't kiss her, you would have regretted it. Just in case there was a chance that something could have happened?".

"In a simple answer yes" Sayo replied to Tae's query, "I supposed I needed to do so in an effort to start to severe the ties between us, or more mine towards her".

"You didn't have to do fuck all" Arisa scoffed, "You could have asked her. There was no need to kiss her, was there?".

Sayo couldn't deny that as her head shifted to the side, the slick sheen of perspiration around her neck being caught in the lights, "Probably not. Kissing her was purely selfish, and the part that I do partially regret because of how it made her feel. Yet despite this, she..she found it in her heart to forgive my propositioning and offered to listen instead".

"That's just how Saaya is" Tae said, thoughts of the brunette's kind nature tugging at her heart, knowing that regardless of the situation, Saaya would put the needs of others before her own, "She sees the best in people even during the ugliest of times. She also mentioned what happened between you and Tsugumi".

"I figure" Sayo sighed in understanding as she took a seat on the chair, her legs feeling weak as the adrenaline started pooling out of her "If she hadn't, I assume Ichigaya-san would have been having this conversation with me last night or whenever Sa- I mean Yamabuki-san told you and with much more dire consequences. I.. appreciate that you took it into consideration".

"That wasn't for your sake" Arisa quickly said.

"I am thankful of it, regardless".

Arisa rolled her eyes as she squeezed Tae's hand in hers whilst hoping that Saaya wasn't home yet

Arisa recalled the details of what Tsugumi had done and a part of her, the compassionate side which had been brought out by her bandmates, felt an ounce of sympathy for Sayo. She wanted to know if that had anything to do with Sayo's attraction towards Saaya, hoping that that was case since it would make it easier to deal with.

A rebound and nothing more.

Saaya and Tsugumi were similar.

"Is that what it was, you..you found comfort in Saaya because she is like Tsugumi?" the blonde asked as she watched the guitarist curiously, "I can get _that_ , I mean it doesn't excuse what you did but yeah, is that the reason?". 

Sayo saw that question coming too, since Saaya had expressed similar concerns so she deemed it fair to answer Tae and Arisa as honestly as possible.

Maybe it would make things worse, perhaps it would offer some reprieve and chip away the icy layer which had formed between them.

She wouldn't know until she divulged everything she had to say.

That yes, it may have started with Tsugumi but the end result, the sole conduit for her emotions for Saaya was Saaya alone.


	11. Miscommunication (Part 2)

* * *

Lisa, Yukina and Rinko had taken a seat at the table after ordering some drinks but all their attention was on the door. Arisa's arrival had been a glaring presage as to what was to happen but even then, the situation had become quite the quandary. 

If there was a ruckus going on in the booth, they would not be aware of it.

"Sh-should we check up on them?" Rinko asked tentatively as Lisa kept a hold of her hand, her eyes switching from the duo to the studio door.

"Probably won't be a good idea right now, Rinko" Lisa said gently, understanding her lover's concerns for Sayo, along with what Tae and Arisa had to be enduring, "They need to talk this out. I'm guessing that's why Tae wanted to speak to her alone. I'm sure Arisa won't do anything..maybe". 

"She was angry. I don't think I have seen her like that before. Even with Toyama-san".

"Given the circumstances, that would be understandable" Yukina commented, her eyes falling on Lisa, "When did you realise that Sayo was..".

"Pining over Saaya? Hmm, couple of weeks in. Did you really _not_ notice it at all, Yukina?" Lisa asked before grinning, "Actually forget that, how long did it take you to realise that Aya was flirting with you?". 

The vocalist frowned and sputtered her response, "I'll have you know that Aya didn't even know she was flirting so that wasn't my fault in its entirety". 

The brunette chuckled slyly, Rinko smiling before she answered Yukina's query, "In fairness to you missing it, I suppose it was purely due to the unlikely chance of something like this happening. Would either of you have seen this coming?".

Rinko shook her head as Yukina pondered the question but Lisa spoke up again, "Not really, no. But it has happened and we need to help her get through this. From what Sayo said, Saaya and she have patched things up enough to not let it intervene with the lives".

"You don't think it is a coincidence that she is not here today if it happened the other night?" Yukina wondered. 

"That is just timing" Lisa answered confidently, "The bakery was swamped today. I went by earlier actually. You know, what with Valentines Day coming up so it makes sense. I absolutely know Saaya would have come in today if she wasn't busy".

"I think so too" Rinko added, "Saaya-san is focused on this. All things considering, she is still thinking of us and Hikawa-san despite what she might be going through herself".

Yukina mulled it over for a minute before sighing, her eyes pinched in thought as she weighed up the new information along with future issues. She also felt out of sorts for not realising what was going on with Sayo and wondered if she could have aided her friend in some way.

It was something Lisa noted from her childhood friend's expression, "This isn't our fault either, Yukina. Whatever Sayo was feeling and going through was only something she could come to terms with alone".

"I suppose so. But after everything that happened with Hazawa-san, I was hoping she'd be able to reach out to us".

Rinko hummed in agreement whilst watching people around her, wondering how this situation was going to work itself out. 

"Yeah, me too. But we know it is never that simple" Lisa stated and toyed with the straw in her drink, "Right now, all we can do is support her, and Saaya. If they're both good to go with the performances, then that's what we have to be too". 

"Despite the awkward energy?".

Lisa nodded at Rinko's words "Beyond anything, they're both professionals".

The vocalist couldn't deny it but the sinking feeling of how this calamity was going to impact Sayo remained in her thoughts. 

"Should we check on them now?" Rinko couldn't help but to ask again worriedly and looked at the direction of the booth, hoping that nothing physical had occurred.

"Not yet, babe" Lisa smiled, "Once they're done, they'll let us now. I know you're worried, I've never seen Arisa so angry too, Tae either. They have every right to be so I can understand that but I know they can be level headed".

"It was startling indeed" Yukina agreed while glancing at Rinko, most familiar with Arisa's personality.

Rinko appeared to be in deep thought about it and Yukina knew the scenario was overwhelming for her, for them all so they had to deal with it as effectively as they could.

"Do you think Saaya-san is aware of this, of Arisa-san being here?".

"I doubt it. She's been at the bakery the whole day so she probably had no idea Arisa would come here" Lisa answered, "Poor thing..".

As much as Sayo's life may have taken a detour, she'd certainly thrown a spanner in the works for Saaya.

All three had realised that and hoped that the repercussion of Sayo's action wouldn't leave lasting damage to Saaya, Tae and Arisa's relationship. Since there was nothing insidious in Sayo's mind, that counted for something at least but the idea of any outsider interfering with their relationship wouldn't bode well with anyone.

It was another indicator as to Saaya's sensibility; how well she was dealing with the mass of emotions that had appeared on all fronts.

 _This_ wasn't what she agreed to, after all.

None of them could've anticipated the following events, the dissonance created. 

They could only hope that things would hold steady till after the lives, then, they could work on salvaging what friendship was left from Saaya and Sayo.

***

Back in the studio, Sayo had finished recounting where she stood in terms of her feelings blossoming from the heartache that Tsugumi had left behind.

It was everything she said to Saaya, no lies, no hesitation.

By the end of it, it was taking a copious amount of resolve in Sayo to not break down.

This whole situation was an imbroglio of feelings, one _she_ was responsible for it. 

Not only had she made things problematic for her band, she'd also disrupted Saaya's peaceful life, the life she was entitled to after coping through her mother's death and the loss of Arisa's grandparents. 

The blonde in question had her back to Sayo as she simmered in what Sayo had told her as Tae had an almost understanding gaze in her eyes when the guitarist looked her.

When it came down to it, the truth was that Sayo didn't strive to scupper the serenity in their lives, she was acting irrationally due to her emotions.

She was remorseful.

She was tired.

She cared deeply for their girlfriend. 

Tae could see the weakness surrounding her as she remained sat down, her hands balled into fists and shoulders so rigid that Tae was worried the woman would collapse within herself.

Arisa's stance mirrored Sayo's but the hostility had diminished just a tad, just enough for Tae to know that Arisa had _listened_ to Sayo's story and not just for the sake of listening.

"The sensation was as esoteric as could be to me" Sayo added after standing up, "It does not excuse my actions but my confusion took the reigns of my thoughts. I just needed to know if-".

"If there was chance for you to be with Saaya?" Tae finished and saw Arisa visibly flinch at that possibility.

"Yes" Sayo replied honestly but with contrition, "I was somewhat aware that there was no chance considering how Saa-" Sayo stopped herself when Tae raised a curious brow at her, "Yamabuki-san is devoted to you both. That and I'm not entirely sure as to how the uh, semantics of your relationship work should there be some involvement from someone else".

Tae was still fixated on Sayo's faux pas regarding _almost_ saying Saaya's first name considering there were very few people she called by their given name. 

Such was in Saaya's ability to make people comfortable around her, ameliorating them from whatever their state of mind. 

"It was shitty of you to put her in such a position to begin with" Arisa commented and turned around, hazel eyes still fiery, "She was fucking devastated, hell, more worried about _you_ when she told us. Do you have any idea what it was like to see her like that?".

Sayo glanced away, "I..can't imagine. It is not an expression I would want to appear from someone as kind and considerate as she is. Hence why I do regret what I have done on that basis. Again, I apologise".

Sayo's apology loitered between them as Tae shook her head slightly and held Arisa's hand, "Admitting to what you did wrong is admirable".

"Not that it changes much" Arisa muttered.

All were inclined to agree as Sayo nodded, "I know".

"What's done has been done, Sayo-san" Tae continued, "Whatever happens now is Saaya's call and you need to respect that. She is willing to go ahead with the performances, to perform with you so, don't make her regret it".

"I assure you that I will not do anything to hinder her state of mind and performance" Sayo responded and relaxed her posture, "May I ask how she is doing?".

Arisa's face scrunched up in warning but she refrained from the scathing remark as the question was innocent enough, "It's Saaya we're talking about. If there is a person who knows how to get on with things despite going through hell, it's her. Sometimes it is frustrating since she knows she can rely on us..".

Sayo understood that sentiment clearly, "Of course".

" _Something else you both can relate to huh_ " Tae mused to herself as she knew Sayo was the same in that regard.

As irate as she was, Sayo was making it easier to deal with by not being stubborn, by admitting her faults and by caring about Saaya despite being chewed out from herself and Arisa. She knew Arisa was thinking the same thing, enough to bite back her harsh tone, enough to simply sound scolding.

"We don't decide what Saaya wants to do with you, whether she wants to remain friends with you afterwards" Arisa stated, "But if you do _anything_ else to hurt her, I swear you'll regret it, Hikawa-san".

Sayo believed her.

The stinging sensation around her throat was a tangible reminder of that. 

Tae kept a hold of her lover's hand again, sensing the fury rising before feeling her phone began to ring.

She removed it from her pocket and looked at the display to see Saaya calling and Sayo didn't have to see it to know that it was the brunette.

Tae's tense features had relaxed by just hearing her lover's voice.

Sayo too, felt assuaged, even though she had no right to in her mind.

"We'll be leaving now" Tae said to Sayo.

She had nothing more to add, not as of now as Sayo had acknowledged the two before apologising once more and watched the two leave.

Arisa gave her one last glare before being led out by Tae as they both attempted to digest Sayo's side and feelings, all the while hurrying to get home to Saaya.

The next few days would be testing for the three but they knew they were resilient enough to get through it. 

So long as Sayo stuck to her words and distanced herself from Saaya unless necessary.

  
Lisa, Yukina and Rinko had saw the duo off before making their way to the studio to see Sayo's energy give out and her form stumble back onto the chair.

The brunette was quick to wrap her arms around Sayo as Rinko placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. They could feel the enervate condition Sayo was embroiled in as she barely held herself together. 

Yukina watched on with concerned eyes at the sight of the dejected guitarist and it was too much to bare.

It was Tsugumi all over again. 

"It's gonna be okay, Sayo" Lisa reassured and held the woman tighter, "We’ll figure something out".

Sayo didn't say anything and just exhaled against the bassist's shoulder as her eyes closed to block out the gaze of her friends.

As appreciative as she was of their support, she couldn't look at them knowing that she had _almost_ ruined their performances.

Knowing that she had hurt Saaya.

  
***

Back at home, Saaya had arrived not long ago to an empty house which was disconcerting to say the least.

She knew Tae was done for the day and Arisa was meant to be at home anyway after closing the shop but neither of her lover's were at home.

In terms of their reaction, nothing had changed drastically, barring the women being extra precarious and wary of Saaya's well being. That was to be expected and Saaya had ensured that nothing else was to come in terms of Sayo and no further altercations were needed.

Tae adhered and Arisa had followed, albeit reluctantly.

Saaya exhaled as she was seated in the living room, bringing out her phone again to see if either woman had responded after Tae said they were on their way home but there was nothing which poked at her fears further.

The messages remained unread after she called Tae but she didn't necessarily specify where she was with Arisa. That in itself was strange and Saaya's worries festered, her eyes darting from the messages and flickering over the last message exchanged with Sayo.

 **Sayo:** _Thank you, Saaya. I apologise once again for the problems I have caused. I hope to see you at practice tomorrow and should you need anything, I am here in regards to divulging this to Hanazono-san and Ichigaya-san._

_Goodnight and please take care._

The brunette sighed after reading her response back to the guitarist of not worrying about it and that she'd see her soon. She hadn't had a chance to text her that she wasn't going to practice, that message shared to Lisa whom had dropped by the bakery. Saaya hoped that Sayo didn't take that as a means of her avoiding her because that wasn't the case.

Right now, she had to focus on contacting Tae and Arisa and was about to call the blonde when she heard the front door click open.

Her heart leapt to her throat as she jumped to her feet and raced to the hallway to see her lovers entering the home, relief washing over her.

But that was quickly dimmed when she saw the tiredness in their countenance, particularly Arisa who looked like she was about to pass out after whatever she had done.

"Arisa, O-Tae.." she gingerly asked as the two stepped in after removing their shoes, "Where did you go?".

Arisa glanced away, unable to look the drummer in the eyes as Tae approached the duo and noted Saaya's pleading eyes, asking for some clarification as to _why_ they seemed dour. Tae knew that Arisa wanted to reveal where they'd been since it was her decision to go so she offered their lover a comforting smile before nudging Arisa gently towards her.

Saaya watched on when the keyboardist finally looked at her, face contorted in a mixture of looking wounded and aggressive.

Arisa's cat like demeanour shone through at the most unusual yet endearing moments. 

"Arisa?".

The blonde sighed, "I did something you specifically told me not to do..".

Saaya had already deduced that much from her guilty expression despite the slight attempt to prevaricate the events. 

"I didn't hit her or anything!" Arisa quickly clarified when she saw the look of concern filter over her lover's face and moved her hands up to vouch for her innocence, "Well, I..I mean I kind of _almost_ strangled her but it wasn't to kill her. Besides, O-Tae stopped me in time. I'm sorry, Saaya" she trailed off, "I couldn't help it. Just knowing that she tried it with you is playing in my mind and I needed her to know that you are _ours_ ".

The brunette took Arisa's hands and pulled her into a hug, her arms wrapping behind the shorter woman's shoulders as she took in a deep breath and rested her head over Arisa's, "You have every right to feel the way you do, sweetheart. I am glad it didn't escalate because that isn't like you, we know that so I'm sure O-Tae wouldn't have needed to stop you" she added and looked at the woman with a fond smile. 

She ran her hands down Arisa's hair and pulled her against her chest tighter, wondering what she could do to appease the blonde.

"Tell me what I can do to make it better.." she asked them both, Tae walking towards them and joining in the embrace whilst pressing her lips against Saaya's.

"Nothing else needs to be done" she assured as she wrapped her arms around her lovers, trapping Arisa between them and nuzzling against the woman's scalp, "I think today was enough for Arisa and me. Listening to Sayo-san's version of events, of what she was thinking helped slightly".

A muffled protest came from Saaya's chest, wanting to refute the comment but Arisa knew there was _some_ truth in that, "She's suffering as it is knowing that she can't have you, I don't need to add anything".

That was one way of thinking about it.

Saaya drew her arms further up to clutch at Tae's jacket and exhaled at the way the guitarist was watching her, "Are you okay, Saaya?".

"I just..want this to be over. Everyone has suffered enough" Saaya said, "Sayo-san included. So the quicker the lives are done, the quicker she can heal I guess. Being around me won't be help with that".

Arisa listened to the strumming of Saaya's heartbeat and her words, wondering if Sayo would actually move on.

Move on from wanting _this_ from Saaya.

"Hang in there" Arisa whispered and kissed the side of Tae's cheek that she could reach, "It's almost over". 

Those may have been the words Arisa said and Tae felt, but there was something unsaid which had the two women holding onto Saaya, tighter than they ever had done. 

Later that night, Saaya found herself in the kitchen with a glass of water in hand and her phone. 

After Tae and Arisa had shared more details in terms of what had occurred in the studio, her worry for Sayo had trebled. 

Arisa's anger issues weren't exactly new but to know that it had gone to _that_ length, where she hadn't been thinking to a point where choking Sayo seemed reasonable was worrisome for Saaya. The evening consisted of doing her utmost best to iron out whatever knots were in Arisa's mind, at least enough where if she saw Sayo out and about, the urge to hurt her wouldn't be there. 

Tae was trickier, she always had been when it came to getting to the core of what she was feeling. 

Beyond the aloof remarks and her general easy-going nature, the guitarist had become even more of an enigma the older she got, even to Saaya and Arisa though the two could read her better than others could. Still, she was grateful that her lover's presence was enough to assuage Arisa whenever she wasn't around. 

There were far more issues to address and the mere thought of it made the brunette sigh out as she found Sayo's number and called her. 

" _One thing at a time_ " she mused to herself when Sayo's voice cut through her thoughts. 

"Yamabuki-san?".

"Back to surnames?" Saaya teased, but thought better of it when she heard Sayo stammer, "I'm sorry, I guess that was in poor taste".

"No, not at all" Sayo replied, "As I said, if _you_ are happy for me to keep calling you your first name, then I am too. It's just, given today's events, I was not expecting a call". 

Saaya understood and moved the glass on the counter backwards, "I know, I had to call and see how you were. I'm worried about you. Is it okay to talk, I know it's late now and I don't want to keep you awake". 

Sayo was in the midst of practicing in her room and had placed her instrument on its rack before going to her bed and laying down. 

If Saaya wanted to talk, she wanted to give the woman her undivided attention. 

Just hearing her voice, the concern oozing out was enough to make her feel weak but she also kept her words to Tae and Arisa in mind, that any other interaction wouldn't be a hindrance. 

"It is okay, Saaya" Sayo replied as she stared at the ceiling, "I am more concerned about whether it is alright for me to be talking to you. I don't want to cause further problems" she continued, "And..please do not worry about me".

The brunette chuckled, "I can't help it. Arisa made an interesting point about the people in my life and who I take to". 

"In what manner?". 

"People I gravitate towards, want to help, or just be there for them" Saaya answered, her eyes glancing at the night sky, "The troubled ones..". 

That was interesting, Sayo thought to herself, "Does Ichigaya-san categorise both herself and Hanazono-san in that bracket?". 

"She was kind of quick to" Saaya admitted as she thought back to the conversation. 

_"I don't think you can help it. It's like all of us that are fucked up or weird in some way are drawn to you._

_"Just like all of us in Poppin'Party. Saaya's the sensible one"_ Tae has added helpfully. 

_"Exactly, even Rimi. So Hikawa opening up to you makes sense I guess, since she the Queen of Complexes"._

Of course, Saaya wasn't going to provide that bit of the conversation just yet and continued. 

"I guess what she means is that.." Saaya tried to rationalise, "I was maybe a source of comfort, like one would help wounded puppies and kittens". 

Sayo couldn't help but to chuckle at the comparison, "That almost makes it sound normal".

"You are, _all_ of you are, Sayo" the drummer said and rubbed the back of her neck, "It's normal to feel hurt and seek comfort". 

"Saaya, it was much _more_ than that for me. I don't want to say anything else to stir this mess I have made but you..you mean more to me than a buffer for my feelings for Tsugumi".

Sayo had turned in her bed, phone pressed to her ear whilst listening to Saaya's faint breathing. It was better to extirpate any doubt of Tsugumi's manipulation of her feelings. Her heart had runaway with her brain again, all warnings being tossed aside but she felt it was integral to remind Saaya of her worth, even to her. The confrontation with Arisa and Tae had reiterated that very fact back to Sayo, a Sayo who was hanging onto Saaya's presence. 

"I'm walking a fine line right now" the guitarist continued, her tone low and intimate, hoping Saaya would hear her, "But I, I want you here because you are you. That is all it is for me". 

"Here? As in..?" Saaya trailed off as Sayo answered her. 

" _Here_ , next to me. If it means that Ichigaya-san ends up trying to asphyxiate me again, so be it" Sayo said with a definitive tone to elucidate each word, "I just would like for you to be here, Saaya, close enough that I, I can-".

"Sayo" the drummer interrupted, the back of her neck flushed with a familiar heat which plunged her into confusion further, "Please don't..".

Her heart was clenching, like there were several hands pressing it, three in particular when there should have been only two. 

"I know, as I said I am walking a fine line right now by even daring to say this to you" Sayo continued tentatively, "But this is as clear as I can convey what you mean to me and what I wish I could mean to you".

The brunette could only laugh incredulously, "You really are just like O-Tae and Arisa, intense when you want to make something clear". 

"Well, it appears as if Ichigaya-san has a point in her metaphors" Sayo replied, a smile on her lips, "You often compared me to them when we first started practicing together, do you recall so?". 

"I do. So I might have unintentionally turned you into a mix of O-Tae and Arisa, which caused you to become attracted to me" the brunette deduced with a feigned serious tone, "So this truly is all my fault, how horrible of me".

Though she was joking, there was a large percentage of Saaya that did believe it was her fault for creating this drama and Sayo didn't have to be in the same room to see the guilt hovering over Saaya. 

"Saaya, this is _not_ your doing". 

Sayo's tone was firm but gentle, hoping Saaya believed her. 

"Are you sure? Because I, I shouldn't be feeling like this either". 

Saaya's voice had dropped to a reposeful whisper but Sayo heard it, not quite sure how to interpret it. 

"What are you referring to? Sayo enquired, eyes furrowed in curiosity. 

"Ah it's fine" Saaya shook off and sat up and drank some water before answering, "I'm just a little overwhelmed right now".

"My earlier stint did not aid that, I-

"Hey, stop apologising".

The line went quiet for a moment before the brunette realised what Sayo was doing, or rather, thinking. 

"And stop thinking of synonyms for apologising". 

The low chuckle floating through the speaker caused a glimmer of electricity to run down Saaya's spine. 

Again, Saaya silently marvelled at how expressive Sayo could be, so different from the girl she knew in school and the woman long after. That involuntary tug around her heart tightened as she took in a quick breath and closed her eyes for a second. 

"You've certainly become acquainted with my 'quirks', as Imai-san refers to them " she spoke up whilst wondering where Saaya was in the house, what kind of look she was wearing, " _Just another reminder as to why I'm falling for you_ " she mused. 

"Well, we all have them, Sayo. Speaking of which, how is your throat?". 

"It is fine, I assure you. Ichigaya-san's grip is impressive but no damage done. Though that would indefinitely be thanks to Hanazono-san's intervention". 

She ran her free hand down her throat, pressing the skin lightly to mimic the feeling of Arisa's hands around her neck. The faint marks were there but nothing too concerning so Sayo wasn't worried. Her singing wasn't going to be affected by it so that was the main source of relief. 

Saaya grimaced at the imagery, "I'm sorry". 

"I believe the ceasing of apologies is a two way street, Saaya" the guitarist smiled as Saaya laughed at being chided. 

"Hm, that's fair" she replied before glancing at the time, "I'll work on it if you will. But I should let you go now". 

_"I hope you don't_ " Sayo hoped to herself and bit down the inside of her cheek to stop herself from saying it, "Of course, you need to rest too. Thank you, for checking up on me. I appreciate it". 

"It's the least I can do" Saaya said softly, "Sleep well, Sayo".

"I shall see you soon" Sayo replied before adding, "For practice I mean". 

Saaya could practically see the blush on the other woman's face, her need to be prim and proper always near by. 

She found it endearing. 

"You will, goodnight". 

"Goodnight, Saaya, sleep well". 

Sayo watched the display light up a few times when she removed the phone from her ear, her heart feeling bizarrely lighter. 

Was _that_ the extent of Saaya's influence on her? 

That a simple phone call with a few sugary words dripped in honey being drizzled over her was enough to dull the ache she'd been feeling?

No, Sayo knew it wasn't that simple. 

She rested on her back again, the teal of her hair draped over her pillows as she recounted the conversation. The phone in her hand remained gripped in a way where she'd lose Saaya's words if she let go, that it would all have been a mirage. 

The woman wasn't exactly sure what to make of it but that fact that Saaya had gone out of her way to find out if she was okay provided another thread of rope to cling onto. 

Was it a desperate attempt at clawing back more ground and finding her way into Saaya's heart despite the events of today?

Sayo wasn't sure anymore. 

All she knew was that she would sleep well enough with the alluring imagery of Poppin'Party's drummer, flustered, but right there with her. 

_"I want you here with me"._

The kitchen at Arisa's was silent again as Saaya placed her phone down on the counter. 

For the brunette, her mind was the farthest it had been to sleep already and now, it was nowhere near the orbit. The woman's thoughts were scattered as she pinched the bridge of her nose to stop the incoming headache from spreading anywhere else but she knew it was pointless. 

Sayo's wellbeing had become a centre point of her life, along with Tae's and Arisa's. 

She couldn't deny that no matter how desperately she tried. 

In her attempt at halting her thoughts, she noticed light footsteps padding down the hallway and a figure stroll into the kitchen. 

"O-Tae".

Tae waited at the door, her head leaning on the frame as she watched Saaya with her open eyes, as if she was just revelling in being able to lay her eyes on the woman she was enamoured with. 

It made Saaya laugh, the antics of her lover easing away whatever it was niggling at the back of her mind. 

"Come here" she beckoned, her voice airy as her eyes took in Tae. 

There was something in Saaya's tone that made the guitarist more or less float over to her, her long strides covering the ground of the kitchen quickly. 

Soon enough, Saaya was wrapped in Tae's embrace, her arms around the woman's shoulders as Tae encircled her waist and dipped down since Saaya was still sat down. She exhaled against the dark hair whilst running her fingers through it and felt Tae's breath coat over the crook of her neck. 

"Is Sayo-san okay?" Tae mumbled and nuzzled against the brunette's shoulder. 

Saaya nodded and gripped on Tae harder at the mention of Sayo's name, "She is, there's nothing to worry about" she replied and tugged at Tae's hair to get her to look up at her, "O-Tae?". 

That sickening dredge of guilt has started to drown Saaya again. 

Was curtailing the details of the conversation wrong of her?

More specifically, how their talk could have been mistaken for lovers sharing breathless words beneath the sheets?

"What's wrong?". 

"You have to tell me" Saaya answered as Tae rose to her full height and moved her hands into Saaya's brunette locks that were let down, "Tell me what _you_ are thinking". 

"You're scared, Saaya". 

Saaya opened her mouth slightly to refute it but she couldn't get the words out. Her hands toyed with the hem of her lover's t-shirt, tugging her closer. 

Tae wasn't wrong, far from it.

Even if Tae wasn't imbued in being perspicacious, Saaya's lack of response was enough of an answer for the brunette, " _That_ is what I'm thinking. And I want to know why you're scared, so that I can make it stop" she urged whilst lowering her face and kissed Saaya. 

Saaya could only succumb to the ardent kiss as her arms wound round Tae's hips, holding her steady as she lost herself to the confines of Tae's kiss. 

She wished she could tell her, tell her what her heart was composing without her permission. 

Why there was an additional melody coming from another guitar that wasn't Kasumi's or Tae's. 

"Make it stop" Saaya repeated, lungs starved but body alight, "O-Tae". 

The probing green orbs overtook her own once Tae was back down to her height, running her fingers over Saaya's back till she could trail them beneath her thighs. 

"Make _what_ stop, Saaya? Tell me, please".

Saaya didn't want to talk anymore, not at the expense of this time she had with Tae and Arisa. 

"Upstairs" was all she said and Tae understood despite feeling unnerved by Saaya's lack of response. 

But the action itself was a response so she held the woman tight when Saaya hauled herself into Tae's arm from her sitting position. Her blue eyes had become sharp, piercing as Tae breathed out and bought her lips against Saaya's, just to keep her anchored from whatever was going on in her mind. 

If all she could do now was provide Saaya the comfort she needed through being physical, Tae would accept it, for now. 

Saaya was grasping for an out, clinging onto to Tae to make it stop. 

The whispers in her head. 

The voices constantly asking questions. 

_That_ question. 

_"Is there room in your heart for me I wonder"._

The question was valid but what was unnerving was the voice it was spoken in. 

Sayo's voice. 


	12. Wandering Hearts & Winding Paths

* * *

In the kitchen of the Ichigaya residence, Arisa was in the midst of brewing tea as her mind ran through her conversation with Tae regarding their girlfriend the previous night. 

Once the duo had returned to the bedroom, the unkempt energy and expression of confusion bracing Saaya was tangible. Arisa's worry had risen to extreme heights, regretting her actions of confronting Sayo since the unintended reaction of Saaya becoming further stressed wasn't worth it. 

It took a while to assuage the drummer from her myriad of thoughts as both Tae and Arisa did whatever they could to appease her which eventually led to enervation finally taking its toll on Saaya. 

She shook the thoughts out of her head, deliberating the possibility of Tae's reasonings as to _why_ Saaya was reduced to becoming so perturbed over Sayo. 

Arisa wondered if Saaya had realised it yet. 

The frigid February cold sent a shiver up Arisa's spine as she finished off her task and carried a cup upstairs since she could hear that Saaya was done in the shower.

Tae had already left for work and was going to finish around lunch, Saaya was free today so she'd be practicing and Arisa was going to open the shop up in an hour given the time.

That didn't leave much room for the trio to have a much needed conversation regarding what had occurred and what they could do to appease this situation for Saaya. 

The first performance for Roselia was after tomorrow. 

Everyone involved was on edge as it was and the week's events had only propelled the ominous energy which had settled over both groups. 

It was another reason as to why Arisa wished she just could have refrained herself and lashed out at the guitarist after. But she knew thinking of that was futile now, hoping to at least remain rational for the sake of her lovers. 

She entered the room to find Saaya at the vanity, a towel wrapped around her whilst she set up the hairdryer and noticed the blonde walk in. 

"Good morning, Arisa" she smiled warmly and turned around in her seat. 

Guilt strummed within Arisa's mind as she noticed how earnest her lover's smile was despite the burdens she was having to juggle. 

She reciprocated the greeting whilst moving to the drummer and handed her the tea, "How are you feeling?". 

"Thank you" Saaya said and looked up at the woman, "I'm okay, I do feel a bit refreshed now so it's definitely an improvement" She replied, "Listen, about last night..I'm sorry". 

"What are _you_ apologising for?" Arisa asked incredulously, "Seriously, I fucked up, I'm the one who's sorry" she sighed, "I acted in a way that wasn't exactly smart even if there was a good reason for it. Still, I..it wasn't my plan to make things more awkward than they already are, especially with the first performance the day after". 

"Arisa, it's okay" Saaya insisted and took the blonde's right hand in hers, "This situation isn't ideal for any of us and I don't expect you or O-Tae to have to remain calm for me at all times. I know why you did what you did, I get it. It's just..complicated right now". 

That was the conversational gambit Arisa needed to begin a discussion about the thing that worried her and Tae the most. 

Technically speaking, it shouldn't be complicated. 

Not unless Saaya had grown an attachment to Sayo that was beyond platonic. 

She nodded in understanding whilst pursing her lips, urging herself to remain quiescent and compose her thoughts properly, "Turn around, I'll do your hair". 

Saaya looked at her for a few seconds, trying to gauge her lover's reaction as she sensed there was something burying beneath Arisa's mind that she needed to get off of her chest. She knew that she had to give the blonde her own time to do so and smiled before turning to face the mirror. 

All three of them knew what was needing to be asked and answered. 

The hairdryer was plugged in so Arisa began to see to her lover's hair, allowing the hot air to curl over the brunette locks. Her eyes flickered to the mirror now and then to see Saaya still watching her, cerulean orbs open and evocative to a point where Arisa had to physically shake herself out of her stupor. 

It was a kind of honesty that Saaya showed to her and Tae alone but evidently, it wasn't just them now. 

She thought back to their snippets of conversation from last night, how the mere mention of Sayo's name elicited a reaction that not she or Tae had seen for a long time. 

At least not since their relationship had formed and it was Arisa who was wrestling with her feelings for Saaya whilst the brunette was in a relationship with Tae during their college days. 

So it wasn't like either of the women were completely oblivious to the tells that were there in terms of what was happening. 

The whirring of the appliance filled the silence till Arisa was content with Saaya's hair being dried before running a brush through it. She could see how relaxed the brunette was with each movement, each caress of her hair whilst making an effort to skim her fingers over Saaya's bare shoulders. As much as Arisa didn't want to shatter the temporary bliss on her lover's countenance, she had to know where Saaya's heart and mind were straying and whether there would be enough space left for her and Tae. 

She placed the hairdryer down on the dressing table as Saaya turned around again and took Arisa's wrists in her hands to pull her in. The blonde found herself straddled on Saaya's lap, knees on either side of the woman's waist before Saaya let go of her wrists and wound her arms around her waist. 

"Thank you". 

Arisa rolled her eyes and brushed back the now fluffy locks, "What are you thanking me for, dummy. This is normal..".

Saaya grinned and leaned forward to place a fleeting kiss to Arisa's lips, "It doesn't mean I don't appreciate everything you and O-Tae do for me".

Her words brushed against Arisa's lips as she lowered her hands down to her side, enjoying the feeling of Saaya's mouth grazing hers. 

"Is it enough for you, Saaya?". 

The drummer pulled back, "What do you mean?". 

"Sorry, that's not what I wanted to ask. At least not the way I wanted to ask you" Arisa shook her head before looking at her lover again, "Will you be honest with me?". 

Saaya always was, this much Arisa was aware of but she _needed_ to hear it from her mouth.

The need to clarify it worried Saaya since Arisa's vulnerabilities weren't even being masked anymore. Her hazel eyes were rigid in their stare but the furrow between her brows indicated how apprehensive she was about asking what she wanted. 

So Saaya nodded, having to conceal her own fear for now, "I will be, Arisa".

Arisa's question lingered in the air the moment Saaya closed her mouth. 

"Are you attracted to Hikawa-san?".

The question was as translucent as could be, no running rings or walking around eggshells. 

Arisa didn't need a vocal response since the look of surprise yet obviousness was prevalent on Saaya's face. Her hands had gently squeezed Arisa's waist as they held each other's gaze, neither looking away. 

"Saaya?". 

***

The lives were coming up in a couple of days and the band had upped the ante on the rehearsals knowing that there would be none the day before. Despite this, Yukina had insisted that all members take an adequate break, spacing the sessions throughout today to ensure that her bandmates were vitalised.

Said morning was one of those opportunities that the group had been left to their own tasks.

Sayo had opted to take a stroll to clear her mind after a quick practice session with Rinko and Lisa. 

The biting cold didn't hinder her much as she had a few layers on and her core temperature was generally on the colder side to begin with. 

Luckily, the streets were relatively empty which she was grateful for.

There appeared to be a peaceful lull surrounding her from the events of that night.

She and Saaya had managed to work together without too much awkwardness given Arisa and Tae's handy intervention. 

It was unnerving for the guitarist as she felt she still deserved worse.

But the conversations she had had with Saaya over the phone had reassured her that it wasn't the case. It was fascinating to see how Saaya was _still_ reaching out for her to make sure that she was okay despite the fact that she had almost ruined her relationship. 

" _I don't deserve her kindness_.." Sayo mused to herself as she exhaled, a mist of air obstructing her view as she continued her stroll but then she abruptly stopped.

She hadn't noticed a figure in front of her she had dazed out that much and Sayo was quick to apologize, "Please excuse me, I apologise for not watching where I was going".

"I never realised how much you apologise".

The voice was familiar yet teasing and Sayo looked up to see someone she was _not_ expecting to see.

Hanazono Tae.

Her first instinct was to do so again but she caught herself and took a few steps back, "Hanazono-san".

"Good morning, Sayo-san" Tae greeted and adjusted the item in her hand, "Out for a walk?".

The friendly nature had the woman on edge.

The last time she saw Tae was when she had to restrain Arisa from punching her in the face.

"Yes, our group practice isn't till later. How about yourself?".

"I was taking Yama for a walk, gets her out of the clinic for a while before she gets adopted".

Tae lifted the item in her hand which looked like a carry on hutch for rabbits which made sense considering the woman's extended family and job. 

"Yama..?" Sayo repeated, " _Most likely after Saaya's last name_ " she mused to herself. 

Tae nodded and grinned, "She looks a bit like Saaya too. Would you like to see her?".

Sayo wasn't sure of what to make of the conversation, teetering between excusing herself and sticking around. She didn't want to cause the woman anymore problems, or her relationship.

"Perhaps that isn't a wise idea, all things considering".

She made up her mind and Tae already knew she wanted to refuse, "It's fine, maybe we can talk too".

"About what?".

"Saaya".

Sayo's eyes widened slightly, "Is she okay?" she asked and couldn't stop herself.

The Poppin'Party guitarist quirked an eyebrow, smirking slightly as she watched Sayo attempt to restrain herself. It was strange, to see someone else be so protective of Saaya like they were but that was to be expected. But it was the fact that someone with Sayo's martinet personality could depict the level of consideration and care for Saaya which piqued at Tae's interest. 

Sayo had indeed fallen for their drummer.

"She's okay, don't worry. I didn't mean to worry you like that" Tae addressed and motioned to the bench in the park, "Let's sit down".

Not really leaving her with a choice, Sayo followed the woman as she held her breath, wondering what on earth Tae could want to talk to her about. She'd had enough warnings from Arisa to leave well alone unless it was for practice or whenever Saaya called her. Perhaps Tae's methods of warning her off from Saaya was something else in its entirety.

" _Death by rabbit torture_?" Sayo wondered before chiding herself for thinking such ludicrous thoughts.

Relenting with a light sigh, Sayo joined the guitarist as she placed the hutch down on her other side.

"How have you been, Sayo-san?".

Sayo kept her gaze ahead as she mulled over the simple question that felt loaded. She had a feeling that lying to Tae wouldn't bode well so she opted to keep her answers as terse and simple as well.

"I'm just getting on with everything at the moment, primarily practice. There isn't much else I can do but keep looking forward".

"From Saaya, included?".

"I imagine so, yes. I've made it clear that I have no intention of harming her or you and Ichigaya-san. Again, I apologise for my indiscretion".

Tae hummed in thought and turned to face the woman, "Did that work with Tsugumi?".

Sayo flinched at the name, her fists balling on her lap, "Hanazono-san, what is it that you want of me?".

They met eyes in an inimical standoff, neither shifting as Tae appeared impassive whilst staring at Sayo, like she was reading the answers of Sayo's heart on her face. The similar verdant gaze wanted to make Roselia's guitarist look away but she couldn't, not wanting to allow Tae to see her vulnerabilities.

Tae ended up breaking the contact, taking a quick breath in, a bid to channel her inner reservations. She was the one who insisted they talked so she didn't want to ruin that opportunity. But the anguished expression on her lover's face and the words she was mumbling the night before kept clipping away at Tae's nerves. 

"I want to know..when you fell for Saaya".

"Why?". 

"I'm curious" Tae answered and went to open the hutch to reveal a small rabbit.

Sayo's heart melted.

It was the cutest thing she had ever seen, barring dogs of course.

Tae was right, the fur resembled Saaya's hair and the expressive dark eyes could lure anyone in.

"She's cute, isn't she" Tae smiled, "Want to hold her?".

"Won't she run away?" Sayo enquired, not knowing how rabbits actually worked outside of their usual environment.

Tae shook her head and gently placed her in Sayo's arms, "Just hold onto her". 

Sayo gulped slightly and felt the warm bundle in her arms, holding the rabbit like it was a baby. Her hand stroked over the animal and she was surprised at how subdued it was.

"Yama is a good girl" Tara offered and watched the way the rabbit's ears flickered when Sayo continued to pet her, "She's fairly young compared to the other rabbits".

"She is significantly smaller" Sayo noted, smiling at the way the rabbit twitched her nose, "Adorable".

Tae let the woman get comfortable with Yama as she assessed her countenance.

She knew Sayo was under a strenuous amount of pressure and she could see the result of it beneath the woman's eyes and within them. She recalled the conversation they had had at the studio and had never really forgotten about it.

She understood _why_ Saaya had been very lenient with her, not lashing out whenever she had every right to because when it came down to it, Sayo wasn't striving to wedge herself between her and her relationship, at least not intentionally.

"I don't think it was a matter of when".

Sayo had begun talking again as she continued to pet the rabbit in her arms. She was thinking about Tae's question, about when had she fallen for Saaya and she couldn't come up with an adequate time stamp.

It happened before she ever realised it settling it.

In an asymptomatic manner. 

It was slow and inevitable.

Like all good love should have been.

"It was glaring, eventually" she added, "I don't rely on others often as you may know. It took me some time to do so with Roselia but with Saaya, it felt natural". 

"So you do call her by her first name" Tae chuckled when Sayo realised her slip up, "It's fine, it must mean you care a great deal about _my_ girlfriend".

Sayo did not need to have this conversation as she felt the tips of her ears reddening at the insinuation, "Hanazono-san".

As tempted as Tae was in continuing her teasing, the discomfort was prevalent for Sayo now so she dialled it back. Her intent was to ensure that Sayo could see that she wasn't here with any animosity and truly did want to talk about Saaya.

"Teasing aside, I'm glad that you do care about her. Saaya is special, she deserves the best".

"I cannot disagree with that" Sayo nodded whilst moving her eyes to Tae who was watching her, "I'm grateful to her for not only deciding to be our support drummer, but also that she has provided me with healing and support. All the more reason why I'm trying to limit anymore damage done" she repeated, "After the lives are done..".

"Is that going to be it?".

Tae's straightforwardness took Sayo off guard but in a way, she was kind of expecting it. From what she had recalled, Tae was a lot more latitant about her feelings, expressing them in aloof ways but perhaps that was a quirk reserved for those close to her. 

Though it shouldn't come as a surprise since she was essentially a threat towards their relationship. 

That's what it came down to now, what she was going to do in terms of her connection to Saaya after the events.

"Is that what you and Ichigaya-san would prefer". 

"Hmm, I can't speak for Arisa, at least not entirely but it's up to Saaya, really. And you" Tae stated, "Saaya knows where she stands with you but until after the lives, until you tell her what you want, we just have to stand by her".

In truth, Tae knew that that wasn't quite accurate, more so since Saaya's meltdown last night. But she didn't want to offer Sayo any false hope, nor did the side of that didn't want Saaya to fall for Sayo want to provide ammunition for Sayo to reach her. 

Sayo wasn't sure what to make of the thinly veiled threat, "I don't want to hurt her".

"You won't" Tae said, eyes hardened and tone slightly reserved when she said it, "Like Arisa said, _if_ you hurt her, there won't be any leniency next time, Sayo-san. But I know you won't because I can tell you have no intention of doing so" Tae added and reassured Sayo with a more calming smile, "Figure it out, I have a feeling the most unexpected of things have a way of work out".

Sayo furrowed her brows as the rabbit in her arms squirmed, "What do you mean?".

Petting Yama, Tae smiled at the rabbit as she brushed the brown fur with her fingers, skimming over Sayo's hand till she could feel the woman's demeanour. 

Sayo flinched at the touch but more so the way Tae was watching her as her fingers remained over her own. 

"We all want the same thing".

***

The stare down between Arisa and Saaya had continued. 

"I am". 

Even if Arisa was expecting the answer, it didn't lessen the dull ache she felt in her chest. She and Tae had more or less gathered what was happening even if Saaya couldn't see it yet but apparently the brunette was indeed aware of it. 

Arisa had wanted a concise answer, she received one. 

Saaya took the hands of the blonde and placed them onto her lap, feeling the way her lover deflated. 

"I am attracted to Sayo, Arisa" Saaya stated softly, "But that is all I can figure it out to be right now. In fact, it isn't a priority at this moment of time. I need you to understand something". 

"Saaya, don't" Arisa stopped and turned her head away, her eyes glistening with tears, "I don't want an explanation". 

"That isn't what this is, sweetheart. I love you and O-Tae with _everything_ that I am. Nothing has changed that and it never will" she said firmly and squeezed the trembling hands in hers, "I feel conflicted about a lot of things but that does not include how I feel about you two. What I feel for Sayo is..in its early stages". 

"What's that supposed to mean?". 

"It means that it doesn't have to go anywhere" Saaya answered at the almost venomous look in the blonde's tone, "When it comes down to it all, _nothing_ will happen if you and O-Tae are not happy with it". 

Arisa gulped, smashing her teeth together to conceal the rage wanting to emit again at the fact that Sayo had indeed clutched onto Saaya, that her fears were becoming a reality.

She believed Saaya's words, about loving them, she didn't doubt that for a second. 

But the idea, the possibility of having Sayo also being a recipient of Saaya's love was too much to handle. 

She removed Saaya's fingers from her own and rested her hands on the brunette's shoulders. Her grip was firm in a way she was trying to keep Saaya stationed to the seat as she looked into the woman's eyes. 

"Saaya, do you want something to happen between you and Hikawa-san? Does she know how you feel about her? I mean, you can call her name so casually already" she asked, voice barely above a whisper, "Is this the same as you and O-Tae opening your relationship to me, letting me in?".

The brunette's lips trembled at the weakness in the obdurate blonde's tone, "This isn't the same as what happened with you, me and O-Tae. It never was just me and O-Tae because you were always with us so falling for you was inevitable. You need to remember that. I honestly don't know if she is aware of my feelings for her since I made it clear that I couldn't say the same to her" she breathed out and moved her hands up to Arisa's back, "But that was then and now I don't know what I want in the long run because I'm still figuring out my feelings for her. With you, I was already attached so it was different. With her, it's..it's new, there was no basis to falling for her before but I _have_ and I care about her so much. Like I care about you and O-Tae. There are sides of her that I've seen that I wouldn't have believed were there if she didn't show them to me".

"Isn’t _that_ an answer?" Arisa asked, tone pinched now, "It isn't like we don't know how she feels. She's head over heels for you and you..seem to want something to happen".

"I get that it seems that way, I do" Saaya answered in a lackadaisical manner, "Which is why it's making the whole thing messier than it should be. I love you and O-Tae, I have strong feelings for Sayo. Those are two things that are clear for me. But as I said, if you and O-Tae can't see yourself-". 

"Falling for Hikawa-san?". 

Arisa's blunt delivery was a hammer to the nail because it literally was that straightforward. 

If neither Arisa or Tae could see themselves taking an interest in Sayo, then it wouldn't happen. 

"Yeah.." Saaya nodded whilst trailing her fingers into the long locks to hold Arisa's head, "Nothing will come of me and Sayo. This is so much bigger than me deciding if we should remain as friends after the live". 

"Why? You can do that, can't you? Nothing else needs to happen" Arisa refuted. 

"That wouldn't be fair on Sayo" the drummer smiled sadly, "For me to be in her life without feeling the same, and as much as she does for me, would be cruel". 

"Trust you to think of others first.." Arisa muttered before cupping the brunette's cheeks. 

"Arisa, I'm a little overwhelmed right now and I don't want to mess up Roselia's performances" she stated as the feeling of her lover's touch assuaged her slightly, "I don't want to hurt you or O-Tae and I don't want to hurt Sayo. I don't know what to do". 

Exhaling gently, Arisa pulled the drummer in against her chest, wrapping her arms behind the woman's head to keep her close whilst resting her chin on top of it. 

Having the true extent of the complexity of their situation messed with Arisa's mind so she could just about imagine how Saaya was probably feeling. 

And Sayo, for that matter. 

Saaya's strength and weakness was that she wanted to appease everyone, find a way where none of them would have to lose anything. 

But Arisa knew that that outcome wasn't possible. 

She knew that Saaya was aware of it too and yet she was most likely trying to still figure out a way where they all could come out of this unscathed. 

Such was in Saaya's nature. 

Arisa didn't have an answer and she imagine Tae wouldn't either. 

Instead, she could only kiss her lover's head whilst holding her close, offering words that were easier spoken than executed. 

"We'll figure this out together, Saaya". 

It was conversation that would need to occur amongst all four of them if any resolution was to be found. 


	13. Midst Of Memories

* * *

  
Tae's words resonated with Sayo for the rest of the day.

She was trying to decipher what the woman could have possibly meant but her recondite ways continued to cloud it. As far as Sayo knew, it was primarily the members of Poppin'Party that could truly decrypt what Tae referred to when she became enigmatic.

Clearly that hadn't diminished over the years. 

The guitarist was currently stood in line at a café, the afternoon winter sun not quite warm enough to heat anyone up. Since Hazawa Coffee was no longer a place she wanted to step foot in, Sayo had ventured around after the break up to find a location where she could get her caffeine fix without a pinch of awkwardness on the side and luckily, the shopping district wasn't sparse of such establishments. 

She vacillated between each location, trying to find a place where she could feel mitigated from Tsugumi, the memories relinquishing the grip around her heart the more time she spent with Saaya. 

The rest of her morning was divided between visiting Hina and rehearsing by herself. Saaya wasn't meant to join them till eventide so it gave Sayo some time to shape her thoughts after her encounter with Saaya's intriguing lover.

On the bright side, at least there wasn't as much hostility from Tae. 

The hostility was more Arisa's territory Sayo presumed and sighed when she thought back to the encounter.

If kissing Saaya wasn't unusual enough, the events which had followed were even more discombobulated.

She wasn't expecting anything to prosper between them but there was nothing she could do but wait and see what the situation felt like after the lives. In her heart, Sayo _knew_ what she wanted. As selfish as it may have been, she didn't want to lose Saaya, even as friends but she was aware that being around her would cause friction with her lovers, particularly Arisa.

It was quite the conundrum and one she had to figure out soon.

Sayo gave her order to the barista and then stepped to the side to wait for it, taking in the homely ambience. 

Perhaps it did have a similar vibe to Hazawa Coffee, or maybe this was just the general aesthetic of coffee shops but Sayo didn't want to deliberate on that too much. It was a quaint enough location that served fragrant beverages and succulent delicacies without the constant reminder of a brunette that had tore her heart in two. 

Not even knowing why that was, Sayo didn't dwell on it as long as the place served palatable coffee.

She noticed a shorter woman in front of her and Sayo felt like she seemed familiar. The long blonde hair coursed down her back and she was at least a head shorter than her, coupled with the way she'd seen the woman stand before made her certain that it was someone she knew.

That was confirmed when the barista called out the name.

"Ichigaya!".

Sayo felt her heart stop for a second as she saw Arisa accept the beverage and turn to walk directly into her vision.

What were the odds of bumping into Tae in the morning and _now_ Arisa? 

Arisa froze like a deer in the headlights as she noticed Sayo glancing back at her with most likely the same look.

"Ichigaya-san" Sayo greeted as formally as possible, not realising how her body had become rigid.

Two things could happen right now.

Arisa would either throw her drink at her.

Or, she would pick up from were she left in the studio.

Either option wasn't favourable but Sayo braced herself.

"Hikawa-san" came the just as terse reply. 

Sayo was relieved that no liquid followed it but the tense atmosphere was awkward enough to make the patrons around them feel uncomfortable.

Luckily, Sayo's name was called out and the woman excused herself to accept the coffee but she was surprised to see Arisa waiting for her. She knew the blonde was out of her comfort zone and she wasn't fairing any better when she walked up to her. Sayo had no idea what to say, or rather, what _not_ to say to piss the small blonde off.

They remained that way for a few seconds before Arisa stifled a sigh and motioned to the booth at the back, "If you aren't busy, why don't you join me?". 

Sayo wasn't expecting the invitation as her mouth opened and closed for a brief second but Arisa had already headed to the booth so she didn't quite see that reaction. Sayo couldn't handle the strain of the day anymore and she wondered if _this_ was how she was going to go.

Maybe Arisa would not have to physically harm her, Sayo's brain was already doing all the damage.

Finally managing to get her feet to listen to the request of her mind, Sayo found herself seated with Arisa as the discomfiture continued to simmer around them.

"I wasn't expecting to see anybody I know here, admittedly" Sayo started off.

"Yeah, it's tucked away isn't it. I stumbled upon it with Saaya one day. We liked the stuff here" Arisa commented and stirred some sugar into her coffee, "I take it you needed a new haunt after all of _that_?".

Sayo nodded, wary that Arisa didn't even need to second guess as to why she was there. 

Was the grief of her relationship that evident to the outside world?

Had she been stewing in the loss of Tsugumi's presence for that long?

Sayo filed that question away for another day as Arisa gave her a weird look, indicating she had gone off into her own world.

"Yes, you could say so" she answered.

Arisa watched the guitarist, trying to deduce what the woman was thinking but she was the one that offered for Sayo to sit with her so she tried to lead the mood to the conversation, to Saaya.

"I'm not sorry about what I said to you".

Sayo chuckled, "I don't expect you to be. I don't expect you to be this civil with me either, nor Hanazono-san. I crossed many lines".

"Yeah, you did. But.." Arisa stalled as Saaya's words came back to her, her feelings for this woman, "You know you fucked up and have apologised so, I'll give you that. I trust Saaya and O-Tae more than anything in this world so the fact that she can vouch for you, that's enough for me" she said after sipping her coffee, "I still would have preferred to hit you again".

"Would that make you feel better?" Sayo asked seriously and gauged the blonde's reaction, "Hanazono-san was content with me bonding with her rabbit and throwing the casual threat in. Would letting you exert your frustrations out on me be more applicable for you?".

Arisa grumbled after it dawned on her what Sayo was trying to do, "Great, no wonder my girlfriend likes her. From one potential masochist to another".

"What was that?" Sayo enquired, not quite hearing Arisa's mumbled soliloquy. 

"Look, I'm not gonna hit you" Arisa clarified, "Saaya obviously doesn't want that".

"What is it that _you_ want, Ichigaya-san?".

"Shouldn't I be asking you that? You're the one with the fixation on one of my girlfriends" Arisa returned, her lips curving upwards in a smug way and Sayo was both irritated and impressed by the nerve of the blonde.

She blushed slightly and looked away, "It isn't a fixation. I..".

"You what?".

"What I feel isn't relevant right now. As I explained to Hanazono-san, the wellbeing of Saaya is first and foremost my concern".

"Huh, O-Tae was right, first names".

Sayo refrained from face-palming herself for the second time that day as Arisa's hazel orbs peered at her with both curiosity and something else.

She was well aware that Arisa was a canny woman, her intellect shining through as a teen and it had most likely developed well into adulthood. 

" _Saaya really got under your skin_ " Arisa mused to herself.

"My apologies" Sayo said and got the conversation back on track, "As I was saying, her wellbeing is my focal point and the lives too. I understand that I am the reason she is on edge, I see it everyday in practice because I haven't given her an answer in terms of what will happen after ".

"Why do you have to wait? Don't you know how you feel now? I'm not being officious but you could lessen the burden right now. Just stick to being friends" Arisa argued and tapped a finger against the table.

Given the way the conversation was going, one thing was confirmed; Sayo wasn't aware that Saaya felt the same. Like Tae, there was a fragment of her that wanted to deviate Sayo away from their lover, even if it meant just pushing a tad. 

"My answer to that question will result in a similar situation to the studio, Ichigaya-san" Sayo said with a determination she had buried away, "I know how I feel. This isn't just about me. It is about Yamabuki-san. And yourself and Hanazono-san. I'm not as selfish as you may be thinking. No matter what I feel for her, if it causes her problems, I..I'd rather not be the cause of it".

Arisa's frowned eased as she knew Sayo was right, the situation was as complex as could be. 

More so given the mutual feeling between Saaya and Sayo. 

"Just don't drag her along" she warned and moved the sugar across to where Sayo's hand was reaching for it near own her cup, "Don't take advantage of her kindness, Hikawa-san".

Sayo took the cup of sugar whilst keeping her gaze on Arisa, her fingers brushing against the blonde's before she pulled away.

There it was _again_ , that subtle yet notable form of contact. 

"I would do no such thing, you have my word regarding so, despite my previous precipitated actions" Sayo reassured, a glimmer of finality in her eyes.

Arisa remained indifferent for a moment as she assessed the guitarist, wondering where this was going to go.

She knew Saaya, so did Tae and they knew when she was opening up.

"That'd better be the case, Hikawa-san, we want the same thing, after all".  
  


It was only a matter of time. 

***

Later that evening, Saaya had gone over to Roselia's place for their final practice session. 

A sombre silence lingered over Tae and Arisa as the two were laying on the couch together, the blonde resting backwards on Tae's chest, scrolling on her phone. 

Tae had one earphone in, listening to some new bands she had unearthed along with some recommendations from Rei. Her eyes were closed as she lost herself in the impressive sounds of some western band she could see growing a liking to.

Despite the relaxed atmosphere, both women were apprehensive, particularly the keyboardist sifting through Roselia's social media. 

There were countless of new images with Saaya with the band and looking back at the pictures before the revelations came to light, it seemed almost obvious how close Sayo and Saaya were.

Some of the images consisted of hangouts after practice, warm up sessions and venue checks. 

A specific image of the two women together tugged at the small blonde's nerves. It captured Saaya on Ako's drums with a smiling Sayo stood behind her, slightly crouched down so that her cheek was almost pressed against the drummer's. 

Tae could feel Arisa tense up, her back going rigid so she ran her hand over her lover's stomach in an effort to soothe her. 

"Arisa..".

"I'm fine" the blonde replied quietly and skipped the image, "It's just weird seeing it all so clearly now. We missed it O-Tae, missed the signs". 

"Babe, Sayo-san might have known how she felt but Saaya didn't know about her own feelings till recently. Which is the only side we saw so we couldn't have known either". 

Tae's unnervingly precise logic skewered through the doubt of Arisa's mind as she switched to her individual profile, a picture of the three coming up first. 

She smiled at the memory, the previous year's Christmas gathering where Tae repeated her Santa routine. 

The three of them, _together_ , without the current complications. 

Arisa couldn't fathom how much had changed in the short amount of time since then. This opportunity was supposed to be invigorating for Saaya and it was considering the experience and exposure she was receiving. 

But the unintended affect of Roselia's guitarist falling for Saaya wasn't supposed to happen. 

Her eyebrows creased at the thought, "I know, I get that" she said whilst letting her phone rest on her stomach, "It was already a lot to take in as it was and now, after talking to Hikawa-san, I don't know what to think anymore".

"In what way?". 

"I don't know how to explain it. I'm pissed of still, about this whole thing but hearing her talk about it all and Saaya, I don't know". 

She gave up her train of thought with an exasperated sigh, moving one hand in the air to try and depict what she was feeling about situation now and hoping Tae would understand. 

The woman wasn't sure whether she felt sympathetic towards Sayo now or still irate. 

Even if it was the latter, Arisa knew there wasn't much that could be done as again, this would be Saaya's call but she knew Saaya had no intention of putting their relationship under more strain. 

Which left the drummer in a bind.

"This just wasn't meant to happen" she decided to conclude with a weak reasoning. 

Tae could understand those sentiments as took out her earphone and placed her phone on the table, "Saaya's like the sun, she lures people in, bright like her surname".

"Huh, you have a point I guess. You should write more lyrics you know".

"The last time I did that, I wrote about loving my guitar, rabbits and meat".

"Not much has changed then?".

"Same goes for you, Miss 'I never said like but I totally did'" Tae smirked. 

"Ugh, stop that". 

Arisa pushed down on her lover's body in an indignant way as Tae laughed before getting back to what she was saying. 

"What I'm trying to say is that Saaya obviously has a way to just lure people in. Sometimes it the scent of the bakery.." Arisa chuckled at that, "But most of the time, it's her personality. You know that better than anyone else". 

"That's fair" the blonde responded and ran her fingers over Tae's forearms resting above her hips.

"Arisa, isn't that why _you_ fell in love with her too when she and I were a couple?". 

Arisa shifted uncomfortably when she thought back to that, "O-Tae, we don't have to-". 

"Hear me out, okay?" Tae urged gently, knowing that there was still an inkling of guilt strumming away within the keyboardist, "Here, turn over. I want to see you". 

Arisa wasn't sure if she could have this conversation whilst looking Tae in the eyes but she relented and allowed her lover to reposition her. She was now resting on Tae, arms on her chest and slotted between the brunette's legs so that they were face to face. 

"Even though me and Saaya were dating, you already felt something for her, right? I mean it probably started back in school for you when it came to Saaya".

Arisa nodded, "Yeah, I guess so. What does this have to do with what is happening now?". 

"Everything" Tae smiled, "What you're feeling is not that different to what I felt back then when we tried to figure out what to do between the three of us. And it's not that different from what Sayo-san is feeling in terms of liking someone who is already attached, something you can understand well". 

"I'm not saying I'm not being hypocritical about this" the blonde mumbled, slightly hurt, "Don't you think I remember almost breaking you and Saaya up?". 

She got up from Tae's stomach, swinging her legs around to get up from the couch but before she could, Tae had already sat upright and wrapped her arms around Arisa's waist to sit her back down on her lap and cease the desultory actions. 

"Arisa, that isn't what I'm saying" she whispered into her lover's ear. 

"Let me go, O-Tae".

"You didn't let me finish" Tae insisted, increasing her grip around Arisa as her voice became steadier which was an indication to her demeanour, particularly how serious she was becoming. 

"I thought I was going to lose my girlfriend _and_ my best friend at the time. I had never felt that much fear in my life before when all three of us could barley be in the same room together without arguing about what to do" she sighed and nuzzled against Arisa's neck, "When it came out that you were in love with Saaya and she had feelings for you too, I thought, that was it for me. There was no need for Saaya to stay with me". 

Arisa's eyes glistened at the vulnerability in Tae's voice and hugged the arms around her waist as she listened. 

"You both were already close, well before even realising it during college and in my head, Saaya had already chosen _you_. Whenever I held her after that, it felt like I was just trying to be someone I couldn't be for Saaya, which was you. I hated it, I, almost hated you". 

"O-Tae..".

The blonde hung her head down in shame at the revelation, getting ready to apologise for all eternity if need be but that wasn't what Tae was trying to do. 

She maneuvered Arisa around till they were looking at each other again, the smaller woman not daring to glance into Tae's verdant eyes. But Tae cupped her jaw, getting her to face her and she noticed that the guitarist was smiling, eyes dusted with adoration. 

"But that was impossible, it wasn't like I tried to hate you, just to make _that_ clear" she explained whilst tracing her thumb over Arisa's bottom lip, "I could _never_ hate you, Arisa. I wouldn't change a thing that happened between us because this right here" she looked around their home, "Is what it led to. You, me and Saaya, together. And _why_ were we able to make it happen?". 

"W-we talked it through, properly" Arisa answered, lips moving under Tae's touch before the thumb moved back down to her jaw. 

Tae nodded, taking Arisa's hands in hers and keeping them between their chest. 

"Exactly. I know it was confusing at first. We were a mess but Saaya being Saaya, managed to keep it together for us. She held us together, loving us both without ever leaving either of us out. It felt like it was meant to be that way".

Arisa recalled it too, how hard Saaya worked in saving their friendship and building on their relationships. Even if the brunette was scared and lost, just like they were, she saw to it that they try and navigate the maelstrom of emotions between them. 

"You and I learned to love each other, Arisa" Tae reminded. 

"To be fair, you had already kissed me without realising well before that".

Arisa's quip made the guitarist chuckle as she kissed Arisa’s knuckle, "I stole your first kiss and you stole my first girlfriend, seems fair".

"You just _had_ to say it" Arisa shook her head with a laugh. 

"I did. But, we figured it out, didn't we, sweetheart?" Tae said, "Only by talking it out, figuring out what each wanted and for us, it was Saaya, for her it was us. Thinking back, I can't imagine what I would’ve done when Saaya's mother and your grandparents passed away" the woman added solemnly, "I couldn't have helped either of you the way we managed together, that thought scares me the most". 

"Hey, don't think about that" Arisa chided, eyes furrowed as she gently pressed her forehead against her lover's, "Even if we hadn't ended up together, I know you would have done anything for me and Saaya during then. Honestly, we talk about it now and then that their loss would have been next to impossible to come back from. But we managed, because of you. And Rimi and Kasumi and our friends and family" she reiterated, "But mainly _you_. Have you forgotten how many break downs me and Saaya had between each other?". 

Tae hadn't, her heart aching when she thought back to the grief her lovers were embroiled in, unable to see past the thicket of darkness they had become shrouded in. Everything was heightened around then, including the isolation Saaya and Arisa enmeshed themselves in and the constant vituperative they hurled at each other to get it out of their systems was tempestuous. 

"You were there, supporting us, never leaving our side. It just made me more grateful that you didn't push me away even though you had every right to".

"I could never do that, Arisa" Tae uttered whilst closing her eyes, "I won't ever leave you, nor will Saaya" she added before pulling back again to look at her girlfriend, "Because that is what scares you the most, isn't it? If Sayo-san becomes involved with Saaya, if we were to agree, that she would leave us after believing she doesn't need us anymore?". 

The comment was on the nose, driving into the blonde's fear and ripping it out to the surface. 

Arisa bit the inside of her cheek as she buried her face into the crook of Tae's shoulder, releasing their hands so that could wind them behind Tae's back. 

"You don't think that will happen, O-Tae?". 

Her tone was tremulous, making the guitarist tightened her hold around Arisa's back.

"No" she replied with determination, "Whatever happens with Sayo-san, I know that it won't lead to Saaya leaving us". 

"How can you be so sure about that?". 

"Because this is _Saaya_ we're talking about, Arisa".

The answer might have been simplistic but it hammered the truth of the matter at hand. 

It was exactly what the drummer had repeatedly told them both since the revelation came to light. 

Saaya's ties to Arisa and Tae couldn't simply be undone because there was another potential suitor. 

All it meant was that they'd have to work around this again, figure out where each other stood. 

Where Sayo and Saaya stood with each other. 

Where Sayo, Arisa and Tae would stand 

The complexities of polyamorous relationships were as fragile as a spider's web. 

"I know where you're coming from, I do" Arisa said and played with Tae's hair, "We have to talk with Hikawa-san". 

"It's the only we're going to move past this and I know it is going to be tough but, we need to listen". 

"Just like you did with me and Saaya back then?". 

Tae hummed and kissed the blonde's shoulder, "Exactly. You are the one who spent the most time with Sayo-san since you were on the student council together. Has your opinion of her changed?".

"Well yeah, I didn't know she was capable of loving" Arisa attempted to downplay but Tae saw through it.

"Arisa".

She lowered herself back down on the couch so that they could resume their snuggling, knowing that Arisa had a bit more clarity about the situation. 

Communication would always be integral, this much Arisa understood if they were all to come out of this without losing the other. 

"Uh, fine" the keyboardist sighed and glanced up at the ceiling whilst brushing her fingers through Tae's hair, "I guess a lot has changed, I mean for all of us. I really respected her because she was so level headed, always had a plan. Always wanted to improve and just was grounded".

"Respected? Does that mean you don't anymore".

"No, that's not it" Arisa answered, "I, don't like how she went about this whole thing but I guess she wasn't really thinking, only feeling" she mulled over, " _Just like I did with Saaya_ ". 

"So do you think it'll be worth talking this through, to find out what Sayo-san is really feeling? She's a good person, we can't deny that".

"I suppose so" the blonde mumbled, "To both of those. It's obviously the best way forward from this and we can worry about the other stuff after".

"That's all we can do right now" Tae replied, holding her girlfriend tighter as the impending discussion loomed over them. 

Tae knew it was a large admission for Arisa and slowly but surely, she could remain her usual level headed self when it came to the discussion after the lives. For Saaya's sake, Arisa was quite flexible, changing her usual thoughts if it meant alleviating any pressure for her.

So for the time being, it was a matter of supporting Saaya and Roselia as they embarked in a collaboration that both listeners of the band were waiting for in anticipation.

  
***

  
"I feel like my arms are gonna fall off".

Lisa's statement wasn't exactly an over exaggeration as the rest of the band were just about breathing steady. The brunette slumped to her knees as her bass remained in her arms, not wanting to cause any damage to it but catching her breath might have been worth the external damage.

"Imai-san's not wrong" Sayo commented and wiped the back of her neck with the towel, "I believe this rehearsal matches that of our dress rehearsal".

Yukina couldn’t disagree as her gaze switched from each member, fixating on Saaya as the brunette composed herself.

Her shoulders were glistening under the light of the studio as her black vest clung to various parts of her body due to the exertion, "It sure feels like it" she stated whilst placing her drumsticks down. 

"I agree" Rinko managed and sipped at the bottle of water while flexing the fingers of her other hand.

It was a unanimous agreement that it was definitely time for a break.

"Alright, good work everyone. We really have to make the most of today as tomorrow there will be no group practice. Let's take a break" she instructed whilst pressing her fingers down her throat, "Afterwards, we'll continue with the final set. Is that okay?".

The group agreed and started placing away their instruments, "I feel a tonne lighter" Lisa exhaled when she waved her arms around to loosen the muscles, "Oh, thanks, babe" she said to Rinko when the woman passed her a towel, "Are you okay?" she asked, taking Rinko's hands in hers, assessing her fingers and pressing to relax them.

Rinko appreciated the gesture though was acutely aware of the other pairs of eyes on her which were heating her up much more than she needed.

"I'm okay, Lisa, thank you" she said quietly and sent a shy smile to the brunette whom grinned before pressing her lips against the keyboardist's knuckles.

"You two are _so_ cute" Saaya chuckled whilst standing up and adjusted her clothing.

"We try" Lisa winked back as Sayo smiled, "You know how those keyboardists can get carried away".

"You're telling me, and those guitar players aren't any better when it comes to overworking themselves" Saaya joked, not even attempting to hide her teasing jab at Sayo who stumbled over her words at her defence.

"I have no idea what you are referring to" Sayo stated and placed her guitar on its stand, a light blush appearing on her cheeks.

In truth, she was relieved that they could still tease each other that way. 

Saaya merely chuckled at the woman's demure antics as Lisa and Rinko made their way out of the room, Yukina stating she was just going to be on the phone to Aya.

It gave Saaya the opportunity to get Sayo alone as she motioned for the balcony, "Do you mind if we step out for a bit?".

"Not at all" Sayo replied, not minding the cold weather as it helped to reinvigorate her for the rest of the practice session.

That, and Sayo was curious as to what Saaya wanted to discuss and the brunette definitely had something to talk about if Tae and Arisa had mentioned that they'd spent time with each other during the day. 

The guitarist was still mulling over those conversations and the fact that they actually _could_ converse without anything escalating.

They excused themselves as Lisa collapsed back onto the couch and Rinko followed suit, finding herself with her back pressed against the brunette's chest and her arms wound around her waist. 

Their gaze remained on Sayo and Saaya until they slipped out and closed the door behind them where their figures could no longer be seen from that angle anymore. 

Lisa hummed in wonder as Rinko voiced her concerns.

"Will they be okay?". 

"I think so, I mean they got the worst of it out of the way and have managed to remain in the same room together without too much awkwardness" Lisa noted and rested her chin on Rinko's shoulder, "But you know how Sayo is, she is most likely hiding what she's actually feeling, for Saaya's sake".

The keyboardist agreed as she pressed her cheek over Lisa's, enjoying the feeling of her calming heartbeat on her back as she rested her arms over Lisa's. The encounter with Sayo, Tae and Arisa was fresh in her mind, the hurt emanating from all women involved. 

It truly was miraculous that it hadn't hindered the scheduled performances.

"Don't worry about it too much, Rinko" Lisa soothed and kissed the woman's cheek, resting there whilst feeling her relax in her arms, "The one thing they have in their favour is that they are both sensible, you know? I think it'll help in terms of getting through the lives and after".

"What about Ichigaya-san and Hanazono-san?".

"Hm, well that's a different story but from what Saaya has told me, they've calmed down a little" Lisa divulged, "Until after the shows, they'll also be on edge too. I can't imagine it has been easy for them knowing that Saaya is here even if Sayo doesn't intend on acting up again. It's still an uncomfortable situation they have all been placed in".

"They're doing the best they can for Saaya-san's sake" Rinko deduced, gliding her fingers up Lisa's arm that was bare, "Lisa, do you think Saaya-san's presence is good for Hikawa-san?".

The brunette chuckled as Rinko's eyes found hers and she couldn't resist kissing her girlfriend's lips before answering, savouring the gentle moment, "You know I do, Saaya is good for anyone's soul. I do hope they can remain friends at the very least ".

"I hope so too" Rinko agreed, brushing her lips over Lisa's again and getting addicted to the woman's aura.

She could only hope that all of their friends came out unscathed, including Arisa and Tae which was a complex situation in its own regard. 

But all they could do now was wait till after the lives to see what the future held for the duo outside of the balcony.

The night sky proved to be soothing for the two women who were in the midst of a comfortable stretch of silence.

Sayo had taken a seat on the chair in front of Saaya who was adjacent to her.

"Is there something on your mind?" Sayo asked before backtracking, "Well, I mean there is bound to be an abundance but, something in particular?". 

Saaya hummed as the light breeze whipped her fringe to the side, "O-Tae and Arisa mentioned they had spent some time with you. How are you feeling?".

"Thankful that I can still use my hands and they kept the excoriating to a minimum" Sayo managed to tease, "Ichigaya-san had an admirable amount of self-restraint".

The drummer laughed softly, "That she does. Though I do think her urge to harm you had lessened by the time you bumped into each other".

"I believe that is down to you" Sayo said and held the woman's gaze and Saaya wondered if Arisa had mentioned their chat, "I've caused nothing but trouble for you and you still defend me to your lovers. I don't deserve that".

"Sayo.." Saaya said, her voice tired and her eyes so vulnerable that Sayo gasped slightly. 

There was something different in Saaya's countenance, something Sayo hadn't noticed before but that was probably because the woman was concealing it.

The lassitude was palpable, along with something else, _"Confusion, maybe_?" Sayo thought to herself.

Her mind hadn't let go of the conversation they'd had on the phone the day Arisa had confronted her. She recalled her own words to Saaya and how she reacted to them, not necessarily pushing her away. It had stuck with the guitarist and she wondered if this had something to do with Saaya's behaviour now. It was another thing she added to the list to chide herself for: making a pass at her even if it wasn't in a direct way. 

"I'm sorry" Sayo instead said when Saaya offered a tired, smile, "I, I'm being selfish again".

"No, it's not that" Saaya shook her head, "It has been a rough week for us all and I'm still trying to process a few things. But if anything, I'm glad.." Saaya continued, "That you had a chance to talk to O-Tae and Arisa. I feel like they got to experience some of the feeling's that I get from being around you and why you kissed me".

"Experience" Sayo repeated, "In what sense?".

Saaya looked away for a second before meeting the green eyes peering at her curiously, "About why I have an understanding with you, about why it.." she trailed off, trying to gather her thoughts again, "It doesn't matter actually. I don't really know what I am trying to say but you didn't answer my question properly, are you okay?" she instead asked.

The guitarist opted to let whatever Saaya wanted to say slide in a bid to not pressure her anymore so she answered as honestly as she could be since that is what Saaya wanted, "I'm feeling..content" she replied, "You're _here_ , despite everything that has occurred, you are still here".

She made sure to underline the undertones of that with her expression, about how she was relieved that Saaya was still with her and the brunette had picked up on that clearly enough. She nodded and offered the woman a smile that made Sayo wither like a crumpled rose because it was too alluring.

The words were on the tip of her tongue, wanting to compliment the drummer but she couldn't overstep her boundaries anymore than she already had. Her temerity had been depicted enough given what she has done already so Sayo forced herself to regain some control. 

"I'm happy to hear so" Saaya responded earnestly, "I know it hasn't been easy on you, more than anyone. O-Tae and Arisa could see it" she mentioned. 

"I feel like there was a lot to be discussed in terms of me speaking with them".

"There was. There was a lot of talking and arguing and making up" Saaya admitted, her eyes glancing to the side and into Roselia's apartment, "And don't apologise" she added quickly when she saw Sayo's forlorn expression, "In some ways, it needed to happen and strengthen us even more so because of all of us not knowing how this will go".

"Be that as it may, I am apologetic about the stress I have caused you all" Sayo reiterated, her fingers itching to reach out and hold Saaya.

Saaya noticed the action and chuckled to herself. 

It was like Sayo's inner Tae and Arisa were fighting for control.

One with an aversion to touch, the other overtly comfortable.

Sayo truly was a blend of both and it must have been an abstruse hell in her mind. 

Saaya knew that that was why her own thoughts were waning, because she was well versed in loving two women like Sayo. 

"You said you didn't regret it, kissing me..and that you wanted me with you".

Saaya toyed with her fingers as she watched the other woman, knowing that it was an portentous thing to bring up right now but her discussions with Arisa and Tae came up in regards to her own feelings towards Sayo. 

Since it was clear there was an attraction to her now and ran both ways. 

"I don't, Saaya. I don't regret kissing you and I do want you with me" Sayo replied adamantly, "What I do regret is the mess I've created for and I know it is counterintuitive to say that all things considering. But I don't, I cannot regret what I _feel_ for you" she added, "It is a paradox, I know, but feelings are never black and white are they" she scoffed. 

"Isn't that the truth" the brunette agreed and took in a deeper breath, the chilling air surrounding her, "But right now, we just have to figure it out together, right?" .

"Together?" Sayo repeated, a glimmer of hope forming in her heart, making it race at the insinuation, " _What could she mean..?_ ".

"That's right. After the lives, we can work out where we go from there. O-Tae and Arisa too" Saaya answered and stood up to walk towards the barrier of the balcony, "I don't think there isn't a reason why we can't get through this together. Even if things are out of place now, we just have to take the time without being under pressure, talk it through" she mused as an afterthought, " _Just like before"._

"I see" Sayo replied, noting that Saaya had quietened down on certain aspects, like she was skirting around it, "As I said, I just want to make this easier for you". 

"I know, I appreciate it" Saaya' said, her voice almost being cancelled out by the wind as her eyes roamed around the town beneath them.

It was always the case, even before Sayo admitted her feelings. 

She had gone the extra mile to ensure her comfort when joining the band and beyond. 

Be it through calls or text or visits, Sayo was making the effort in putting her at ease and it was something Saaya was getting the true extent of her feelings now.

Arisa and Tae had already noticed, more so when they spoke to Sayo.

Saaya had tried to conceal the lingering thoughts fluttering at the edge of her mind regarding the guitarist but all of it was laid bare now after the week that had gone by. She could feel Sayo's eyes watching her, trying to figure out whether she should approach her and comfort her.

Saaya wished the woman would do so.

Her hidden wish was answered as her heart crawled in her throat when she heard shuffling behind her, "Sayo?".

Saaya turned around to find Sayo closer to her, body language in a myriad of confusion as she wondered how to proceed. 

It was endearing for the brunette, to see the multitude of expressions hover over Sayo's face, just like a certain blonde she loved. She waited to see if Sayo would act, reach out just as desperately as Saaya wanted to. 

"Would it be okay if I, I hugged you?" Sayo asked quietly, an evident flush on her cheeks, "You seem to need one but I could be wrong. I mean I don't mean to speculate but if you need me for _anything_ , I am happy to-".

Saaya was pressed against her before Sayo's rambling could continue.

As if it was second nature to her, Sayo's arms curled around the brunette's waist as Saaya's hands went around her neck. 

It was intimate, neither could deny that.

Sayo's brain was jumping through numerous hurdles as she sunk into the feeling of Saaya's body against her, sighing like it was a breath she had been holding since the last time she touched her.

The drummer in turn was trying to tiptoe around her emotions while she snuggled up against the taller woman's neck, feeling her lips caress her bare shoulder and she couldn't help but to clutch onto Sayo's plum coloured top from the back.

 _Something_ had changed, they both could feel it.

In the stillness of the evening as the haunting breeze brushed around them, Saaya and Sayo could feel the dynamics of their relationship shift.

They didn't think about it at that moment, opting to savour the experience as Saaya did need the hug.

From Sayo. 

Her emotions were a hopscotch, clashing against each other violently.

So she drowned in the comfort of Sayo's arms which kept her in place as the woman's hand moved up to nestled over the curve of her spine. Sayo pressed down gently to remind Saaya that she was there, that she didn't have to push herself into making any decisions right now and nor did she. They didn't have to say anything as their bodies conveyed everything. 

From Saaya's affection towards Sayo. 

For Sayo's adoration for Saaya. 

It was glaring.

The lambent spark between them, colliding into one.

A collision that neither could refute and both Sayo and Saaya had tried to stifle their attraction.

Desperately had they attempted to shove the teetering emotions away but it became increasingly difficult with every altercation they had with each other.

Closing her eyes, Saaya nestled against the woman as Sayo did the same. 

The guitarist relished in the feeling of having Saaya in her arms like so, even if it was meant to be platonic.

But in the back of her mind, she knew it had become more than that.

For both of them and it was only a matter of time before they got to see whether Tae and Arisa could reshape the puzzle of their lives, fitting together beautifully. 

Or become discarded.


	14. A Sound For Four

* * *

The night of the first performance had arrived.

It still felt illusory for Saaya whom was sat in the green room, hands balled together as apprehension began settling in.

She could hear the hubbub from outside of the room, organisation of the lives as tight knit as possible and it further worried her that she might hinder the shows even though she had worked diligently in ironing out any foibles in her playing. The pressure was mounting and taking deep breaths wasn't aiding her and the woman couldn't recall the last time she felt this nervous for a performance as it had been some time.

The nerves were always there, in any performance but for it to be building to _this_ extent was troubling.

She jumped slightly when she felt a hand press over her shoulder and she turned to see Lisa's comforting eyes sooth her.

"You've got nothing to worry about, Saaya, you've got this" she said with nothing but honesty.

Th other members of Roselia had joined her again to see that Saaya had worked herself up and they could understand why she was dredged with trepidation.

"Saaya, you have worked incredibly hard for this and it has shown in every practice session" Yukina stated whilst stood in front of the drummer across the table, "We as Roselia, have our utmost faith in you that you will succeed".

"Yukina, you're making her even more nervous with that kinda pressure" Lisa groaned.

The vocalist realised her slight error in the appreciative yet weak smile Saaya was giving her.

"No it's fine really. I think" Saaya chuckled as she caught Sayo's pensive stare from the other side of the vocalist, "I appreciate you saying that and for you all to trust me with this task to begin with. I..I guess I really don't want to screw up".

Rinko piped up and offered the woman a comforting smile from Lisa's side, "It's natural to be nervous, remember?" she pointed out, hoping Saaya would recall the conversation they had during the first fitting of her outfit, "Performing with you has been such a wonderful experience, Saaya-san. Ako has faith in you too so don't worry".

"Exactly!" Lisa grinned and swung her arm behind Saaya's shoulder and pulled her in, "Just have fun! They say if you enjoy what you do, everything else falls into place, you know? We've worked hard for this and I know the crowd will see that, right, Sayo?".

The guitarist nodded, her arms folded against her chest as she met the blue eyes trembling slightly with fear.

As much as Saaya had taken to the encouragement from the other band members, there was still a lingering doubt present in Saaya's countenance and it pained the woman to see it knowing how well the drummer could perform. She knew it wasn't just the pressure of the lives, but the situation regarding them and again, a sharp pain shot up Sayo's chest, knowing of the predicament she had placed the gentle drummer in.

She knew she had to appease Saaya somehow, provide some sort of succour, _anything_ to remind her that she was at peak form for performing and that what happened after these three lives could wait.

"May I have a word with Yamabuki-san?" she asked Yukina.

Yukina seemed quite cautious of the request since the delicate situation between the two was still on thin ice and Sayo could see the uncertainty.

"I won't be saying or doing anything to throw her off, Minato-san, if that is what you are assuming. Would that be okay, Yamabuki-san?".

"It's okay" Saaya said as well and smiled at the duo, "I'd like to talk to you too".

Yukina turned to see Lisa and Rinko's expression, wondering how they felt about it and the couple's slight nod gave what their thoughts were away.

They knew if there was someone at this point that could appease Saaya's doubt, other than Tae and Arisa, it was Sayo.

"Very well" Yukina resigned, "We don't have long so please keep the time in mind".

With that, she, Lisa and Rinko moved away to the other side of the room as Sayo then took a seat next to the brunette.

"Do _you_ feel nervous anymore, Sayo?" Saaya asked, her eyes staring ahead.

"Yes, there always will be a certain degree of nerves that clouds me prior to an event" Sayo answered, "It's natural regardless of how long one has been performing. Saaya, I believe you will exceed with us. That isn't me saying so due to my bias towards you, it is simply a fact" she said and caught the woman's eyes, "Believe in your abilities and the audience will too".

Sayo's earnest expression was warming Saaya up along with the words she was uttering. She knew it was a struggle for the guitarist too, this whole predicament was but right now, professional Sayo was in the front line. 

It was a side of Sayo that often made the drummer's breath hitch in her throat.

Many times during their rehearsals did she linger her eyes over Sayo's form to see the woman in her element, broody yet passionate, inviting yet reserved.

It was that level which bolstered not only Sayo but the rest of Roselia too and they had entrusted her to follow in those similar footsteps.

If they had faith in her, she needed to believe in herself.

Saaya smiled, "Your pep talks are getting better".

Sayo appeared offended for a second but she was relieved that Saaya's teasing had finally returned so she couldn't be that mad, "W-well, I believe I am simply being honest, more so to exhort you whenever you require so. I hope it is better late than never".

"You're right about that" Saaya agreed and took in a quick breath, basking in Sayo's solid presence, "Thank you, Sayo. Not just for this but for everything".

"I'm finding it hard to believe that since I've done nothing but-". 

"Sayo" Saaya pleaded, voice above a whisper as her eyes bore into the endless greens of Sayo's, "Don't finish that sentence".

"You can't deny that there is _some_ truth in it".

"Maybe, it doesn't mean it is a bad thing" Saaya answered easily, her fingers drumming against her lap, "No matter what happens after these performances, I don't regret the experience. Or getting close to you".

It took everything in Sayo to remain planted on the couch and not take the brunette into her arms, to dissimulate her honest thoughts. She had to physically fight the urge as any hopefulness from Saaya was infectious, spreading within her.

Despite the hurdles that awaited them, Sayo too was grateful of having had the chance to immerse herself into Poppin'Party's kind-hearted drummer.

"The sentiments are mutual, Saaya" the guitarist replied and tentatively placed a hand over Saaya's twitching ones on her lap.

The contact felt euphoric and she could see the same reaction in the brunette, their eyes holding a warmth they yielded to each other.

Sayo continued whilst resting her fingertips that were nestled over Saaya's wrist, "Regardless of the outcome, it will have been an honour to have performed with you. I hope you remember that" she said in a low voice for only the brunette to hear, "It is something I will hold dear, along with what I feel for you"

Saaya bit the inside of her cheek at the sincerity of Sayo's words, her touch blazing the kinds of trails Arisa's and Tae's did, "Why does it feel like you've already made a decision to leave me? ".

Sayo chuckled in a rich tone that made the woman next to her quiver, "Not at all. I am preparing for the worst, is all" she divulged, "As I am now preparing for the best. To perform with you, so do not worry what will come. Only immerse yourself into giving the audience a night that they'll cease to forget. Much like I won't with you".

"You're being so unfair again" Saaya managed a smile, her eyes roaming over the woman's resplendent features before placing her other hand above Sayo's.

"Well, I have been learning from the best" Sayo refuted with a coy smirk, "I do mean it, Saaya, no matter what decisions we make, know that these past few months have been eye opening for me. After Tsugumi, I had been rendered immobile to even entertain the idea of feeling like this again but I was wrong. _You_ made me realise that".

The drummer couldn't take it anymore and engulfed Sayo into a tight embrace, her arms winding behind Sayo's back till her chin was resting on her shoulder in an effort to not disturb their outfits too much.

"Sayo..".

It was the only thing uttered as she soaked in Sayo's embrace when the woman covered her body, arms pressed firmly against her waist as her hand snuck up to run through the loose brunette locks.

A part of Saaya had been assuaged, the part that was nervous about their live but what was to come after was going to be on her mind.

She had talked to Arisa and Tae about it, garnering how they felt and truly, there seemed to be only one way this was going to go.

So she held onto Sayo, inhaling the woman's comforting scent, feeling her own body being covered and hearing her say her name again.

It was inevitable.

What was to come for the two musicians.

The PA system signalled to the audience that the show would begin soon and not long after, a member of staff walked in to inform Roselia.

With the warm up band done, it was Roselia's turn to take on the stage.

Sayo and Saaya glanced at each other, a smile creeping over the lips as they readied themselves for what was sure to be a spectacular performance.

Because right now, Roselia's talents were sought after. 

Everything else had to wait. 

The moment they stepped onto stage, it would be the beginning of something.

Whether that would entail the end of their relationship or not, neither didn’t know.

***

An influx of lights were illuminating the tenebrous interior of the venue as the members of Roselia prepared themselves after Yukina's introduction.

A quietude had settled, a silence loitering as the audiences excitement was palpable now.

The intimate show wasn't something that often happened now given how well Roselia's lives sold so each person could barely risk blinking as they took in the spectacle of what was to come.

Having Poppin'Party's imitable drummer to fill in for Ako was another rare sight so the audience both consisted of Roselia and Poppin'Party fans, along with others that had come to find solace in both sounds.

This unique blend would prove to be something worth holding one's breath for and luckily for the audience, they didn't have to wait any longer.

So as soon as opening notes and vocals to 'Oneness' began, the room was ablaze with perfervid cheer as the band was harmoniously in synch in terms of the lyrics.

" _To those with soaring pulses whom the heart calls_  
 _Those who have gathered here, We are..._  
 _Only those with unshakable convictions_ " 

It amped up the crowd further as the first chords of Sayo's guitar struck, heavy and abounding, followed by Saaya's speedy procession of the drums setting the cadence.

They were flawlessly in synchronisation, Sayo following Saaya, Saaya resonating with Sayo as the cornucopia of all their sounds knit together once Rinko and Lisa's parts kicked in with Yukina's powerful vocals.

The crowd was rapturous as they moved with the music coursing through them, their cheers reaching a crescendo and it was hardly a minute into the first song of the set.

Some of the cheers were bellowed from Tae, Arisa, Rimi and Kasumi who were on the balcony with a clear view of the group and they were joined by the rest of the bands that they had met in school, all of them present to support Roselia as much as they could.

They were already blown away by the sight of Roselia and Saaya in synch as they performed with everything they had, the months of rehearsing easily notable as they rocked the crowd.

Tae and Arisa were entranced by the way Saaya had taken control of the drums, her energy being poured into it as the smile, _that_ smile that captivated them both kept shining.

It was as if Ako was being channelled by her since the younger drummer also tended to have a smile whilst performing too.

It was hypnotic, watching their lover handle the drums in ways that shouldn't be natural, normal and yet that was exactly what was happening.

Saaya was providing the rhythm for everyone to follow, the verve in her playing tactile. 

She was in her element as the exertion and excitement was palpable on her irresistible features.

She was radiant, like she _belonged_ there.

As much as Arisa and Tae wanted to feel unnerved by it, they couldn't.

They were so proud of her.

All of the agonising occurrences that had come to be did little to hinder the woman's skills as she continued playing away in an otherworldly manner. 

And Sayo, they'd never seen Sayo the way she was now. 

Even the crowd was mesmerised by the talented guitarist whom was on fire, her fingers flying up her fret board in an effervescent manner but that was the norm.

Sayo's riveting playing was what made her sought after, why troves of fans flocked the venue whenever Roselia were playing.

One couldn't help but to get lost in the way she took her guitar on a journey, her performance far more energetic than it ever had been.

Her voice boomed along with Yukina's, both harmonious as they continued put their hearts into the song.

_"Let’s go together, towards the end._   
_Put it all on the line, embrace your resolve!"._

Her green eyes practically shone as she and Lisa sang together, her serious yet jovial expression mesmeric.

The spectator's became wild, lively cheers filtering in as the sound structure of 'Oneness' continued to amp them up for the night.

Rinko's flawless playing was on par as well, the shimmer on her skin flouting just how much fun she was having despite her reserved nature. 

She virtually became one with her band, following them all, adding in the beautiful accents of the high octane song with her deft fingers wreaking controlled havoc over the keys. 

Lisa turned on her heel, shooting her lover a wink before continuing to provide the zestful texture that was the bass, livening up the piece that much more. She too was in ecstasy, delighted at how well she could bounce off of Saaya's pace with ease which made the transition from each part of the song clean, concise, robust.

All in all, the way the band had come together despite the difference in their drummer did little to hinder the flawless performance and Yukina was in her element, arms stretched out as she belted her proficient vocals that seemed to cover every surface of the stage.

She wanted do burrow into the audiences mind, make them _feel_ what they felt. 

_"The passion we're displaying exceeds our bonds._

_he smiles that fell on our faces, no matter how many times we feel it._

_The proof that we're still drawing breath is towards our oneness"._

The arduous hours of practice, the tears of balancing their personal and professional lives, the devotion; she wanted her listeners to know it and believe that what they were doing was their best.

Which is exactly what all the spectators saw, including Arisa and Tae whom were in awe. 

The break came to and Saaya took the chance to catch her breath before going right into the cadence of the song again, but not before meeting the eyes of the three woman she adored. 

The glare in her cerulean blues ricocheted off the stage lights when she lifted her face up to the direction of Tae and Arisa, her lovers feeling their breath shudder as the sheer impassion in her eyes became amplified. 

Even whilst in the midst of performing like everything was resting on it, Saaya would take whatever opportunity she could take to let the women know that _she_ knew, she could feel their support and she was grateful for it.

Then there was Sayo.

The guitarist had turned around to go up closer to her as she continued playing with ease, not a misstep or losing her pace as she smiled at Saaya.

Their eyes locked, faces slick with light perspiration as their mutual feelings and understandings registered in that look alone.

This was what it was about, _oneness_.

A prospect of them all working it out together as one.

It was against the norm, Sayo knew that, as did Saaya, Tae and Arisa.

Perhaps there was some clarity in that which could be offered into their predicament since the performance was guiding them.

Sayo retuned to her place as the final parts of the song came to be, the crowds cheering till the room was rife with the sounds of Sayo's final guitar intonation, followed by Saaya's rhythmic drumming, blending with Lisa's reverberating bass and Rinko's startling synth till it came to a halt. 

And that was how the rest of the first night would go as the applause was riveting, the audience ready for the second song.

  
Saturday night's performance followed the similar pace set by the band from the previous night. 

The energy was just as infectious. 

Nobody could get enough.

The crowd chanting encore at the top of their lungs so with Yukina's nod, that is exactly what they gave them. 

As exhausted as they were from the second day live, the fact that the audience was craving their sounds, their tone, their essence refuelled the band's energy as they began the additional song, opting to go with the 'Miiro' acover from Kantai Collection.

Clearly it was a wondrous selection since the cheers from the audience were trebled once they all got started, each women in tune to provide the best experience for not just the audience, but for themselves. 

Yukina's controlled vocals were dreamlike yet cogent, boasting the lyrics of the song and the meaning behind it.

_"Even in darkness I remember, I'll move on, just watch me"._

Lyrics which hit Sayo square in the heart because it _could_ happen. 

The feasibility to move on was there, it just took a lot of pain and anguish to carry out the move part but at the end, it was worth it, especially when she glanced back at Saaya. 

_"Admiration, Embarking, Future"._

Saaya knew what the woman was thinking as Yukina continued to sing out, unflappable.

_"Despair, Loss, Separation"._

She felt it as deeply as the other woman did. 

_"Escape the endless sea of sadness"._

Which is exactly what Sayo could do, if she allowed her heart to be a tad more open in terms of Arisa and Tae.

Saaya knew that the truth of that was almost selfish, to want for all of them but the possibility was there as she picked up the rhythm once the song went into the breakdown. 

_"And even if the entire world drowns in the colour of the sea, I'm sure I'll hear your voice, 'It'll be fine, let's go home'"._

Lyrics which pierced Arisa and Tae as they opted to get a place at the front of the stage as opposed to the balcony from the previous night.

There was something even more intimate now, watching the band give their all, observing Sayo and Saaya interact with their eyes which always, _always_ searched for them after. 

Sayo played on as she continued to strum her guitar whilst watching the way Saaya's lovers keep their gaze on her.

In hindsight, she knew what had to be done if there ever was to be an opportunity for her and Saaya to even have a chance at exploring what they had. She was aware of how out of her comfort zone it might have been but still, it was the glimmer of a spark that made her hope, dream, that Arisa and Tae would take this into account.

Think of what could be should they all proceed on this journey together.

_"And even if the entire world stands against us, I'll still look straight ahead with you"._

Tae felt Arisa's hand squeeze in her own at the implication of the words, more since both Sayo and Saaya had drifted their eyes to them, then sweeping over the audience that was in a friendly way now. 

The mesmeric cover, the fusion of Roselia's sound with the original created a sound that was exquisite.

The small blonde looked up at Tae, wondering what the other woman thought of the intimacy behind those words, knowing that it carried a different meaning to the one that the audience was most likely hearing.

Could they do that, stand against the world?

All _four_ of them, with Saaya being the anchor that kept them grounded, steady, safe.

The song transitioned into the break, Saaya's cymbals clashing away as Sayo's guitar increased the ante, the strings of her fret pulled to the hilt as her fingers guided her pick to create the notes that would fuel the following part.

The lights ahead shifted into a more erratic cadence before settling onto Yukina, both hands clenched around the microphone as the poignant lyrics of the break swept over like a wave over the famished crowd.

Arisa and Tae felt like they were being washed away, drowning in the sounds of the band, their lover doing everything she could to incorporate how much they'd ride out the worst of the aftermath together, no matter what happened.

They could see it in Saaya's eyes, the ferocity behind them despite her face appearing gentle, the slight breathlessness evident as her hands brought down her drum sticks in the same emotion as Lisa's base pulsed in the background. 

_"'It'll be fine, let's go home' you say but.."._

Saaya put everything into her actions as she saw the way Arisa and Tae were looking at her, lips parted, their free hands squeezing the barricade.

_"'Don't worry, we can change' but right now.."_

Sayo's form flexed under the stage lights, feeling the gaze of all three women as she simmered in understanding of those words.

_"'We're moving ahead, we can do this' but still.."._

Could they move ahead, could they still do this?

Those were the thoughts for the two women in the audience, watching the stage become alight with a cacophony of Roselia's colours. 

_"All of it is a lie, it ends with this"._

They can't tell who's voice it is but the breathless and airy, _"That's wrong!"_ hits them.

It doesn't have to be a lie, it could work out, as long as they did it together. 

The noise of the audience brought the duo back from their voiceless conversation with Sayo and Saaya as they erupted onto the final part of the song, the lyrics continuously sweeping the place.

Saaya smiled, breathing between the switch of the high octane drumming and the slightly mellow pace, the brief moment of respite being enough, knowing that _this_ could be real

Nobody else needed to become submerged into the pain Sayo had once befallen in 

Or how Arisa did.

And how Tae did too.

There was an out if they searched for it together.

Before they knew it, the song came to a steady halt as the room was once again alive with ecstatic cheers, encore being yelled out once again.

So they proceeded, one final track to close the second evening off.

  
The final night of the live was underway.

Roselia were in the midst of finishing another cover, 'Bad Apple!!' this time, something to ease the crowd into the final song of the night.

As enervated as the members were, the thrill they received from performing helped to relax them in ways that rest couldn't.

Looking at each woman, one could tell how enamoured they were with what they do, an ebullient glow from them all.

No matter how many shows they carried out, that feeling of complete bliss each woman received from performing could never be dulled.

For the drummer in particular, to be able to experience this side with Roselia was something she could not have dreamt of occurring, and yet it had.

The joy on her expression as she performed her part, keeping the rhythm steady was noticeable in each movement of her wrist and hands.

It was a toned down performance, just enough to get the crowd pumped before they finished off.

It still felt surreal to the brunette, that _this_ feeling, this opportunity of performing with Roselia had come to be and it reminded her to thank Ako and Tomoe again for giving her a slight nudge into accepting the offer. 

In another universe, be it in an alternative one or one hidden behind a barrier could she have hoped of acquiring much more than she had done.

Of course, it was messy, it was going to be considering her relationship with Arisa and Tae and the involvement with Sayo had clearly catapulted the tension beyond the stratosphere.

But Saaya enjoyed the feeling, enjoyed having Sayo around and she knew in her heart that Tae and Arisa could see _why_ she had fallen for the woman. All that would happen now was to see if whether Sayo would remain as friends should Arisa and Tae reject the possibility of Saaya dating Sayo.

Or, perhaps it'd construct a bridge being built that lead to each other, all four of them.

She would just have to wait and see as she spotted her lovers again, the duo waving and cheering them on as the final song was presented.

It was going to be 'Unions Road'.

The dramatic flair of the intro took over as the stage lights dimmed to a more intimate and cosy level.

Rinko's precision on her keyboard built up the ephemeral feel of the song as the other members readied themselves for the jump, hoping that it'd be the most fulfilling way to end the trifecta of events they had held.

They had made memories, bonds and much more.

This would be the final way to showcase just how strong they had been performing, even with the exclusion of their original drummer because all it proved was that if a person's heart, mind and skills were into it, then _anything_ was possible.

Saaya's drums began their part as she matched Rinko's pace with the accents of the song, her grip on her sticks loose but firm as the reverberation from her equipment seeped into her body, the exhilaration coursing as her mind readied itself not just for this performance, but what was going to occur after.

Between the women she loved, and a woman she was in the midst of falling in love with. 

Yukina's languid and gorgeous vocals paved the way, the sweeping motion of her body encompassing the aura of the track as she beckoned the audience to fall with her, into the future.

_"Take one step after another, this is how we will create our future. Each moment that is born may be fleeting and fragile but they will come to be something strong"._

Saaya truly believed that, she hoped Sayo, Arisa and Tae did to.

Taking over Ako's vocal part, Saaya sung with Rinko, their voices complimenting each other in ways nobody would have expected.

The throatiness and depth of Rinko's voice matched the passionate yet delicate tone of Saaya's, a perfect blend of an opposing scale.

_"Adorned in a mix of promises"._

Promises she had made to Arisa, to Tae and now, to Sayo.

She hoped her words were stirring Sayo as much as they were her other two lovers in front of the stage again, soaking in the rhythmic pulses of Saaya's drums melding with the rich bass.

Yukina serenaded them all into the chorus, the audience swaying on their feet at the way she switched from tender to powerful and they all obtained goose bumps.

_"You will become the place I return home to"._

Because at the end of this, Saaya's home were the two women rooting for them from the audience. 

And Sayo, Sayo just happened to manage to integrate herself into her humble abode because she was so in tune with her, so on the same pace, as if she had been a fixture in Saaya's life for as long as she had known her.

A shiver ran up Sayo's spine, not unlike she hadn't experienced before whilst performing but this was sudden, this was hearing Saaya's voice, hearing about the light going out but never for too long.

She couldn't help but to turn the drummer's way, her pick never losing its pace thanks to the steadiness of her muse's beats leading her, being a bright yellow light, protecting her as opposed to hiding her.

Sayo was just like the night after all, her name the embodiment of it and her life following its path, always in the dark.

Her guitar gave her a spark, Tsugumi aided in making it flourish and giving Sayo a sense of reprieve, only to have poured the coldest of air over to stifle it. 

But it was _back_ , under the careful guidance and company of the woman giving her everything to ensure that these performances were as successful as usual, no, even better. 

_"Let our unshakable love shine in the dark. We're going on with that infallible power"._

They'd always been on the same page since they became closer, even prior to that from what Sayo could recall.

So to see Saaya mouth Yukina's words almost made her waver.

The instrumental break helped to cement the bond between them as Rinko's heavenly chords struck a light, blues meeting greens in adoration and longing.

The moment was beautiful, one that should have been forged in history.

Soon, all five women were in unison with each other as the ethereal backing sounds accompanied their transcending voices.

The audience were in awe, simmering in the sights and sounds that they'd been cocooned in.

Arisa and Tae too were captivated in the way Roselia were glowing, forming together as one despite that addition of a drummer from another band. 

Then again, Roselia were about integrating a range of sounds when necessary, when change required it. 

Roses and Camellias had different properties, properties that could give way to a specimen of the most enthralling flower to exist, a combination of the north and the east. 

Which is what was happening on that stage as they all sang together, the cadence of Saaya's drums providing the perfect sound scape to carry their voices, strike after strike, building the pace.

Sayo's electrifying riff provided that cutting edge, that fixture needed to add to the energetic gravitas behind the song, her pick working in a steady yet stentorian manner. 

Rinko's deft fingers travelled over her keyboard, producing such a majestic sound that one wondered whether it was possible to hear something that heavenly as the tremolo of the notes floated through. 

Lisa's pace could be felt within ones body as she navigated the susurration her strings were delivering with a range of depth which brought the track alive, each section of her strong fingers strumming the coaxing chords. 

It led to Sayo enhancing the limelight as she flew into the swing of the next section of the riffs on her guitar whilst aligning with the rest of the band. Her heart felt heavy, mind light as she became imbued in the wondrous feeling of performing with a band she had loved.

That band provided her with something she couldn't have amassed happening after Tsugumi in the form of Saaya.

It was evocative.

The duets just amplified that feeling.

Saaya and Rinko singing in something so mesmeric, so raw with their voices.

_"I've resolved to protect to the end"._

_That precious scenery of sounds"._

Lisa and Sayo's voiced harmonised in ways unimaginable, the tone just melding in perfectly.

_"Pass you, taking one step at a time"._

Rinko and Saaya sang again, enunciating how the latter's words were meant to be taken.

_"But fear nothing, if we know how to walk them"._

All of it coming together for Yukina's final exertion of her voice which carried beyond the venue, a riveting crescendo. 

_"This we do!"._

A rapturous applause followed the final notes as the band all joined together at the front of the stage.

This was it, they'd achieved what was set out once Saaya had joined them. 

Three consecutive performances that would leave their mark on those that had witnessed this spectacular event. 

It was over. 

***

  
The audience was in the midst of making their way out after Roselia had seen all the supporting bands off.

Yukina was in the middle of chatting with the members of Morfonica before bidding them goodnight and making her way back to the green room where the rest of her band was, unwinding.

As expected, a few of the other band members were there, congratulations wafting around the room and the lead vocalists felt her heart swell with pride at what they had managed to achieve.

They'd come a long away from the beginning, a journey she would be willing to take again if it meant that _this_ right here, was the remnants of the strenuous path.

She was brought out of musings when Aya cut through the group of friends and Yukina readied herself for the incoming glonp from the other woman.

Some things did not change and she smiled to herself as Aya threw herself over her, expressing her amazement at the show, how proud she was of her girlfriend. 

Chisato wanted to try and pry her friend off of Yukina to give her some breathing space but she knew it would be fruitless so she stood back with Kanon and chuckled under her breath.

It didn't seem like Yukina wasn't enjoying it anyway.

A similar scene was ongoing where Sayo was stood, Hina practically hanging off of her arm as she expressed her excitement for her sister, much to the woman's feigned chagrin as Lisa and Rinko were giddy and laughing along. Luckily, there wasn't as much boppin or zappin as there used to be but some certainly slipped in, causing Sayo to conceal a grin, delighted that her sister was as enthusiastic as ever.

In the midst of trying to steady herself, her eyes landed on Saaya, surrounded with her band, a clingy Kasumi around her.

Saaya was laughing with mirth as the others watched in at the antics. The brunette was clearly more used to this behaviour so she took it in stride before Rimi tugged Kasumi away so that Tae and Arisa could have a moment with their girlfriend.

She wanted to look away but her eyes were drawn to the three.

Arisa's face was flushed as she hugged Saaya tightly, arms wound around her neck, whispering a multitude of what Sayo assumed to be praise of how well Saaya did.

Tae sealed their circle and embraced the two woman, placing a kiss against Saaya's temple and remained there, eyes alight with so much love that it was heart-warming.

Saaya deserved it, deserved this all and as much as a part of Sayo ached that she couldn't hold her like that, most of her was just content at having had this opportunity.

She hadn't realised she had been staring at the women for a while before she felt Lisa's voice in her ear, making her jump slightly, "Go" she urged.

Sayo didn't get a chance to refute it as she was gently pushed into the direction of the trio, an awkward stumble given the push but she quickly regained her footing and shot a glare towards the brunette when looking back.

"Sayo-san".

Saaya's voice made her continue to walk towards them as Arisa and Tae remained around Saaya after releasing her.

Not knowing what to say, Sayo went with the most obvious, "Thank you for all of your hard work, Yamabuki-san, this performance was by far one of the most wonderful to date. We as Roselia are incredibly grateful".

"Oh don't be so polite" Saaya chuckled as Tae refrained from doing the same, opting to smirk knowingly, "I couldn't have gotten _this_ far without the help of you all. Honestly, thank you".

"No gratitude required" Sayo deflected, feeling the stress of Arisa and Tae roam around her, "Also, in regards to everything else, I.."

She wasn't sure how to finish the sentence off as she thought back to every performance, every interaction she had with Saaya, Arisa and Tae. 

Even without words, they had communicated via the poignant lyrics, the timbre of the music, their eyes and their expressions which was something that she could not brush away as accidental.

It was a catalyst to the inevitable.

Of them all gathering together to discuss what happens next since that was the original plan.

"We don't have to do this now so relax" Tae assuaged and offered a friendly smile, "You were incredible up there, we should definitely get together some time and play again".

"Oh, thank you" the other guitarist replied, "That would be something to look forward to".

Arisa's voice followed and Sayo wasn't sure what to think now, "Yeah, the performances were pretty amazing. Good work" she said, clinging onto Saaya's arm but the brunette knew that that was more due to her natural instincts now as opposed to possession.

"Thank you, Ichigaya-san".

Whatever it was, Saaya was relieved that this particular interaction was amicable, awkward, but still welcoming.

She stared at Sayo, her eyes taking in the beautiful woman who was still glowing, "Whatever happens now, Sayo-san, this opportunity will be something that stays with me forever" she reiterated, hoping Sayo would understand the undertones from their previous conversation, "As will you, I promise".

The guitarist did understand, her heart fluttering at the way Saaya was looking at her, open and accepting of everything they had become.

Whether they remained in touch or not, the two women knew that something special had been forged between them, something neither were expecting and that was all the more reason to treasure what had blossomed.

For the time being, the celebrations of the splendid show were the way forward. 

They deserved this moment of relaxing and enjoying the fruits of their labour as everyone in the room allowed the festivities to begin a night of celebrating.

Whatever was to commence when the four women talked about this, about their future, it was something they would tackle head on. 

Together. 


	15. Changeability

* * *

Sayo couldn't recall the last time she had felt this nauseated about something.

Was it during their performances with Saaya? 

Maybe it was when she had the first performance with Roselia all those years ago. 

Perhaps it was when she accidently bit into a carrot caused by a mishap with her sister. 

She wasn't sure anymore but right now, Sayo was convinced that _this_ was the most anxious she had felt. Simply because there was so much riding on this that the thought of it going downhill and messing up the opportunity to remain in Saaya's life was too much of a gamble. 

Sayo wasn't much of a betting woman to begin with. 

Her stomach was in the midst of a whirlwind encompassed in a hurricane.

At this rate, she was sure she was going to collapse due to the anxiety coursing through her.

 _"Get a grip, Sayo, this isn't going to help you_ ".

Her inward pep talk may have worked a tad but not enough to bring her hand up to the door of the Ichigaya residence and knock. She knew that once she did, there would be no going back.

Either she'd leave the premises without Saaya, or, she would leave with a decimated heart, a trade off to remain friends with Saaya. 

Whichever path she took an imaginary stroll down, it all led to the same stream of nervousness parading through her.

A couple of weeks had passed by since the lives and they all had decided to give it that amount of time so that they could gather their thoughts in a bid to discuss this with clear minds in a sensible manner. 

To find a path which caused the least amount of harm to everyone involved. 

" _So much for that_ " she thought to herself and steeled her composure after bringing her finger up and pressing the doorbell, making sure that the box of confectionary was still in her other hand, " _What a mess_ ".

The wait wasn't that long but it might as well have been for Sayo.

Not that it mattered when she saw Saaya's smiling face when she door opened, all her other hopscotch of emotions dying away the moment she laid eyes on her.

Instead, her stomach turned into a disaster for a different reason, the reason _why_ she had been able to feel something so intense for a benignant woman she didn't think this would have happened for. 

And yet there she was, eyes locking onto Saaya's when she greeted her and took her free hand between both of hers, squeezing lightly, "Hi, Sayo. Come in".

The warmth of rugged fingers over hers snapped Sayo out of her daze as she was pulled in by the brunette, her own words dying in her mouth like fading embers. 

She had missed her, gravely.

They had kept in contact via phone calls and such, but it was a tame comparison to being in the same place together. 

Sayo was the one who said it would be best if she stayed away from her for those few weeks, not wanting to hinder Saaya's thought process or aggravate Tae's and Arisa's. Saaya resisted the idea at first but she understood why Sayo wanted to take that option and appreciated the woman for trying to make things as easy for her as possible.

Still, neither could hold back when Sayo was the one who initiated the hug and guided the drummer into her arms with her free hand. 

It was strange how her sensibilities ejected themselves out of the stratosphere the moment it had _anything_ to do with Saaya.

Even with Tsugumi, it was never this profound.

With her arm wound around Saaya's waist, Sayo felt the woman exhale against her neck and it was good to know that the sentiments were mutual. Saaya's arms wrapped around her back, her body pressed firmly against Sayo's as the guitarist uttered her greeting, slightly breathless.

" _I missed you_ " is what she wanted to say, but she knew it wouldn't be wise to say it now and she had a feeling Saaya already knew, "This is for you all, I wasn't sure what to bring" she said instead and pulled back slightly, offering the carefully crafted box that was filled with various delicacies.

Tae's voice came through from what Sayo assumed was the main living are, "Smart thinking, sweet stuff is definitely one way to go about this, a bonus if it's something bonsai or bunny shaped".

Sayo went rigid in Saaya's arms and attempted to put some respectable distance between them when she saw the taller woman stood there, a mischievous glint in her enticing eyes, her riposte lingering in the air. 

"Ah, that wasn't my intention. I just assumed that I-".

"She's messing with you" Arisa's voice came from the room, an audible sigh escaping her lips and Saaya chuckled at Sayo's worried expression.

"Relax, okay?" she whispered.

Sayo nodded as much as she could before being released from Saaya's embrace and followed Tae and Saaya to the living room to see Arisa already perched on the couch.

She was in the midst of preparing tea, her vision solely on the items in front of her before giving Sayo an amicable welcome.

Sayo couldn't exactly read what Arisa's mood was which was troublesome. At least Saaya and Tae seemed in positive spirits but that was the norm, Sayo had noted amongst the three women. Arisa was reserved by nature, just like herself in fact so she couldn't exactly blame the blonde for being even more heightened in terms of what was going to be discussed.

"Come and sit down, Sayo" Saaya said, leading the woman to the seating area and Sayo was relieved because she had no clue where to place herself.

"Ah, thank you" she replied and took her place next to Saaya as Arisa remained seated on the other side of the sofa.  
  
Tae had opted to take the couch nearest to Arisa and Saaya appreciated it because the last thing they wanted was for Sayo to feel like she was being cornered. So having Saaya between Sayo and Arisa was the wisest option for now.

There was a moment of terse silence as Saaya glanced between all three women and realised that this would have to be set by her. She was aware that now would be one of those moments she couldn't follow and had to lead, there was far too much at stake so she willed her nerves to settle and began talking.

Sayo smiled a small rendition of it, internally praising the drummer for addressing her shortcomings in an effort to try and take the lead. 

It was one of the many things she had come to love about the drummer.

"I know you're all on edge right now and have been for so long so I really would like to settle everything now, or at least make a start" she explained, eyes locking with Tae and then Arisa, "First and foremost, I need you both to know that, and I cannot stress this enough, that _nothing_ changes amongst us. I love you two, that is a staple for me".

The two women shared a knowing glance with Saaya, evinced by her words as clear as day and they appreciated it.

"Well, I'll never get tired of hearing it so it is good to know" Arisa commented in a slight jesting manner before looking at Sayo, "We've had time to talk about this I guess. Right now, the only thing I want to know is how _you_ feel about Saaya" she stated firmly, "No beating around the bush". 

Sayo understood both Tae and Arisa's urgency to know. 

They loved Saaya, lionized her and wanted to protect her from getting hurt, it was only natural. 

"Yamabu-, no, _Saaya_ " she corrected "I am enamoured with you, there are many words that I can flout to get the message across but it simply comes down to that. I didn't expect it, nor did I seek it but you, everything about _you_ captivates me. Your warmth, kindness, adoration, it melted me I suppose. After Tsugumi, I truly felt that there was nothing left of me to offer.." she uttered, watching the way Saaya's lips parted, "But that was proven wrong with each moment we spent together. Even if nothing else comes from this for us, I need you to know that this is something I will always treasure".

Despite feeling the gazing eyes of Tae and Arisa, Sayo couldn't look away from Saaya who was rendered slightly speechless.

But she knew the ones she had to convince were Saaya's lovers, that was why she was here so she continued.

"I only wish for Saaya to be happy and for her, you both are where that lies".

"Well, I wouldn't go _that_ far" Tae said with an inquisitive gaze, "We're one part of the things that make her happy and we always want that to be the case".

"Which is self-explanatory but she's in a sticky situation depending on what you seek from each other" Arisa continued like she was in synch with the taller brunette and Sayo deduced they most likely were, "Saaya?". 

Saaya recalibrated her thoughts, simmering in Sayo's confession and her lovers logic. 

"The question really is if you want to remain in my life as a friend or something more".

"Do you think you would be able to become accustomed to that, Saaya?" Sayo questioned, tone low, "Us seeing each other, knowing how we feel and pretending that there is nothing between us?".

Tae and Arisa watched the brunette ruminate, her hands pressing against her knees before she answered, "I wouldn't, no. I can't ignore the way I feel about you".

"I'm guessing it's the same for you?" Arisa asked Sayo whom nodded. 

"Yes" Sayo admitted, "I may have had some ulterior motives in terms of not seeing Saaya for the last few weeks. Almost like a test to see if I can abstain from her, in a way where friends wouldn't see each other much and I, it was extremely difficult".

"Even if we were talking and texting?".

"It wasn't enough" Sayo reiterated, voice strong and eyes practically pulsing in an effort to make Saaya understand, "When it comes down to it, I have reached a point where I either have you in my life, regardless of how that is, or I have to figure out a way to undo falling for you". 

That no, she couldn't just be friends with her.

That she couldn't deal with the other option which was to cut off ties completely either. 

She had already had the taste of Saaya's aura and Sayo had come to crave it, yearn for it,

"Saaya wasn't fairing that better either, if you want to know" Tae divulged as her lover's head whipped to the side.

"O-Tae!".

Arisa snickered at the blush coating Saaya's cheeks as she sipped her tea, "Hm, she was a little detached".

"Really?" Sayo said, adoring the way Saaya seemed to be at a loss due to the revelation. 

Tae continued on and moved to the sofa and took a seat behind Arisa when the woman passed her a cup, then doing the same for Sayo and Saaya.

"It was a test for Saaya too. As much as she loves us, well, it was as you said, Sayo-san. Whatever has happened between you can't be cut off so quickly or easily. Neither do either of you want to do that".

Saaya had managed to gather herself, "I did make it clear that I was not on board with the idea but I understood why you wanted it to be like that. It is true, being away from you felt the same as I feel when I'm not with O-Tae and Arisa and the fact that I can say it's the same feeling is, well, something else". 

"I see.." Sayo spoke up and placed her cup back onto the coaster after the warm green tea quenched the dryness of her mouth and throat at the admission, "I cannot deny that I am a tad pleased that this is the case. So, would be it brash of me to assume that you wish for something to transpire between us, in terms of a relationship?".

The brunette nodded, after glancing at Tae and Arisa, "I do want that, Sayo".

All three could see the silent relief spread across Sayo's winsome features as she blinked several times, almost as if to reassure her brain that this was happening, that there was a chance for her to be with Saaya. There was still a glimmer of confusion which was to be expected but it did little to hinder how pleased Sayo was. Her rigid form had relaxed, as did Arisa's when she rested back against Tae; assessing the two women in her line of vision.

Before this meeting, Saaya, Tae and Arisa had been talking about everything, a conversation that had to happen amongst them so that they all knew where they stood with each other. They've been through this before but the scenario was unusual this time considering it was a case of Sayo and Saaya dating, not Sayo with Arisa and Tae per se.

Which is when Sayo voiced her concerns.

"I'm glad, although, I'm not familiar with how these relationships work so, what can I do to make the solution to this easier for us all and reduce the declivity if I overstep my boundaries?".

"Hmm, not as much as you'd think" Arisa answered, mulling over where this was going, "You and Saaya want to be together. Saaya is with me and O-Tae".

It wasn't as if Sayo hadn't taken the liberties in carrying out some research in terms of polyamorous relationships but the one reoccurring theme was that it was different for everyone, more so for same sex relationships. She wanted to ask Saaya how her situation with Tae and Arisa came to be but realised that it was too soon to even think about enquiring about that, not when the brunette was still trying to find her footing with her.

The nature of such a relationship was multifarious as it was and would most likely invoke discussions Sayo didn't want to be privy to, respecting their privacy. 

"So, you and I remain together" Saaya picked up from Arisa, "With the understanding that I am also committed to O-Tae and Arisa. Is that something you would be comfortable with? Or would grow to become comfortable with depending on how things go with us?".

"As I said, I have never had any ideas of harming your relationship" she said to the three women, "I realise that this may be new territory for me but also for you all. So in that regards, I am more than happy to adjust to the way this relationship is centred around Saaya" .

"Are you sure you could adjust to it?" Tae asked again, "Nothing will change between us and her" she said, the protective nature seeping through, "There is no right way for this stuff so you're right, we all have to try and get our bearing here".

Sayo nodded, "Indeed. I am more than willing to navigate this with you".

All of them were aware that both relationships were at completely different points considering it was dating for Saaya and Sayo whereas with Tae and Arisa, it was an established relationship, topped on friendship. So Sayo's concern was also how Saaya was going to get through it as she looked at the woman, expression so open and a look of reassurance across her alluring features.

"I know it won't be easy" Saaya gently said. 

"She isn't kidding" Arisa added, "It took some time for us three to find a balance and routine where nobody was stepping over each other's toes".

It went unsaid but jealousy was definitely going to be there as they got used to their circle. It was an attribute that maculated the strongest of connection's given how fickle it was. 

"But if we're all on the same page, then it won't be impossible, Sayo" Saaya vocalised and reached out to clasp Sayo's hand, her other reaching for Arisa's and Tae's that were already intertwined.

Sayo gripped onto the anchor the woman provided and she knew that Tae and Arisa had done the same, all three exchanging an cognisance glance.

It was a start, the first conversation was always going to be the trickiest but it provided the ground work for the foundation of their relationship with Saaya.

  
***

Upon the drummer's insistence, Sayo had come to realise that there wasn't going to be much she wouldn't do for Saaya.

Such a realisation came about prior to now as she followed Tae through the maze of their home.

Saaya had insisted that she stay for dinner. 

Her _girlfriend_ wanted her to stay for dinner.

The butterflies rose in Sayo's stomach as she looked away slightly and didn't notice Tae looking back, smirking at her.

"Gives you a bit of a rush, doesn't it?".

"Pardon?"

Sayo matched Tae's pace as she rounded a corner, "Finally being able to call Saaya also yours".

"Am I being _that_ obvious, Hanazono-san?" the guitarist questioned after clearing her throat.

"Oh just a little. But we get it, I felt that way and so did Arisa" Tae chuckled, "We still do".

Sayo had become slightly more versed to Tae's calming repertoire but she wondered whether it was a facade, and whether Tae actually did have some resentment about this whole thing. Granted, she knew it wasn't that they were all on overtly friendly terms now but rather it was to make Saaya happy.

She had to know.

"Hanazono-san...are you truly content with this scenario, with me and Saaya dating?".

Tae continued her languid pace, feeling Sayo's eyes on her but she didn't answer, not yet. The silence was concerning for Sayo as she waited for a response, for something but Tae simply walked on till they reached a room.

Tae opened the door and motioned for Sayo to join her once she stepped in.

" _She could kill me if she and I go in_ " Sayo thought to herself, " _They probably can't hear us from the kitchen_ ".

"Sayo-san?" Tae questioned, "You're making a strange face".

The woman snapped out of it, "Oh, my apologies" she managed and stepped into her room.

Sayo wasn't sure what to expect but a part of her did.

The commodious room was filled with nostalgia for all that was Poppin'Party.

Their first instruments, including Kasumi and Rimi's bass and guitar.

Their stage outfits.

Their accolades neatly lined up on shelves.

Their pictures scattered around the walls of the many years they'd spent together, their sodality.

The friends they had met along the way.

All of it.

Sayo was amazed by the care taken to ensure every piece, every memory was obviously taken care of as fragments of all five women could be seen. 

Sure, Roselia had their own variation but it was not to this extent because when Sayo remembered it, Poppin'Party was about _friendship_.

That was their goal whereas Roselia's was breaking the mould, garnering the momentum to wow the industry.

Two different bands with two sets of goals and objectives but that common denominator, that need to make music was what brought them all together.

"I love Saaya" Tae stated, "I always have done. So if you make her happy, if you treat her as well as I and Arisa do, I have no reason not to want this. There was a time in my life where I was alone, where every person I met couldn't understand me and it made me feel like there was something wrong with me. I only had my guitar and my rabbits. I know you understand that feeling all too well, Sayo-san". 

Sayo did so as she watched Tae pick up said guitar, the first one she'd ever played and sat down before motioning to Sayo to do the same.

"I didn't realise how isolated I had become until after Poppin'Party, how misunderstood I was to the world around me. I don't want to lose that and almost did out of my own mistakes with what happened with RAS. It almost happened again when me, Saaya and Arisa got together" she divulged and strummed a few of the strings, the sound a little off given its unused status now, "So, there isn't a need to doubt how I feel. I know where I stand, as does Arisa and we still have our own thoughts. Which is why Saaya fell for you too". 

"She had a habit of comparing us" Sayo chuckled "Perhaps I didn't notice it at first but, it was there. What we have that draws her. I don't want to step on anyone's toes so, I can assure you that along with ensuring Saaya's happiness, I wish to ensure that for you and Ichigaya-san".

"Oh?" Tae grinned, "Are you saying you want to date me and Arisa too?".

The repartee hit Sayo right away as her hand went up, trying to stammer out a multitude of excuses, "I, no that isn't what I was implying, Hanazono-san".

"Saaya's going to have so much fun messing with you" Tae laughed and picked up her other guitar, handing it to Sayo, "Just like she does with Arisa".

Sayo accepted the guitar whilst shaking her head, "I recall understanding Ichigaya-san's frustrations with you both and Toyama-san during school" she then smiled, "There is an appeal to it". 

"Hm I think so too" Tae laughed softly, "So, with whatever happens, we just have to take it slow. Make sure Saaya doesn't get overwhelmed and feel pressured".

"Of course, without a doubt".

"Good, now, let's have a quick session before they call us back" Tae smiled.

Sayo didn't want to leave Saaya and Arisa to do the cooking but the duo practically booted them out, a conspiratorial wink from Saaya being offered.

She knew the woman was sharp so Sayo wouldn't be surprised if this little chat had been silently orchestrated by her.

She'd have to thank her girlfriend, smiling again as she and Tae began the opening chords to 'Keep On Moving!'. 

***

After dinner, Saaya and Tae went to feed the rabbits which left Sayo alone with Arisa in the kitchen.

The duo were in the midst of tidying up the last dredges of dinner, Sayo insisting she helps out so Saaya succumbed to the pleading tone. She knew it'd help the woman feel at ease and perhaps leaving her with Arisa would be beneficial for the two.

At least, the brunette hoped so.

Sayo was wiping some of the dishes as Arisa placed them back to where they belonged and there was still some awkwardness left over between the two but that was to be entailed. Sayo didn't mind as she knew Arisa was still trying to process this new arrangement, she was too.

Tae was one thing.

Arisa was another.

The blonde's disapproval of this was far more tangible to Tae's and that wasn't going to be easy to quell. 

So Sayo decided to take the reigns again and begin the conversation in an effort to annul the tension between them. It was pretty much what she asked Tae, in terms of the certainty of their predicament.

"Ichigaya-san?".

Arisa turned around from the cupboard, "Yeah?".

There was no use in tiptoeing around it for the guitarist, "Are you truly content with the current arrangement, with me dating Saaya?".

 _"It isn't about what I want_ " was what Arisa wanted to say but she knew this wasn't true, this decision impacted them all as much as it did Saaya so there was no use in using that deflection.

Sayo waited as she continued drying a cup, giving the woman some time to gather her thoughts, noting Arisa's hazel eyes drifting into the distance before they locked onto Sayo again.

"It's fine.." Arisa answered, with a slight reluctance, "Yeah it will take me longer to get used to it, to you being in Saaya's life like us but I, I'm fine with it. Saaya's happy, that is what matters to me and O-Tae" she continued before narrowing her eyes at Sayo, "I obviously don't want to keep repeating myself in terms of what will happen _if_ you hurt her, Hikawa-san".

"Your warnings are understood and have been heeded. I want you to be aware that I will attempt to make this easier for you too, so if there is anything in particular that you find too much or may irk you, then please tell me".

The words were like an echo for Arisa.

She had uttered similar sentiments to both Saaya and Tae when she became a part of their relationship.

She took in Sayo's countenance as the drying cloth in her hand slackened a bit under her gaze and Arisa could picture herself in her place all those years ago.

Arisa knew that this was just as daunting for Sayo, because relationships were strenuous enough with one person let alone two. 

Anymore and the complexities became overt but it also meant that with the right amount of effort and understanding from all those involved, the relationship could be prosperous.

Sayo was already trying to be respectful by what she said and Arisa did appreciate that which made it facile to lower her guards, just ever so slightly with Sayo.

This was the woman Saaya had fallen for, there evidently was a reason for that.

Arisa knew it herself but it had become more transparent after the past few days, the performances and the discussions.

Leaning back against the counter, Arisa formulated her thoughts and uttered the words that would assuage the guitarist a tad.

"Hearing that is a good start, I'll give you that" she started, "I also understand your situation a lot more than you think".

"How so, if I may enquire?".

If this was going to work out, Arisa knew she had to be honest and ensure that she wasn't going to go out of her way to make Sayo's relationship with Saaya difficult, she was not vindictive. 

Hurt and needing to adjust, yes, but not malicious. 

"Because _I_ was in your place when I got together with Saaya and O-Tae. It was them letting me into their relationship when I fell for Saaya too".

 _"Ah, so she was the one to become imbued in their relationship"_ Sayo mused, understanding the blonde's hesitancy that much more. She relaxed her posture and placed the cloth down without taking her eyes away from the woman, giving her her undivided attention because she knew that must have been hard for Arisa to say.

"So, yeah. I know what it's like to try and figure out what you're feeling and how to not hurt the person you love and who they love. They were both my best friends, _are_ my best friends and O-Tae, she went through just as much hell as Saaya did. I didn't want to relive that and make things difficult for them so when things come to light about you and Saaya, it's why I acted out in a warranted, but senseless way".

"Ichigaya-san..".

Arisa sighed as she noticed the way Sayo was watching her, a glimmer of sympathy in her eyes. 

"Saaya and O-Tae understand me in ways no other could, even as just friends. No matter how hard I tried to push them back, to stop myself from letting anyone in, they managed to. I know how that feels, to not feel like you're worth the attention. I get where you were coming from, Hikawa-san. So yeah, I was scared when this first came to be and why I was so angry".

"Thank you for telling me" Sayo said softly, "As I have said, you were well within your state of mind to react the way you did and I still don't hold that against you. To be reliving this would undoubtedly project your distaste towards me, and I'd like to do what I can to alleviate that. Your relationship with Saaya and Hanazono-san will not be intervened with, I assure you" she said and stepped closer so that she was nearer to the blonde, "I'd like for us all to be as we are, be with Saaya".

"This is new for you and maybe you are underestimating how hard this will be but clearly you..".

Sayo knew what she was going to say and nodded, "Yes, I am enamoured with Saaya enough to give this my all. And that includes remaining amicable with yourself and Hanazono-san" she stated, "I know it's a lot to ask but please give me the opportunity to ensure that that is my only concern, not harming your relationship". 

"Y-you sure?".

The blonde gulped at the intensity of the words, looking up into the woman's verdant eyes, "I understand that I might not be aware of the extent of how this relationship will work but I'm willing try".

"Then that's all I ask" Arisa replied with an affirmative stance, "Saaya is the one important to us all, so, if you make her happy, then I can try too. Besides, you're not _that_ bad, you know". 

The guitarist couldn't hep the smile creep onto her lips at the admission, watching the blonde blush and it was endearing.

"I appreciate you saying so, Ichigaya-san" she chuckled quietly.

"H-hey, stop looking at me like that" Arisa huffed out in indignation as she motioned for Sayo to continue with the dishes, "We've still got a few more to go through so let's finish up". 

They got to work as a much more comfortable atmosphere finally coated the two and Sayo felt herself ease up, her discussions with both Tae and Arisa helping to set a more sturdier grip in place.

It was a start, that is what she reminded herself of. 

***

The night had come to a relatively serene end despite the sensitivity of what had been discussed and decided.

It was for that reason as to why Sayo exhaled in a way like she had been holding her breath in since this all began in February and the action made Saaya laugh.

"Does that feel good?".

"That may be an understatement" Sayo smiled and squeezed the hand in hers.

She still couldn't wrap her mind around it, that the possibility of being with Saaya had occurred. It was in the early stages, that she knew but just feeling the woman walk besides her as they strolled around the garden under the shimmering light of the moon was more than she could have ever asked for.

That breath she had been holding was a manifestation of everything she had been retraining back with every muscle she could muster.

And now, being able to relax it all felt euphoric.

Saaya understood the sentiment as she leaned into the older woman when they approached Arisa's bonsai, "What are you thinking?".

"Honestly, nothing beyond this moment right here. Apparently overthinking causes one more harm than the actual end result".

"Really? Well, that's news to me" Saaya smiled innocuously as she saw Sayo shake her head, a brief laugh escaping her lips.

"From what I've been told, it probably is news to you" she teased and watched Saaya sputter.

"Maybe leaving you with those two wasn't a good idea".

Sayo hummed in response, playing along, "I hope that more will be revealed regarding you".

"Is that so?".

"Absolutely" Sayo replied as Saaya nudged into her shoulder so they started walking through the garden again, "I have a lot to learn. About you, us, Hanazono-san and Ichigaya-san too".

"For someone who said they were not thinking beyond this moment, you sure have made a lot of plans" Saaya laughed, though she was relieved that Sayo had been pondering a route for what was to come next.

This was uncharted territory for her so Saaya was concerned about whether the woman would adjust to it.

They arrived at the koi pond, watching the majestic creatures flutter through the water. The tranquillity of the scene made Sayo simmer in the moment.

Just taking everything in, absorbing it. 

Saaya being stood by her side, hand in hand. 

Being at the Ichigaya residence.

Finding that middle ground with Tae and Arisa.

Even if she wasn't actively thinking about the future now, it would always build itself in the back of her mind because preparing was key.

She turned to face Saaya, her hand dropping to catch the brunette's hands, bodies close as the gentle breeze whipped around them in an elegant dance. 

She took in Saaya's reposeful countenance: the spark in her ultramarine eyes, highlighted by the gleam of the moon, the way her hair danced around, free of its usual ribbons, the way she seemed so at peace.

That's what Sayo wanted, that's why she was subconsciously planning.

Planning to ensure that she could keep this woman by her side.

Which is exactly what she voiced, her tone low and intimate, "Saaya, I have no intention of allowing our relationship to become turbulent just because I can't see what lies ahead. Just being here with _you_ , right now is so much more than I can take and I, I'd like for this to be the case for as long as I can hold onto you. I'd like to prove that the trust you've put in me by allowing me into your life isn't something you will regret in the long run when I make mistake".

Saaya tilted her head to the side slightly, a warm expression on her face as she smiled up at her girlfriend, "I doubt I could regret anything to do with you when you say things like that to me".

"You don't know that yet, because I _will_ make mistakes, Saaya, no matter how hard I try not to. I can be onerous".

"That's fine with me. You will make mistakes, so will I, and Arisa and O-Tae too" Saaya avowed and toyed with Sayo's fingers in hers, "But I trust my judgment now, I trust what I feel here" she stated and brought Sayo's left hand over her own chest, the trembling of her heart being felt against Sayo's skin instantly, "I trust _this_ because here is the reminder of why it was possible to keep going after my mother's death. Because of my family, friends. Because of O-Tae and Arisa and now..I have you".

The earnest words created a whirlwind in Sayo's mind as her fingertips splayed over the skin of Saaya's revealed chest, the hand over hers resting on it, keeping steady as she took in Saaya's words. 

"I know this whole thing is daunting, but I know for a fact that it'll be worth it. You, O-Tae, Arisa, mean _everything_ to me and knowing that there is a chance for all of us to be in this relationship is more than anything I could ask for. I'm sure Arisa and Tae have said the same".

Sayo nodded, lowering her face till she could rest her forehead against Saaya's, feeling the warmth meld with her own as her free hand remained in Sayo's.

They were connected.

In every essence of the word.

She could feel everything as intensely as the thud against her palm and she knew she would do anything to remain there in Saaya's heart.

The delicate moment between them stemmed out as their eyes met, their breaths mingling as they simmered in the heartfelt sentiments they'd exchanged to each other.

Sayo believed her with every ounce of trust she had left.

Saaya trusted her to let their relationship soar.

They had gotten this far and now with Tae and Arisa's acceptance, they could build this connection amongst them. 

Pulling back slightly, Sayo's hazy stare remained on the way Saaya was looking at her, so vulnerable and expressive that she felt her own heart do a double take, urging her to do something she had been wanting to do since that moment in her room with the brunette.

"Saaya?".

"What is it?" Saaya mumbled, her body resting on her girlfriend's.

"May I kiss you?".

"Oh, so _this_ time you're asking me?" Saaya grinned, a brow quirking up.

Tae and Arisa were right, Saaya's smug expression was something else and far too sexy for words. 

It made the guitarist chuckle, pulling her girlfriend, which still felt weird to say and think, closer to her after wrapping her arms around her waist.

"I deserved that" she smiled, tugging a strand of Saaya's hair behind her ear before trailing her fingers down the woman's cheek, then her jaw, till she could lightly hold it between her fingers, "You've yet to answer my question".

Saaya's eyes glistened as her arms had already grabbed a hold of Sayo's waist, attempting to steady herself.

This would technically be their first kiss.

It dawned on the drummer that she had never forgotten the way Sayo's lips fit against hers, the texture, the taste and how it was exhilarating despite feeling foreign.

And now, she was going to get to relive that experience but on a different scale. 

She was going to kiss Sayo, her _girlfriend_.

So she whispered a breathless, "Please", hidden within temerity before allowing the guitarist to tilt her head up as she lowered hers.

Both could say it was indescribable, the first time their lips had met.

It was exquisite, warm and filled to the brim with unadorned longing, now getting a chance to become unsealed as their lips met.

Sayo melted, that was the only way she could explain it. 

The feeling of her girlfriend's body against her own, the softness of her lips as they tentatively figured out their pace, light brushes here and there, followed by a more passionate dance.

Saaya crumbled, it was the only way she could describe it.

To have Sayo kissing her, with a gentleness like she was handling fine china and it was undeniably one of the most exultant sensations she had ever felt, yearning for more as Sayo's tongue swept with hers. 

The two women were lost in the moment of something that they had been pleading, hoping to let out and cover the missing parts of their existence.

Under the radiating light of the moon, in a garden that was the embodiment of serenity, it felt like an imperishable night and Sayo didn't want it to end, nor did Saaya.

But the need to breath halted the their kisses, forcing them to stop, to pause and take in what had happened.

The faces of the two had a rubescent glow as they quietly tried to catch their breath whilst clinging onto each other. Sayo's arms remained encircled around Saaya's hips as Saaya's had crept up the taller woman's back, resting over shoulder blades, a passionate embrace if there ever was such a thing to exist. 

Sayo was the first to talk and Saaya remained comfortably against her face since her heart had most certainly packed away with Sayo's, running off somewhere to never be found, and she was okay with that.

"That was, quite the uhm.." she mumbled over the woman's lips, causing Saaya to smile, eyes piercing with a look Sayo had been craving to see aimed at her. 

"And _that_ was eloquently put" she quipped, mainly to hide her own surprise at the intensity of their kiss.

It felt like her first kisses with Tae and Arisa which was saying something.

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time you have rendered my mind into bouts of such simplicity, Saaya".

Saaya was already having a hard time remaining steady on her feet without Sayo's arms around her and the addition of that statement made her swoon further. Instead, she buried her face in the crook of Sayo's neck, embracing her tighter as she mumbled, "Stop, I don't think I can take you saying that after kissing me like that".

"I suggest getting used to it, Saaya, because I do intend on reminding you how you make me feel". 

The drummer exhaled into Sayo's chest, the look of pure bliss etched on her features, "Sayo". 

Sayo smiled into the brunette hair, a rich laugh following in a way that was so out of her character because that is what the sensation of falling for Saaya had done to her.

Stripping away the icy walls she had constructed after her heartbreak at the hands of Tsugumi.

Saaya had washed that away with warmth, along with the loneliness she hadn't envisioned ever leaving her.

Is this what it meant to recover from loss, to move on from the feeling of exposing yourself to the one whom was meant to remain by your side? 

Was this beautiful woman that was bundled up in her arms, the remedy she needed to heal, to assuage the torrid emotions she once felt, to absolve herself? 

Countless of clichés like the above wafted through Sayo's mind and she welcomed them, welcomed every sensation her girlfriend invoked in her.

Because this was something she too, deserved.

To feel happiness in the form of a kind-hearted woman that erased away a rotting edge of her soul which was being consumed by the bitterness of being left alone again.

These thoughts propelled Sayo to hold Saaya tighter, nuzzling against her shoulder as the two remained stood their, reveling in the serenity between them.

All she knew at this present time was that she wanted to spend the rest of her life making Saaya feel this way, shrouding her with the love and adoration Sayo didn't known she'd be capable of showing again, that had been restored thanks to her.

If this was how things would press on from now on, Sayo was willing to take the plunge and jump away from her comfort zone so long as the direction of her fall led to Saaya.

***

Getting ready to depart from the Ichigaya residence, Sayo had bid goodbye to Tae and Arisa whom were stood at the gates, watching on as Saaya walked Sayo to her car.

They shared another lingering hug, a loitering kiss before Sayo got in, finding it ridiculously difficult to part from Saaya already.

She chalked it down to the months of having to restrain herself from doing and saying what she wanted, the build up now oozing out with the consent from Saaya and her lovers. 

She rolled down her window as Saaya leaned in again, their faces close and Sayo wondered how she was going to get home in one piece if Saaya was looking at her like that.

"Let me know when you get home, okay?" she murmured against the guitarist's lips when Sayo leaned up to kiss her again, a hand resting on Saaya's cheek.

"I will do, Saaya" she replied, meeting the puckered lips for a consistent string of light kisses that made Saaya giggle, a sound Sayo wanted to engrave into her mind, "We will speak, soon?". 

"We will" Saaya hummed, relishing in the additional touch of Sayo's fingers. 

Sayo's eyes were hooded, her thumb caressing Saaya's skin as the brunette's hands snuck in to rest on Sayo's neck, drawing the parting out. 

Tae and Arisa didn't want to interrupt as they too were in that very situation once they all starting dating and still were as loved up years later.

The thought made the brunette laugh softly in Arisa's ear as she was resting behind her back, her hands slung down her girlfriend's chest, "If I wasn't holding you, what were chances of you taking a bat to Sayo-san's engine or something?".

"O-Tae, you dummy!" Arisa chided and gently knocked her head back against Tae's that was on her shoulder, "Yeah it will take time getting used to but, _look_ at her".

Look at Saaya. 

She was finally in the place she had been in before this daedal attraction came to light.

Content seeping into her expression as she stood back and looked at them, giving them the same smile she gave to Sayo before the guitarist nodded, in silent unison of saying thank you.

Arisa couldn't be angry at that and she had agreed to take the time to assimilate into this new dynamic in their relationship. So remaining as calm as she was when witnessing Sayo kissing Saaya was something she would just have to get used to.

Besides, it wasn't the most unappealing sight in the world when she took in the two attractive women exchanging tender touches. 

"What isn't the worst sight in the world, Arisa?" Tae questioned facetiously. 

The blonde groaned when she realised she had muttered it out loud and was about to refute when Saaya walked back to them.

Sayo started her car and drove by till she could stop in front of the trio in women, thanking them again before waving back and driving off.

The last denouement, a signal to seal the invisible bond amongst them as Saaya then turned to her girlfriends, both looking at her with various expressions.

Arisa's curious, Tae's just relaxed with her signature teasing nature.

After the charged night they had experienced, all she could was laugh and take a hold of her lovers hands. 

"Not a word, you two".

"Aw, Saaya, we just wanted to know if she's a better kiss than we are".

Arisa grumbled and shook her head whilst walking back to her home, "Speak for yourself, O-Tae, I don't want the details, more so since we had the abridged version here".

The drummer grinned at the women's badinage, her heart feeling settled in its entirety after the strenuous few months that had transpired amongst them.

"It doesn't matter, you're all perfect to me" Saaya stated softly as they reached the door, Tae and Arisa turning back to look at the soft expressions on her lover's face, "Thank you, O-Tae, Arisa".

"What are you thanking us for?" Arisa exhaled in a nonchalant way, "We didn't do anything. If you're happy, then we're good too".

"Exactly" Tae nodded and leaned forward, her fingers trailing up to rest at the base of Saaya's neck, "We're glad she's as crazy about you as much as we are".

The statement was sealed with a lingering kiss from the taller woman as Saaya wrapped an arm behind Tae's waist when she felt Arisa lean against her body, one arm on her chest and the other most likely around Tae's back.

Their kiss broke off and Saaya motioned her hazy eyes towards the blonde's, leaning down to provide a much needed kiss to Arisa, loving the sensation of her lips over hers. 

They all may have had similar traits but they were different in ways that made Saaya grateful for having them in her life, even more so now since she has the chance to coalesce their relationship. 

The future may be impossible to predict but setting the pace to the journey, the four of them together, was going to be the deciding factor. 


	16. Echoes Of Our Past

* * *

_**One year later..** _

  
Sayo could laugh at the inevitability of it all ending this way.

Which is exactly what she did as she searched her pocket for her keys, the new addition poking her fingers as she fished it out.

A key to the Ichigaya residence no less.

Sayo recalled the conversation she had with Chisato and Misaki about 6 months ago, the conversation regarding her flourishing relationship with Saaya. 

_"I wouldn't be so quick to shoot down the idea of that happening, Sayo-chan" Chisato had stated with a knowing but concealed smirk behind the rim of her glass, "You seem awfully closer to Tae-chan and Arisa-chan than previous"._

_"Yeah, Arisa sure has a lot to say about you when we talk"._

_"As does Tae-chan"._

_The guitarist stifled a roll of her eyes at the way Misaki and Chisato seemed to be in perfect synchronisation with the teasing, "That is hardly out of the norm. We are bound to spend more time together since we're with Saaya"._

_"Right.." the Dj drawled out, "So me mentioning how Arisa talks about you isn't responsible for that blush on your face?"._

_Clearing her throat, Sayo shook her head, "That is irrelevant, Okusawa-san" she answered, "I'm merely pleased I am not getting in Ichigaya-san and Hanazono-san's way. If they feel comfortable with me, it lessens the burden for Saaya"._

_"Okay, fair enough. But, entertain me for a moment with a thought"._

_"I'd rather not" Sayo replied, a sinking feeling at Chisato's coy tone._

_She knew what that thought would entail._

_Arisa and Tae and herself._

_More than what they were now, radiant satellites gravitating around Saaya._

_Sayo would be lying if she flat out denied that she hadn't thought about it. Arisa and Tae had become a significant aspect in her life. She spent as much time with them as she did with Saaya, which was a given. Every moment spent together had unleashed any inhibitions they had prior to Sayo and Saaya getting together, becoming accustomed to Saaya loving Sayo._

_Perhaps it wasn't as absurd to assume the thought of them like that._

_"Huh, I don't think you have to even put the thought into her head, Chisato" Misaki chuckled at her girlfriend, "She's way ahead of us"._

_"Indeed. Sayo-chan will certainly have her hands full the next time we meet"._

_Sayo groaned and shook her head, "Now I recall why we don't do this often"._

The memory made Sayo laugh to herself, she did admit defeat to the duo a few months later when it actually happened. 

And she did so without any hesitance. 

She adjusted the strap of her side luggage on her shoulder, pulling the carry on suitcase next to her as she had returned from tour with Roselia. Lisa's added commentary about how her first instinct before dropping by their place was to head here resonated in her mind. The brunette's teasing was as merciless as it had been when Sayo found herself growing an attachment to Tae and Arisa.

" _It was indeed prescient in its own way I suppose_ ".

Of course they'd all end up together.

The excitement pulsing through her veins at seeing her lovers again was reaching a peak level as she finally managed to get the door open, ushering herself in whilst dragging her luggage along.

It was strange, how acclimatised she had become to the home's fragrance, more than her own place which made sense since she did spend more time here than she did over there. 

The soothing scent relaxed her instantly as a thought came to her mind, uttering the words she had now grown accustomed to, "I'm home".

Strange, to say such a sentiment that continued to make her heart strum.

It was a different feeling to when she went to her parents, or to her own apartment and said that.

Because _this_ , truly was home.

And the woman that began it all walked her way, light on her feet, her footsteps hurried as she embraced Sayo tightly, their month away taking its toll on her. 

Sayo sunk into Saaya's embrace, burying her face against the woman's shoulder, taking in the entirety of her presence.

"Welcome home, Sayo" she whispered into the guitarist's neck before pulling back and cupping her face, staring into her lover's verdant eyes, "I missed you".

"I missed you too, Saaya".

The words came out easily, flowing like a melodious piano line, the staccato spontaneous as opposed to sequacious, infusing itself into Saaya's expression before Sayo leant down to kiss her.

The plump sensation of Saaya's lips over her own made Sayo clench down the desire she felt at being able to do this again, immersing herself into the drummer's mouth and body. 

It was languid, deep, passionate.

Her hands clutched at Sayo's jacket collar, dragging her in, missing the woman's frame so desperately.

It was everything Sayo had expected when she came back from tour.

This feeling of home.

And in that home, were two others that had crafted a foundation in Sayo's heart and made there place their.

Saaya heard Tae's footfalls first and pulled away, grinning at Sayo who braced herself for the incoming hug by the woman.

"Sayo.." she gasped whilst making her way to the two, "You're back!".

Sayo's smile increased more than it was already possible when she saw the brunette and pressed up against her, her arms winding up Tae's shoulders, "I am, O-Tae".

Tae visibly shivered at that, causing Saaya to laugh softly, knowing how much of an effect such a small statement from Sayo meant.

"Talk about surprises, you were meant to be back tomorrow, right?" she chuckled and hugged Sayo tighter before pulling back to look at her, "I missed you". 

"I thought it would be nice to surprise you all, we managed to pack up quicker for the final live so I came her first seeing as I missed you too" she divulged, glancing from Saaya to Tae, "It was certainly worth it".

Kissing Tae was a completely different sensation for Sayo.

For one, Tae was taller than her and as someone who was generally the tallest amongst those she knew, it was thrilling to have her face lifted by Tae's calloused yet delicate fingertips, her lips pressing firmly against her own. The arm wrapped around her waist beckoned her in closer till she was leaning fully against Tae's form, both lulled in the movements of her mouth before they parted. 

Tae murmed with a dreamy voice, "So romantic" making Sayo flush further before she moved back.

"Now now, O-Tae, she has just gotten home, plenty of time to tease her".

Sayo shot a betrayed look at the drummer before shaking her head, already falling into the habit of being around the duo. 

Arisa did warn the guitarist what Tae and Saaya were like and she was not kidding.

Speaking of the absent blonde, "Where is Arisa?". 

"Hm, she was in the basement last I checked" Tae answered, "I'll find-" she stopped when she saw the keyboardist step into the home to find them, "Never mind, I think she already smelt you".

"I think that is more Kasumi's superpower to be fair" Saaya laughed as she registered Arisa's dismayed expression at the jibe.

"Huh, wait" she said and placed down some cardboard boxes on the ground, "Sayo, when did you get home?" she questioned before turning her gaze to her other lovers, "And don't think I didn't hear you comparing me to Kasumi" she frowned.

But it was all forgotten when Sayo stepped to her in a tentative manner. 

As was anticipated, Arisa was the trickier one to figure out but a year's worth of time had passed for Sayo and Arisa to really get to know each other.

The adoration in Arisa's eyes couldn't be missed when Sayo stuck out her hand, waiting for the blonde to accept it and when she did, she pulled Arisa into a solid hug.

"My apologies, it was meant as a surprise" Sayo exhaled against the top of the woman's head.

Whilst Tae was taller than them all, Arisa was on the opposite end of the scale and one of the things Sayo found to enjoy was tucking the woman up in her arms, the way she had seen Saaya and Tae do.

Arisa's arms curled around Sayo's hips as she pressed the side of her head over the woman's chest, breathing out slowly at finally being able to see Sayo again.

"Nothing to apologise for, it's..sweet".

"Told you" Sayo heard Tae say and smiled whilst brushing her hand through the loose blonde locks. 

"Welcome back".

"Thank you" Sayo answered when Arisa looked up at her, "I missed you, Arisa" 

Arisa gulped, one hand going to the back of Sayo's neck, urging Sayo to carry out what she was wanting to do but still quite reserved about the whole thing. 

Tae and Saaya grinning in the background certainly wasn't helping but this was the norm now as Sayo smiled, lowering her head to finally meet Arisa's lips.

It wasn't as gentle, there was something charged, fervent about it when Arisa took control, her other hand meeting the back of Sayo's neck over her hair. Sayo answered the call of the other woman till she was satisfied, face flushed when she parted from Sayo's mouth.

They remained that way, wrapped around each other as Sayo softly ran her fingertips over Arisa's cheek, feeling the heat.

"Hey, babe" O-Tae started whilst resting her chin on top of the brunette's head, "I remember when a certain someone rushed to the studio that time, you know, when she almost was about to murder our _now_ girlfriend, for kissing _our_ girlfriend".

Tae had lit the fuse as Arisa gave the woman a glare, "Sh-shut up!" she refuted, "That was a different circumstance, O-Tae!". 

Her pugnacious nature was easy to summon and most of the time, it was to tease their lover. 

"She is not wrong" Sayo conferred and was given the look of utter betrayal from their small blonde, "It feels like just yesterday in fact".

"You know what, I hate all of you" she glowered and pushed Sayo away slightly before stalking back to the living room, followed by her lovers, "I'm single again, not one girlfriend".

Saaya laughed freely at Arisa's riseable antics as the warmth of their home had returned with a vengeance. Even with one of them missing, it felt rather empty which was a strange sensation but that was how it was now. All of them together made such an impact and glancing around the room, Saaya couldn't have been more at home.

As tentative as it was for the remainder of the year between Tae, Sayo and Arisa, this had happened and it was something she wasn't anticipating.

Their relationship expanded, grew, blossomed with everything they sought within each other which was a given due their ties to Saaya. 

So indeed, it was almost inevitable for Sayo and Tae and Arisa to reach an understanding.

To unify themselves around Saaya.

***

  
The following morning, the four women found themselves in Saaya's car, on the way to the same beach they found themselves in over a decade ago.

Considering it was another one of Tae's impromptu and grand ideas, the rest were swept away into her enthusiasm as they prepared for their day trip. Her propensity to follow the wind hadn't completely been diminished by the constraints of adulthood. 

With Sayo back, they wanted to make the most of their time together before duty called and she was off for another tour but thankfully, they were to remain in their location for a few months now. So Tae wasted no time in initiating a bunch of activities for them to partake in whilst they all had some free time.

"We're making good down time" Saaya noted as she drove across the lane, the morning sun packing its fair share of warmth considering the tell-tale signs of a blooming summer.

"I feel like we've forgotten something" Arisa worried as she scrolled through her phone, "Did we lock up?".

"We did" Sayo reassured, trying to put the woman at ease, "Double checked in fact".

"You're worrying too much again, Arisa" Saaya smiled.

"So I should be, this was way too last minute thanks to that goofball over there".

Tae had already passed out halfway through the journey and was now wrapped around Sayo in the backseat, snoozing away blissfully, unaware of her girlfriend's grumbling.

"It's fine, I think it was a good idea" Saaya stated, keeping an eye on the road, "It has been so long since we've been back here, I wonder if the café there is still open?". 

"It is" Arisa answered, "Surprisingly. Well, it would be nice to go back there I suppose" she sighed and glanced out of the window, "Has it really been that long since we left school? Feels weird".

"Time is as fickle as can be" Sayo agreed and toyed with the hem of Tae's cropped t-shirt, "Even within a moment, it practically flashed by. There rarely is time to catch a moments break and wonder back on how far we've come".

"It's not really a bad thing, is it?" Saaya asked, meeting her lover's eyes in the rear-view, curious as to what she was thinking 

"Not in the slightest" the woman was quick to answer, smiling at the brunette and Arisa, "I may not have been one for sentimentality at some point but as is with time, it leads to change, in all of us. Changes that are inevitable at times".

"Hm, so you anticipated dating a third of Poppin'Party?" Arisa smirked as Saaya chuckled.

Sayo reddened a tad as she nestled her chin over Tae's head when she maneuvered to rest on her chest, exhaling softly. She had gotten used to the way the three women in her life adored pulling her leg now and then so she couldn't help but to go along with it, "Well, evidently not _all_ aspects were in my control" she answered, "Nor could you have envisioned being with me".

Saaya was barely concealing her laughter as she carefully navigated the road, the signs stating she was reaching the destination soon. It was this atmosphere between Sayo, Tae and Arisa she had come to crave, knowing that her attraction to Sayo had been embedded into her other two lovers.

So to see this charming back and forth between them, knowing that they too loved each other made Saaya revel in the content she was in.

The steps to get here was no easy feat and they had their fair share of walking over each others toes whilst trying to figure out the boundaries. 

There were arguments between Sayo and Arisa that spelt trouble.

There were uncertainties with Saaya and Tae that unsealed old wounds.

There were times Arisa and Tae had to adjust to how uxorious Saaya and Sayo had become towards each other. 

It wasn't easy and they all expected that, pushing through their barriers to find a place where all four were in the same book.

A novel Saaya cherished because it was the evidence to what they had now.

This sense of home, of being with each other where Sayo, Tae and Arisa had learned to exist in harmony. 

It was with this thought that Saaya was expecting a sarcastic answer from Arisa but the blonde turned in her seat slightly, so that she could see Sayo, "Maybe not. It was mostly impossible to see it that way with Saaya and Tae so you're not wrong" she replied, eyes glancing over all her girlfriends, "But I'm glad it didn't remain that way. Things have a funny way of working out" she smiled.

Saaya quirked a knowing eyebrow at Sayo when at the traffic lights, " _That's_ how much she missed you".

"So I see" Sayo chuckled and reached out her free arm to squeeze the blonde's shoulder, "I missed her too".

"Saaya! Sayo!".

The ruckus had stirred Tae awake but that was okay since they had arrived at the destination.

It did feel like a blast from the past in the sense that everything had altered, but nothing truly had.

It was _them_ as people that had changed and such changes generally affected locations, friendships and relationships, the deliberation of how they were and how things are now.

The four settled in after finding a spot that wasn't as crowded as many others had the same idea and flocked to the beach with the weather as pleasant as it was.

Nostalgia was in the air for them all as they reflected back on the day they had been here, with Poppin'Party bumping into Roselia.

The saltiness of the sea, the scent of fast food being conjured by the dozen, gentle natter from the crowds. 

"I believe that that was the first time I'd heard Saaya sing in terms of actual individual singing" Sayo recounted whilst helping Saaya with applying sun lotion around her back, her firm hands ensuring that her girlfriend was properly protected, "I was blown away".

"Saaya has that effect on people" Tae grinned from the other towel where she was helping Arisa apply the same on her back, "But that was the first time she actually volunteered to take the main role with Kasumi".

"Right? I was shocked" Arisa delved, simmering in the touch of Tae's strong fingers trailing a firm line down her spine, just about concealing her groan, "And _you_ , stop that. Apply it less sexually please".

Tae smiled mischievously, her legs on either side of Arisa's body, "Sorry, can't help it. But yeah, it was a first for Saaya that day and I remember just about being able to concentrate on the song itself. Her voice really gels with Kasumi's".

"You guys.." Saaya blushed.

"I can understand those sentiments" Sayo smiled and turned back to face Saaya once she was done, "It was entrancing. The time after that, I found myself following your voice several times, it really is riveting".

Saaya, still somewhat unable to handle such compliments, scratched the back of her neck and laughed sheepishly, "It's not really like that".

"It is" Arisa rebuked easily, turning her hazy gaze on her two lovers, "So when all this with Roselia came up, it wasn't surprising that Ako was the first to suggest Saaya to cover for her".

"Indeed. It was a given in hindsight" Sayo agreed and placed her hand on the drummer's bare thigh as the summer air whipped around them, "It was an entirely different experience you performing with us which gave me a chance to really hear your vocals and as expected, I was mesmerised".

"Maybe that's what made you fall in love with her" Tae offered, "Saaya's a siren, not a silent one".

"O-Tae" Saaya groaned and threw a towel at her lover whilst shaking her head, "Okay, I think the heat has gotten to you all" she announced and stood up, "Time for a swim!".

She didn't give anyone a chance to refute that as they raced to the sea, Tae following her as Sayo tagged along.

Arisa was content in just enjoying the sun's rays and she leaned back on her forearms, watching her girlfriends frolicking around.

Saaya's escape mechanisms had really become more subtle and she was sure the burst of excitable activity was another habit she might have picked up from Kasumi.

It was just another indication as to how they'd all grown whilst retaining some of the habits they were imbued with as teens.

As the rays roamed over the coastline, she thought back on that day where they'd all been here, arriving together based on spontaneity alone.

It was reinvigorating and Arisa had come to crave this new predilection, performing with her band. It may have taken her longer to open herself up to others, as was expected given her past, but it happened.

Kasumi and the rest of Poppin'Party had wormed their way in, tearing down each defence as delicately as possible and all of it led to _this_ here.

Reliving the past whilst simmering under the sun, with a future to look forward to with her three lovers.

With the women she _loved_.

She let her gaze run over Sayo, Roselia's stoic and serious guitarist now helping Saaya pull off a sneak attack in dunking Tae into the sea. 

_That_ Sayo.

How baffling, a year in and all of them had adapted to being in a relationship, a partnership like they had always been that way.

And somewhere in Arisa's heart, she knew that that was the only thing she had wanted. 

Through the trials and tribulations of finding each other. 

Saaya finding her voice.

Sayo finding her sounds.

Tae finding her home.

And for herself, finding the courage.

The courage to change, to adapt to the world around her that was continuously changing without her parents, her grandparents.

As much as time took away, time always gave back in a remunerative way. 

It had rewarded her for her patience and determination in the form of the three remarkable women she had had the pleasure of knowing since her teenage years. 

To grow with two of them, to deal with the additional hardships of adulthood had been a blessing because Arisa wasn't sure what she would have done if they were not with her. 

Saaya and Tae had become her conduit to continue despite the onslaught of misfortune she had faced; they had never turned their backs on her.

Tae hadn't turned her away after imposing on her relationship with Saaya, nor had she relinquished their friendship.

Arisa knew there was much to feel grateful for now and with the addition of someone as strong and as trustful as Sayo to call her own, that gratefulness was steady building.

She loved them; with every corner of her heart, with each fragment of her soul, with every thought in her mind, she loved them all.

The blonde couldn't help the smile overtaking her face as she sat back up, wondering when she had become this sentimental about life. It made her chuckle to herself at her growth and she couldn't be angry at that.

She liked the person she was now, she liked what they all saw when they looked at her. 

It was then she noticed Saaya run back to her, body glistening with the remnants of the water and Arisa had to mentally slap her senses back into place before Saaya figured out what was running through her mind but knowing the brunette, she'd already figured it out.

"Did you forget something?" she asked whilst glancing up at Saaya.

The blithe drummer crouched down next to her as she answered, "Yep!" and then proceeded to grab their princess in the carry that boasted her title, hoisting her up against her chest.

"Saaya, what are you doing?!" Arisa stammered, clinging onto Saaya for safety as the woman laughed with mirth.

"I _did_ say we forgot something" she grinned and ran back towards the sea where she saw Tae waving at her as Sayo appeared almost sympathetic.

 _Almost_. 

Arisa braced herself as they reached the shoreline and Saaya waded through the water before letting her plop into the sea much to her chagrin. 

She reappeared and went for her lover as Tae and Sayo joined in their dalliances, all four enjoying the coolness of the water against the heat of the sun.

The kind of heat Saaya often emitted as they spiralled towards her, revelling in their time together. 

Dusk had finally settled and the women were on their way home with Sayo driving this time. 

The rest of their day went on lazily between lounging around, swimming and going to do some activities that were available, utilising the few services available.

It led to Arisa and Tae both dozed off in the backseat, the blonde's head leaning on Tae's shoulder and their hands joined together.

The music was on low as the warm breeze still lingered in the air as they swept down the almost empty roads which lead to their home.

They stopped at some lights which gave Sayo the opportunity to take Saaya's hand in hers, squeezing affectionately.

Hey.." Saaya smiled hazily.

"Tired?" Sayo asked, savouring the way her girlfriend appeared as radiant as ever, her brown locks strewn over one shoulder and down her back now.

"Hmm, slightly. But it's a good tired" she replied, "We missed you, so it's good to have you back, Sayo". 

Sayo brought their joined hands up and kissed the top of Saaya's hand, "I missed you too, more than you can imagine. I'm glad we did this today. Going along with O-Tae's quixotic plans definitely packs a punch" she chuckled.

"Definitely" Saaya smiled. 

"Is something on your mind?" Sayo questioned, attuned to her lover's moods. 

Saaya leaned into Sayo's palm that had gone to rest on her cheek, exhaling against it whilst the tingling sensation ran up Sayo's spine. The woman didn't seem upset per se, but there was clearly something lingering in the forefront of her mind and Sayo wanted to know what it was so that she could help.

"It's nothing negative" Saaya reassured, taking Sayo's hand in hers again, "I was just thinking of the past year and what we talked about before, how far we've gotten".

"I know it wasn't easy on you, out of us all" Sayo said softly, "It's okay to feel overwhelmed".

"That's the thing, I _don't._ How could I with you all around keeping me together, loved. Every now and then, the doubts come back, in terms of what is to come and I wonder if I do deserve this with you all".

"I'm sure if Arisa or O-Tae were awake and heard you say that, they would become incensed" the guitarist said warmly and moved closer, "But _I_ am awake and know that I disapprove of that. Saaya, I know how one cannot help but to fall back into old routines but remember this, _we_ are here with you. And I always intend on being so because I love you".

Saaya melted at the warm reassurances coming from her lover's mouth as her face moved forwards, thanking Sayo for her words before the older woman pressed her lips against Saaya's, a chaste yet powerful kiss, "I love you too".

"Good.." Sayo murmured against her drummer's lips, "The only thing I could think about once we finished the tour was getting back to you, O-Tae and Arisa. So, know that nothing you feel is irrelevant, no matter how small you think it is because I'm here, _we're_ all here with you".

Saaya's hand trailed down Sayo’s chest, resting over her heart, feeling the steady rhythm and she could easily picture playing something on her drums to match the soothing flow. There was no misstep in Sayo's coruscating eyes as her lips caressed her forehead, the lingering taste of the ocean remaining but not a hindrance.

"Thank you, Sayo" she sighed in content. 

"Anytime" Sayo smiled, "We have to pull away now before we do cause a bit of a wreck" she laughed and readied herself.

"Too late for that" the brunette next to her blushed, smiling joyously, " Look at what you do to me".

Sayo grinned and kept her eyes on the road, "Well, I deem it fair since I feel the same".

"Sweet talker..". 

"I may have my moments" the guitarist laughed.

The light conversation continued between the two as their lovers snoozed away in the back, making their way home, the serenity of the atmosphere concealing them till they were inside and shielded away from the world once again.

  
***

  
Nightfall had encompassed the grounds of the Ichigaya residence once the four women had settled down after they got home.

They were in the midst of their routine before going to bed, the light chatter and banter becoming a staple within their relationship.

Arisa and Tae had become refreshed after their mini nap in the car and Sayo & Saaya were as awake as ever, like the relaxing yet long winding day hadn't taken its toll on them whatsoever. 

So it was a fairly languid night where the women continued to catch up since Sayo's return had warranted a month's worth of missing details. The conversation went on and Sayo was content in immersing herself in the sweet atmosphere which had formed whilst exchanging her anecdotes of the tour with her band.

While the guitarist was content in catching up with her lovers, both on a conversational and mental level, it slowly but surely deviated into a more desirous aura, simmering into something salacious.

The physical and sexual elements of needing to connect with her girlfriends was prevalent, her desires becoming far more exposed the more she delved into the relationship. It was an appetite Sayo always had had, even with Tsugumi, but it was far more on a grander scale now. 

And that was due to the beautiful women she was involved with. 

So it wasn't a surprise to see that it was Tae who found herself crawling up to Sayo, hovering above her with a knowing grin before dipping down to kiss the woman and Sayo eagerly accepted the kiss as her hands rested on Tae's hips. It was a thorough kiss with electricity behind it, to a point where Sayo could feel the fullness of Tae's lips swaying against her own and the brunette's fingers slide down her shoulder.

Being propped up against the headboard gave Tae a better angle of sliding her tongue into Sayo's mouth, a slight lift in the other woman's posture so she utilised it to make her lover feel all levels of satiated. 

Sayo became immersed into the familiar feeling, inhaling the scent of Tae's freshly bathed skin as she shuddered when she felt another set of fingers graze against the hem of her top that had ridden up.

The fingers were soft, unscathed by the effects of using string or percussive instruments.

It catapulted a sizzling thrill up Sayo's spine, knowing that Arisa was touching her whilst Tae was pulling at her bottom lip before releasing it, prompting Sayo to drag the woman down onto her body so that she could feel her on her. 

Sayo felt the missing tactile sensation of Saaya, speculating as to what the brunette was doing and she then wondered why Arisa's fingers against her hip were trembling, the odd chuckle coming from Saaya fuelling the questions.

And it made sense when she pulled away from Tae's mouth, allowing both of them to move their eyes to lock onto their other lovers.

Saaya had taken Arisa onto her lap, initiating her own stream of kisses that left the blonde curling the fingers of her left hand into the brunette hair as her other hand remained on Sayo's hips, digging in slightly at the way Saaya's tongue swept over her lips. She felt the drummer's hand creep up the back of her nightgown, the strong fingers skimming up till they reached the clasp of her bra as the subtle snaps of it coming undone resonated in the air. 

Sayo and Tae could only witness the sweltering scene, taking in the imagery of their girlfriends, the way Arisa's legs tightened around Saaya's hips when she pulled her further in with her free head.

Roselia's guitarist barely bit back a moan, _barely_ being the operative word as the woman still on top of her heard it and decided to resume bringing her to the peaks of pleasure, flashing her that enthralling smile, the one which bellied the answers to everything unknown. 

So Sayo fell, fell into Tae's embrace as the woman's lips resumed their dance against her mouth. She pushed herself up so that she could wind her legs behind Tae's back, both sat up now in a similar position to Saaya and Arisa. 

It was exactly what Tae was hoping for as the sounds of their two lovers began to increase, Arisa's face burrowed against Saaya's chest, breath muffled yet still audible.

Tae too wanted to hear Sayo's restrained gasps, feel her come undone but Sayo had beaten her to that objective, the woman's hand stroking down Tae's firm body till she could reach the waistband of Tae's shorts, slowly undoing the zipper while pulling back to watch the hazy expression of arousal on Tae's face.

A face which made her shiver, along with the feeing of Saaya lowering Arisa down to the pillow, the weight of their side of the bed dipping.

The tactile overload of sensations was something Sayo had slowly but surely gotten used to.

Loving one woman was an enthralling experience as it was, three was entirely on its own level.

The senses became alive, so heightened that she could feel herself track every movement, every sound, every taste to its core.

It was a cornucopia of emotions spilling and something Sayo hadn't realised she had craved after her first time with Saaya.

They knew it wasn't something Sayo could rush into and allowed the woman to set the pace, following her and guiding her till Sayo was comfortable in embarking on their love making together.

They were careful, tentative and understanding because in order to make this kind of relationship work, boundaries had to be respected, limits had to be set or else people would get hurt in every sense of the word.

So with time and the comforting presence of her lovers, Sayo's mind had wrapped around the possibility of being touched by Saaya, Arisa and Tae, and in turn, being able to touch them. 

Which is exactly what she succumbed to when she pushed Tae back onto the bed, hovering over her now and watching those entrancing green eyes darken as Tae allowed her in, a satisfied groan parting from her lips.

It was how the rest of night went on, all of them beng satisfied and seen to, all of them joining in harmony. 

There was nothing quite like women in love with each other making love.

Saaya understood that too well as Sayo's body nestled on one side of her, the woman's tongue poking into her mouth and Saaya allowed her in, gripping the woman's shoulder blade as their kiss deepened. Sayo scraped her tongue over the roof of her lover's mouth, tasting it all. Her neck was being gently doted on by Arisa which let loose the multitude of desire racing within Saaya as she felt the blonde's tongue drag down, tasting and teasing everything, each lick and twirl of her rugged tongue making Saaya hiss in pleasure. It enhanced what Tae was in the midst of doing, slotting herself between Saaya's thighs, dragging her nails up to give a snippet into what she was about to do in an effort to pour all of her loving inside Saaya, to help Arisa and Sayo fulfil whatever Saaya needed.

There was nothing quite like offering relief to the women you loved.

Which is what Tae felt as she steadied Arisa whom was straddled on top of her hips, her hands firmly on the guitarist's stomach to keep steady as she rocked on her. Tae was in the midst of a meltdown as her head was cushioned over Sayo and Sayo's chests. The two women were cradling her with an onslaught of kisses to her jaw, neck and ears as their hands busied themselves with stroking around her chest. The overload of touches coupled with the cadence of Arisa moving on top of her sent Tae's mind in a journey, her eyes clamping shut as she gripped Sayo's wrist, Saaya's arm beneath hers and Arisa's hips till she was famished.

There was nothing quite like seeing the look of pure bliss on the faces of the women you loved.

Sayo couldn't retain her look of pleasure even if she tried as she remained on Saaya's body, unable to move given what the brunette was doing since her hand was buried away between her thighs. Her nails dug into the pillow the drummer was resting on as she felt Tae's lean body rest over her back, pushing her down while she delivered numerous kisses to her shoulder, aiding Saaya in making the woman moan. Arisa was on Sayo's other side, her hand cupping Sayo's chin to make her look her way as she kissed her, muffling the rich sounds coming from the guitarist as she let go sporadically. 

There was nothing quite like hearing the lascivious sounds from the women you loved.

Which is what was ongoing as Arisa was balanced on her knees, arms around Saaya who was holding her up given what Sayo was doing since she was beneath the blonde, arms around her thighs to help keep her steady against the ministrations of her mouth. Tae's solid body was behind Arisa and on Sayo's, her hands making work of teasing out Arisa till her back arched against her chest and Sayo urged her along to the peak of her undoing. Arisa had pulled Saaya to her chest as her nails ripped down the woman's back as she finally allowed the pleasure to settle over her, her body becoming home to fingers and palms 

There truly was nothing like giving your all to the women who you would turn the world on its head for. 

Eventually, exhaustion had settled over which brought along a blissful slumber for the four women, the peace of the night settling around them.

The time struck 3:34 and Saaya had found herself awake, needing to quench a lingering thirst so she'd slowly extricated herself from her girlfriends and headed to the kitchen to obtain a bottle of water.

The warm summer air made it possible to wander around her home wearing one of Sayo's shirts, a light blue colour which stopped near her thighs. Her gentle footsteps padded along the floor as her hazy mind cleared before she made her way back to their bedroom, bottle in hand.

She stretched out slightly, relieving some of the kinks her shoulders had found themselves in which was to be expected and it made a smile brace her features whilst she quietly crept into the room.

With the light of the moon streaming in from the window, Saaya used it as a guide to see where she was stepping and the woman was surprised to see Sayo sat up, somewhat alert for someone who'd been asleep not long ago.

"Hey you" she said in a hushed voice, "Did I wake you?".

Saaya could see the woman shake her head slightly, "You didn't. Are you okay, Saaya?".

"Yeah. Just needed some water" she smiled and gently crawled into the bed, taking a seat next to the sprawl of sleepy bodies wrapped around Sayo, "We sort of ran out" she grinned and could see Sayo roll her eyes at the institution, "Seems like Arisa was fast to need to find something to hold onto after I left".

"For a woman who feigns that much disinterest in physical contact, she certainly shows a slither of that decorum during these moments" Sayo chuckled softly and stroked her hand over the blonde that was resting against her chest, arms around Sayo's stomach and legs intertwined within Sayo's and Tae's.

Tae was embracing Sayo from behind her, her head buried against the older woman's shoulders. Her hands were around Sayo's chest, holding her close as her soft breaths brushed over Sayo's bare skin.

"It's cute, isn't it" Saaya smiled and brought the blanket up slightly to cover them as much as she could

"It is.." Sayo agreed and reached out for Saaya's hand when the brunette got closer, watching over her girlfriends as the moon's ethereal light highlighted their forms, "I love you".

The declaration caught Saaya off guard no matter how many times she heard it. It always felt like something that should never be taken for granted, hearing that from any of them.

So she brought Sayo's hand to her face, kissing her palm, then her wrist, "Sayo, I love you too. I guess your time away was a lot longer than usual so, we're making the most of it while you're back".

Sayo understood and ran her fingertips over Saaya's face, "I won't be gone for quite a while now so don't dwell on that, Saaya, I'm here".

"You are" the brunette replied and with a smile, "Are you still up for attending the festival tomorrow? We have the performance there so we'd have to set off sooner" she said in a intimate yet hushed tone, not wanting to wake Tae or Arisa up.

"It is at the shrine, isn't it? That aside, I wouldn't miss your performances, you know that".

"True, and yes it is so it'd be great to attend and see you there" Saaya elaborated, "All of the others are going to be there so it'll be like another reunion" she said and maneuvered herself so that she resting near her girlfriends. 

Sayo raked her eyes over Saaya's form in her clothing, drinking her in, "Agreed, though I'm looking forward to seeing _you_ all perform, it has been a while so that in itself is an impetus to attend".

"You should join in, back up O-Tae and Kasumi" Saaya grinned, "It would be just like me joining Roselia last year".

"And we all know what _that_ entailed" the guitarist laughed and pet Tae's head when she nuzzled over the nape of her neck, "I initiated enough drama to last us a lifetime".

"Well, if it's a lifetime with all of you, then I can live with that" Saaya teased, "It is weird to think though, if Ako hadn't asked, then this.." she motioned between them all, "Wouldn't have happened. It isn't something I want to think about but it does go back to the small decisions making such big actions later".

"Any regrets?".

"Sayo, I can't believe you're asking that" the brunette chided and gently wrapped her upper arms around Arisa's hips, and now over Sayo's thigh. 

Sayo smirked, "Well, better to be safe than sorry, I believe. But, the sentiments are mutual. As strenuous as it was, enduring everything was worth getting to you all. That much I believe so I'm glad that you don't either" she said in an arrant tone, meeting her lover's eyes when she leaned closer, "The possibility of this being real seems like a lifetime ago".

"But it isn't, it never was when you think about it, sweetheart" Saaya added and inched forward till she could brush her lips over Sayo's as her hand rested on the woman's face, "Maybe it was going to happen in its own way, without us being aware of it". 

"I like your optimism" Sayo laughed, searching for Saaya's mouth again, the cadence of their kiss increasing.

"Just _like_?".

It was murmured, the teasing nature coming through as Sayo gently twirled her fingers in the brunette locks, her mouth resting on Saaya's as their final kiss deepened till they had to part to breath, their foreheads resting on each other's, "Love, I _love_ you all".

The admission in the forward yet strong tone melted Saaya as the glare of the moon streamed over them, like its sage and her just as influential companion who lived on earth were bestowing upon them the light needed to get through whatever hurdles lie in wait for them all.

To be able to share the endearments so easily now, after everything they had endured was euphoric. 

_"I love you, Sayo_ ". 

Saaya would say it till the day she ceased to breath, this much she knew.

Sayo could see that sentiment in the drummer's gorgeous expression when they stared at each other with longing, faces close as their arms kept a hold of Tae and Arisa, knitting them closer.

Because _nothing_ could erase that feeling of being accepted, of being able to love in ways she never had done. 

Throughout the awaking of her life, the forming of her band, finding her sound, falling in love and experiencing adulthood, Sayo's peace was obtained.

Through the loss of her of confidence, the closure of her vulnerabilities, finding her band and the death of her mother, Saaya had found her light.

Through the loneliness and solitude of a isolated past, the death of her parents, along with the passing of her grandparents, Arisa had finally found love.

Through the remnants of being alone, misunderstandings from those around her and being overlooked because of her esoteric personality, Tae had found shelter.

They all had located something which had once been tarnished, taken away or had never existed. 


	17. CiRCLING Firebirds

* * *

  
_"If our hearts are connected, no matter how far apart we are, our dreams will definitely circle around and revolve" -_ **CiRCLING**

A balmy swathe of air lingered around the vicinity of the shrine where the summer festival was ongoing.

The area was lively with people from all walks of life coming together to celebrate the occasion, a vibrant atmosphere matching the way the shrine and the surrounding area was decorated, bringing the place to life.

Poppin'Party's performance had just finished and Sayo just about managed to contain her enthusiasm for how superbly they had performed. It had been some time since she had seen the band play live and it was a reminder as to what the contagious energy of the group could do, summoning an enthralling spark to simmer around all those whom were subjected to their music.

Their style had changed over the years, matured, but it still retained that element of making one's heart pound, something Kasumi still managed to work into their performances.

It amused the guitarist when she was watching them, watching her lovers at the way things had come to bloom, how each person they had been in school had undergone drastic changes, shaped by life.

Such was growing up. 

As much as society attempted to chisel a being into the mundane shape of conformity, it was down to the individual's own mind set to retain what _made_ them the person they are, quirks and all.

What differentiated them from the person in front and behind them in the queue that was life. 

Sayo's eyes darted around the grounds as she broke off from the other bands that had gathered, wanting to take a wander and gather her thoughts whilst waiting for her lovers to finish up with a quick meet and greet. It led to Sayo straying closer to the shrine itself, the area adorned with beautiful decorations, reflecting the Shinto aspects of the location.

Sayo was never one for religion but she marvelled at the way they were structured, the means in which a person could throw away the entirety of their logic for an entity, a guide.

It was admirable, that much she could say as she stepped to the alter to perform a quick prayer.

There was no harm in putting something in the bank in terms of wishing the best for all those in her life, for the women she loved.

After that, Sayo backed away, noticing that the crowd had built up in the shrine, such was the nature of these events which prompted her to leave the area while grabbing her phone to see if she had received a message yet.

In doing so, Sayo accidentally bumped into a figure adjacent of her and was quick to appease the situation, "My apologies" she said with a light bow. 

She then stood upright to a see woman stood there, brushing off the apology. 

"No harm done" she smiled, "Somewhere to be?".

Sayo nodded before taking in the woman's attire and realising she was one of the priestesses in charge of the shrine, "Yes, the ceremony was wonderful too" she added, "Thank you".

"Oh you're most welcome. You seemed quite imbued in it. I can only assume you had something or _someone_ significant in your mind?".

" _How about several somebodies_ " Sayo chuckled to herself at the understatement before answering, "You could say that. Is it normal for priestesses to be _that_ perspicacious?" she asked in an intrigued manner and assessed the woman.

She was donned in the traditional ceremonial garbs, a more elaborate variation of the white yukata Sayo was wearing. The red colour of the material matched the woman's sharp eyes as her blue hair was worn up in a ponytail, various accessories present. She appeared to be a decade older than Sayo, an air of refined elegance and stature surrounding her. 

She was quite the figure, demanding the eyes of those within the proximity without needing words but subtle enough to make one feel at ease.

Such was the role of the priestess.

"In a sea of people, the reserved individual draws more of a crowd than those rife with rambunctious energy" she answered with a facetious bite given the grin that appeared, "It is better to not think too much of it". 

As vague as an answer it was, the woman motioned for Sayo to follow her out of the crowd where a few benches were available in an effort to clear the path to the shrine so Sayo walked with her. For some reason, she felt obliged to follow her, completely forgetting the action of checking her messages as her curiosity was piqued, wondering if the effects of Saaya, Tae and Arisa were that prevalent.

With twilight setting, a bucolic aura had settled as Sayo waited for her company to elaborate on what she meant, "Perceptions are only a guide. I believe one's expression and demeanour only show a fragment to the depth of one's mind. We are human, prone to constant change, behaviour and doing things that we may not have done years ago".

Sayo glanced at the priestess thoughtfully, "That is a basic component to being human, no?".

"Indeed. Everything we experience ends up manifesting into the person we are" she replied, "If you were to take in the extent of your own life and on-goings, how different would you say things were, say, even a year ago?".

"That is way _too_ specific" Sayo managed after a light cough, "Far too much has changed in that regards".

The woman chuckled, "And given your thoughts whilst you were at the alter, along with your current expression, would it be safe to assume that those changes were not negative per say?".

"No, I don't for a second think that. At least, not anymore since.." she trailed off, not wanting to get too into the details about a relationship including three other women with a stranger, "It is challenging for me to accept that such things can be deserved by me".

"You need to have same more faith in yourself, a mountain of it in fact" the sagacious woman suggested kindly, "People visit and leave this shrine with all sorts of inner experiences, some positive and some negative but it aids people. Use what experiences and downfalls you have been through to convince yourself that _you_ too, are allowed a respite when it happens. Be it through health, supportive friends and family, spiritual peace or having a fulfilling relationship, whether it be with one person or four".

It was Sayo's turn to raise an eyebrow as the trenchant woman met her stare, "You are oddly _specific_..but I do understand the sentiments behind what you say which I appreciate".

"What can I say? I'm living a similar life to you in a manner of speaking" she grinned and swept her eyes around the grounds with Sayo following her gaze, "It is not as unconventional as you are made to believe, it is simply made to seem that way by people that don't understand, or want to".

"Doesn't what you are implying contradict with the teachings of religion?" Sayo asked, slightly perturbed by the conversation but not disliking it.

"Not at all, it wholly depends on the core beliefs and the layers of a person's mind in terms of how far they take it. Religion is..subjective in a sense and has no room to interfere with the whims of the heart. Our need to find someone that understands us on a deeper level has been engrained into us since the existence of humanity, the drive has _always_ been here so I wouldn't ponder on that aspect too much".

The priestess's point was definitely based off of logic and truth; some matters were out of the control of anything to exist.

The human heart worked in wondrous ways beyond the physical aspect, so it was prone to calamitous change, to feel things that could not be deciphered. 

"I wouldn't dwell on the details of what is expected, so long as the ones you are with understand you, isn't that how it is meant to be?".

"Yes..it is" Sayo managed as the thoughts hit her, of how it was fine to have doubts so long as she didn't lay in them and fall asleep, "It is refreshing to hear it from an outside source, if that makes sense. There are far too many complexities as it is".

"Agreed, but you seem to be managing fine and seem like a sensible individual" the woman offered warmly, her eyes mirroring her words as she herself went back to a time she was in Sayo's place, doubting and deliberating whether she deserved to feel happiness with four others, "So utilise that but don't be restrained by logic alone. Some actions extend beyond that, like love". 

If the previous year wasn't a testament to that, then Sayo didn't know what was.

Unexpected as it was, she had formed a connection so resilient, so durable with Saaya, Arisa and Tae and it was through the years of anguish she had faced given her situation with her sister, the band and Tsugumi.

Sayo was about to reply when she saw someone waving at the priestess whom was dressed in a similar attire to her. The warm hazel eyes and tips of blonde that blended into her purple locks instantly reminder her of Arisa. 

She smiled and nodded before turning to Sayo, "I must take my leave" she said, "That and I hope I didn't overstep my boundaries. I am told by several someone's that I can do so if I feel too persistent about certain topics" she laughed jovially. 

"Well, they are _not_ wrong, but I cannot negate that it is a bad trait" Sayo smiled, "I understand their concerns with those that I know, but in truth, it's always wonderful to feel their consideration. So, thank you for the company". 

"It was my pleasure" the priestess answered and stood up as Sayo did the same, "Feel free to drop by again after the festival" she waved before turning into the mass of people and made her way to a group of women that Sayo was sure she was involved with beyond what was on the surface.

It was made prevalent in the way they looked at her, the way Sayo looked at Tae, Arisa and Saaya.

Speaking of which, her phone rang and Sayo carefully extricated it from her grip, noticing the several messages and quickly made her way to the trio that were waiting for her.

Towards what she deserved. 

***

Sayo had found her girlfriends near one of the slopes of the hill that cut through the small stream where she noticed more familiar faces with them.

They had transfixed several picnic blankets on the ground to sit down on as a spread had been set out, the segments of conversations from everyone around them coming through.

Arisa was the first to notice Sayo walk up to them, the blonde wearing a small frown of worry on her face, "Where did you run off to, Sayo?". 

"Yeah, Sayo. Arisa was freaking out!" Lisa teased from the blanket where the rest of Roselia were seated and winked at the flustered woman. 

"H-hey, I didn't mean it like that!".

"Aw Arisa is blushing!" Kasumi unhelpfully stated as Sayo managed to conceal her grin, linking her fingers with the keyboardist's.

"I went for a walk, just to see the rest of the grounds".

"Find anything good? Like a stray rabbit maybe?". 

"Not quite, though that would have been something" Sayo noted with amusement at Tae's hopeful expression.

Saaya laughed along, her heart softening at the way Arisa had slowly but surely walked into a light sideward hug against their lover's tall form, "Did you enjoy the performances?". 

"It was incredible, you all truly out did yourselves" Sayo smiled at the band as Kasumi hooked her arm behind Rimi and cheered along, "I hope to catch a few more while we're still here".

"Agreed" Yukina said whilst looking out for Aya, "It was an enthralling show indeed".

"Aww Yukina-san!" Kasumi cachinnated and was about to launch herself at the seated woman. 

"Kasumi-chan!" Rimi squeaked as she was pulled down with the brunette over Yukina, "Be careful!". 

Roselia's vocalist had more or less adjusted to Kasumi's energetic mannerisms and offered Rimi an understanding gaze as the others laughed along. 

The group dissolved into more chatter with Tae motioning to the ground, "Let's sit" she said, "The fireworks will start soon".

"Hm, _and_ the eating" Arisa added with a chuckle, watching Rimi aptly take a bite into her chocolate cornet with glee.

Sayo was about to sit when she noticed Tae's expression shift, her lips becoming pursed ever so slightly. That and Arisa & Saaya had suddenly appeared somewhat ruffled, the women's soft gazes turning cognizant. Sayo's worries rocketed at what could have tipped the joyous energy of her lovers just a second ago to what it was now.

"Hello" a small voice said, a voice too familiar with Sayo and all of a sudden, it made sense as to _why_ her girlfriends moods had morphed into something of that nature.

Slowly, Sayo turned around to face Afterglow.

She felt Saaya flank her left side with Tae pressing up behind her and Arisa on her other side as the atmosphere around them became stilled, the air stagnant almost.

Roselia exchanged glances as Ako attempted to break the solicitude which had settled by greeting her sister, "Sis, sit here!" she directed and smiled, eyes landing between Sayo and Tsugumi.

"Mitake-san, nice of you to join us" Yukina greeted as the other members gave a greeting of their own.

"Likewise" Ran replied and shuffled her feet together, "Been a while, huh".

"Yeah, you guys sure get around with the lives" Lisa laughed, hoping to subdued some of the tension.

But her voluble demeanour wasn't helping and Sayo sighed, wondering if this tense moment was a tad too dramatic so she gave a curt greeting. "Hello, Tsugumi-san".

The brunette smiled, her eyes dropping to where Sayo's hand was connected with Saaya's as Tae's form towered behind her and Arisa's shoulder was pressed against Sayo's.

She had been told of the new development with her ex, but it was another thing to see it.

"If it's okay, can I speak to you alone for a moment? I know I have no right to ask but I, I feel like I need to explain".

"You don't have to, Sayo" Tae stated as casually as she could, on guard of what this could do to their lover. 

Saaya merely kept a neutral gaze, though the piercing nature of her blue eyes told another story. It was a look Tomoe hadn't seen on her gentle friend's countenance before but she could discern it.

Sayo turned to face her girlfriends, offering them a smile which made them melt, "I won't be long. I feel it might be beneficial to do this now, once and for all" she murmured, knowing that they'd comprehend why she had to do this.

"Okay, sweetheart, if you are sure" Saaya nodded and swept the fingers of her free hand against Sayo's cheek before letting her leave. 

Arisa remained vituperative, her mannerisms showcasing her bottled up distaste about Tsugumi having the nerve to even ask Sayo of this. "We'll be right here if you need us" she voiced out, making sure Tsugumi could hear it and Sayo squeezed the blonde's wrist. 

Tsugumi was met with a range of looks but each one bellied the same warning, " _Don't hurt her again_ ".

The duo went a few metres away to a small opening which overlooked the stream.

Sayo was trying to control her breathing and the speed of her heartbeat at speaking to Tsugumi again.

So much anguish had been buried, had been stored and had only been set free now after Saaya's involvement so to see the cause of it all stood next to her, looking as resplendent as ever made Sayo's heart ache.

But it was a _different_ ache, not necessarily pain but more like a parting thud of sorrow. 

Tsugumi's hair had grown a fair bit longer, resting past her shoulders and the length of it accentuated the colour of her silver yukata when Tsugumi turned to face Sayo.

There was a distance between them, both physical and metaphorical.

"How have you been?" Sayo asked, just to ease the conversation in.

She didn't want the brunette to feel _that_ at unease with her because what Sayo kept in mind was that Tsugumi did what she had to do: stay true to her feelings and she couldn't be angry at that anymore.

Certainly not when it had paved the way for what she had now.

"I've been good, thank you. It has been busy since we've been travelling" she replied, her hands folded in front of her, fingertips twitching, "And you, Sayo?".

"Likewise, Roselia have obtained quite the footing in terms of shows. That and being with Saaya, Arisa and Tae fills up the rest of my time".

The confirmation gnawed away at Tsugumi as she looked up into Sayo's eyes, seeing something she had extinguished reappear again.

That _glow_.

"Tomoe mentioned it. I, I'm happy for you, Sayo" she answered, "And I want to apologise to you again for breaking up with you like that". 

"Tsugumi, you don't have to do this" Sayo offered, "We were different people on different paths, I can accept that. I always have done".

"No, I mean that's not it" the brunette halted "Please don't think that I did what I did because we were just on different paths" she explained as Sayo felt her resolve shake, "I just wasn't ready or prepared to give you what you needed".

A small scoff emitted from Sayo as she shook her head, "You already _did_. You gave me _everything_ I required and didn't know that I needed, Tsugumi. That was enough for me to love you with everything that I was. I'm just apologetic that I could not be the same for you". 

"You were! You _are_!" Tsugumi tried to state but the refute came out weak which was an answer in itself, "Sayo, I love you". 

Maybe at one point that declaration would have meant something to the guitarist but now, it just felt like a soft pat to the back, almost unctuous as Sayo watched the woman she once loved.

"I still do. I, I never truly forgot about you. Truthfully, I knew I would never get over you and I hate that I couldn't convince myself that I was ready, _ready_ to share my life with you". 

"Why are you telling me this _now_?" Sayo demanded, voice dipping.

Tsugumi stepped closer, her hands itching to reach out for the other woman's but the taut way Sayo was stood indicated that it would be a bad idea, "It is selfish of me but perhaps there is a part of you that might..". 

"Might what?".

The keyboardist looked away, tears prickling at the corner of her eyes because she knew the response to her request, "Try again, with me, Sayo".

Try again.

At one point, Sayo would have been elated to hear those words from Tsugumi. 

She would have jumped at the opportunity to mend their relationship.

But that was long ago, things were different now, _she_ was different.

The conversation with the priestess came back, about how she too deserved to feel happy despite the hurdles she had to plough through, that is was human nature to seek solace in those who understood her.

Tsugumi hadn't understood her, that ended years ago, her feelings for the woman had reached an abatement. 

Sayo had that now with the three women that had opened their relationship up.

Saaya had supported and trusted her, comforted her, defended her through her indiscretions, promising to never leave her. 

Tae had understood her, gave her the benefit of the doubt, threw out a life line and listened whilst learning to trust her.

Arisa had warmed up to her, related to her because she knew how it felt, to understand the intensity of her emotions, believing her. 

Sayo's heart was full again, a surfeit of adoration from the three women she loved. 

It was because of Tsugumi that she had a chance to truly understand what love was, what it meant to touch and be touched on a spiritual level.

So she smiled, a sad smile at the broken expression on Tsugumi’s face, one that mirrored her own a few years ago.

"I'm sorry, Tsugumi" she said softly, "That won't happen again. I.." she trailed off and looked back to see the worried faces of Saaya, Tae and Arisa, "I'm in love with them, in ways I didn't even know were possible. In its own twisted way, I have _you_ to thank for that".

"Sayo..".

The woman shook her head, "If you hadn't ended it with me, I wouldn't have gone through what I did to find them. So, I have no ill intents towards you, Tsugumi, I never did, even after you ended things" Sayo reiterated, "I've only ever wanted for you to be happy and if that was not with me, I accept that and do not reproach you".

Tsugumi's lips trembled, her soft eyes misting up as she clenched her hands together.

The woman knew what she hearing, what she was expecting but to see Sayo like this, so alive, so in love, it hurt

It hurt that she gave up the chance to be the woman on the receiving end of that.

But it was already set in the stone the moment she broke up with Sayo.

"I appreciate the apology" Sayo continued, "And I won't forget the way you made me feel or our friendship. You did a lot for me when I was figuring out myself so for that, I can never think less of you. But my feelings have changed, grown and I welcomed that".

"I, I understand" Tsugumi said, voice breaking, "I'm glad that they make you happy, Sayo. I guess I should have known that you would be okay, eventually with those around you".

"It wasn't that simple" Sayo divulged, a pensive look forming, "This was a new thing for me to experience, both our break up and what was happening with Saaya, Tae and Arisa. So no, it's too simple to say that it was inevitable when I thought I would never feel what I felt for you again".

"I'm so sorry" Tsugumi repeated, the guilt stabbing at her, "I can't say that enough".

"You won't have to" Sayo answered, "As I said, despite the hardships, it was all worth it and I would endure it all again if it meant that I would eventually find my way to them". 

The determined tone of Sayo's words, the love in her eyes, the steady presence.

All of it was blinding Tsugumi.

The Sayo she left behind had been like that, with her.

And now, it was so radiant that anyone with eyes could see how content and at ease Sayo was now.

One would have to think twice to assume she'd been broken with how serene she appeared and Tsugumi didn't want to take that away anymore than she had.

She had to accept it, that Sayo was no longer in love with her. 

It was a bitter pill to swallow.

There was nothing in Sayo's demeanour that indicated she was still in two minds about the possibility of them happening again, that ship had well and truly sailed.

"I..know" she said quietly, heart breaking, "Sayo".

That was all there was to it as Sayo offered the woman one final bout of reprieve, a parting goodbye.

It seemed like the apposite way to end this. 

She stepped closer, Tsugumi already knowing what was to come and closed the distance between them as Sayo's arms wrapped around her back

The tears she had been holding aback escaped into Sayo's chest as she clutched at her clothes, feeling Sayo's body against her own for one last time. The scent she had found comfort in would no longer surround her like it did now. The rich texture of Sayo's voice soothing her was no longer hers to seek solace in. 

Sayo belonged to Saaya, Arisa and Tae.

It was over.

Sayo obtained the closure she hadn't realised she needed anymore but it was there, sealing away the remnant regret and heartache, allowing her to fully devote herself to lovers.

Without the feeling of being weighed down about whether she deserved them or not.

"Goodbye, Tsugumi" she whispered into her hair, lips meeting the brunette strands for one final time.

It was bitter-sweet goodbye but one that finalised it all.

They could both move on now.

Himari and Moca approached them when Sayo met their eyes and she handed the emotional woman to them, bowing once and neither of the two could hold any animosity against Sayo.

This wasn't her doing.

It hurt, to see Tsugumi like so but Sayo knew she would be okay, eventually.

No heartbreak came easy, she could attest to that as she made her way to her girlfriends whom were waiting anxiously.

Sayo hadn't realised that she had built up a fair amount of adrenaline when seeing Tsugumi right until she felt her knees shake, attempting to walk as casually as possible to take a seat between Arisa and Saaya, "Hey".

Saaya was quick to notice and stood up on her knees to hold Sayo's waist, helping to ease her down.

They didn't have to know of the words exchanged to know how much of a toll that took on their girlfriend, her expression a mixture of relief and strain.

The brunette didn't say anything, just leaned in and wrapped her arms behind Sayo's shoulders, holding her closer, running a hand down her hair to soothe her.

"That was intense, huh" Arisa commented with a sigh, taking a hold of Sayo's other hand, "You okay?". 

"I will be" Sayo replied and took note of Tae's worried look, the woman sat in front of her, "I'm sorry if that evoked any unpleasantness for all of you".

"Are you kidding, _you_ were the one that had to relive whatever she put you through".

"Arisa's right, Sayo" the drummer said when pulling back, stroking Sayo's cheek with the back of her knuckles, "Even from here we could see and feel how hard that was for you".

Sayo leaned into the warmth her lovers were offering, "I..guess so. But I am relieved that it happened, finally. Perhaps Tsugumi can move on too".

Tae's eyes rested on the brunette whom had joined up with the rest of her friends, her hold on Himari and Tomoe strong as she glanced back and met Tae's gaze.

Tae wasn't so sure about that but said nothing.

Something in Tsugumi's countenance convinced her that the woman would feel Sayo's loss far more permanently than she might have known, just like how Sayo once felt.

It was sad, but inevitable.

There was no point in focusing on what had happened now, what once was because her future was _here_ , with Tae, Arisa and Saaya. 

Which is something she voiced out.

"It doesn't matter now, Sayo, we're hear for you and with you, babe" she stated clearly, green eyes meeting Sayo's, "Someone once told me it's okay to think of the past but not live in it" she said to Sayo with a beaming smile.

"Well, it is true" Saaya chuckled and leaned against Sayo's neck, "Why do that when we have so much to look forward to?". 

Sayo exhaled, a breath she needed to take after the remnants of the baggage she was shouldering was finally set free.

She kissed the brunette's forehead as she felt Arisa lean on her, her head on the woman's shoulder.

The past was meant for lessons to lucubrate from, not repeat or dwell on unhealthily.

So Sayo allowed herself to do that now, freely.

With Saaya, Tae and Arisa.

"You're right" she whispered, "I love you all, so very much".

Her sentiments were echoed into the cooling evening air as Tae moved so that she was resting her head on Sayo's lap, staring up into the night sky and the faces of her lovers. She reached out for Saaya's free hand, along with Arisa's, connecting them all together in the way constellations formed.

To craft a bond so bright, so vast, yet so powerful.

Which is what their relationship had morphed into and would continue to so.

Sayo turned her head slightly, meeting Saaya's ebullient blue orbs looking up at her, their lips brushing as they shared gentle smiles,

It didn't need to be stated vocally as the sanguine energy was running rife around them in unison.

Whether it was beneath a sky littered with glimmering stars and an illusionary moon. 

Be it out in the open under the illuminating rays of the sweltering afternoon sun. 

There was _nothing_ brighter than the formation of a bond, a light, birthed from the ashes of angst and pain.

Through music, beyond loss, within chaos.

That is what they had found with each other.

  
 _"I want to take you with me, towards the unrivalled heavens, until we arrive on to paradise of the end. In the name of courage, with music as our map, we'll sing heading towards the new world" -_ **Firebird**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It was only supposed to be a one shot" she said about every multi-chapter piece she has written :3
> 
> I generally don't write poly stuff outside of Touhou (Sayo's conversation was with Kanako, 1/5 of the usual group I write) but it was quite entertaining doing so in a normal environment
> 
> Thank you for reading, the kudos and of course, the comments which were a delight to read and engage with ^^
> 
> Wear a mask, wash your hands and stay safe! :)


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